ASD women with partners: how did you do it?
I was wondering if anyone had tips on how to get a boyfriend when you're a girl with ASD. I mean, I'm not horrible looking, but there are tons of girls out there who are way better looking and more socially aware than I am, so guys tend to overlook me.
_________________
AQ: 36 (last I checked :p)
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,477
Location: Long Island, New York
Underestimating oneself is all too common with people on the spectrum and not just about romantic prospects.
Welcome back Whale_Tuune.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
Underestimating oneself is all too common with people on the spectrum and not just about romantic prospects.
Welcome back Whale_Tuune.
I lost my password for a while. Now I'm back
_________________
AQ: 36 (last I checked :p)
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,477
Location: Long Island, New York
Underestimating oneself is all too common with people on the spectrum and not just about romantic prospects.
Welcome back Whale_Tuune.
I lost my password for a while. Now I'm back
And WP is enriched by your prospectives.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
As someone chronically single, I keep wondering that, too. Gonna keep lurking around for tips myself.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,510
Location: Right over your left shoulder
If you report attacks of that nature perhaps those posters will find their privileges revoked and the forum might be improved by that. It's shameful that misogyny is that normalized in that sphere.
_________________
Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,477
Location: Long Island, New York
If you report attacks of that nature perhaps those posters will find their privileges revoked and the forum might be improved by that. It's shameful that misogyny is that normalized in that sphere.
That section has had a reputation as toxic since I joined here in 2013. At times the bad feelings and fights there spread to other sections. It is an outrage that this is still the case.
As said, report, report, report.
_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
Yeah... there's a sentiment that young women have hit the jackpot and dating should be no problem for us, if we're single we're just "stuck up." Real misogynistic incel vibes sometimes come from there.
_________________
AQ: 36 (last I checked :p)
If you report attacks of that nature perhaps those posters will find their privileges revoked and the forum might be improved by that. It's shameful that misogyny is that normalized in that sphere.
That section has had a reputation as toxic since I joined here in 2013. At times the bad feelings and fights there spread to other sections. It is an outrage that this is still the case.
As said, report, report, report.
Ya, been doing that. I don't post there, that's a rule, but I lurk around, partly for that purpose. Sometimes it gets results, sometimes not... or maybe they get warnings privately, dunno.
When in my twenties and thirties, I had a relatively successful social life compared to most autistic people apparently.
I accomplished this by getting involved in various oddball subcultures pertaining to things I was interested in.
Looking back on it, I suspect that at least half, probably most, of the friends I made were also on the autism spectrum or otherwise neurodivergent.
Back when I was younger at least, I think people on the autism spectrum tended to be disproportionately drawn to oddball subcultures of all kinds, because we didn't fit in to mainstream society.
I don't know whether and to what extent that's still true, now that more of us are diagnosed and thus have a pre-made label for what makes us odd. Without such a label, those of us who didn't rely on masking and trying desperately to fit in had to be very creative.
My advice to young autistic people today:
1) Try to make some friends before you look for romantic partners. The set of skills needed to maintain a romantic relationship is a superset of the set of skills needed to maintain a friendship.
2) Find, or if necessary create, a group of autistic people who share some hobby/interest of yours. Ideally this group would (after the COVID crisis is finally over with -- not yet!) both hold its own events and encourage its members to participate (if feasible) in larger NT-dominated events/whatever pertaining to the same hobby/interest. (Until the COVID crisis is over with, it would just meet virtually, of course.)
If your ultimate aim is to find a boyfriend, the relevant hobby/interest shouldn't be one that attracts mainly just women. Ideally it should be one that attracts roughly equal numbers of women and men, with a slight preponderance of men.
Starting one's own group, if necessary, may sound like a very intimidating challenge, especially for someone lacking in mainstream social skills. However, for some of us at least, leadership/facilitation skills may actually be easier to learn than many mainstream social skills. (See Autistic Peer Leadership Group.)
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies
I'm going to quote a personally embarrassing experience, because I think this was a turning point for me.....
I had a male friend whom I liked very much and had a crush on. I hung out with this guy semi regularly and we talked on the phone literally every day for like a year straight.
When I finally told him that I liked him, he was shocked. He had no idea that I had a crush on him.
I guess you could call it flirting, or just presenting as more friendly or playful. But I started paying conscious attention to my body language and words when I did develop a crush on a guy next, and i did start to receive reciprocal attention from that point on....
It's not even being able to perfect flirtation, it's just more about being able to show your interest, without having to awkwardly blurt it out a year later
Anyway I dated that particular guy for about a year after that and then we split up. So I guess awkward blurting can work sometimes, but it's a bigger risk and more pressure to build up to that "moment of truth"
I hope something in here is useful for you, if not feel free to disregard it all!
I wish you all the best regardless
_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Random Women |
22 Apr 2024, 12:11 pm |
International Women's Day 2024 |
09 Mar 2024, 3:32 pm |
Reasons women do not date us! |
15 Apr 2024, 4:05 pm |
Women online say they were punched while walking in NYC |
30 Mar 2024, 4:04 am |