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Danusaurus
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23 Sep 2021, 4:19 am

So if you could only choose one option

Happiness.. by way of romance , family, kids etc but unable to be yourself.

Or be alone .. like loneliness and isolated but still have your hobbies and interests and be yourself

What would you choose ?

Obviously this is a complex question. But I can't really explain the entirety of what I mean as I'm not even sure if I can explain my emotional reasons for what I'm feeling.
Just very mixed up :(



autisticelders
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23 Sep 2021, 4:55 am

if i could not be myself how could I be happy?



Edna3362
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23 Sep 2021, 5:01 am

Alone. No questions asks. :lol:
Even if I can fulfill and afford both.

But that's just me.
I have no social longing -- never felt loneliness or the idea of being left out.


As much as I love my friends and family... They have to understand -- as much as they have needs and preferences, so do I.

Relationships and connections are a two way thing.
It's not -- never about one only having to please the other. They accept me... I accept them.


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magz
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23 Sep 2021, 5:14 am

I do have family, good relationship, kids, etc. and it's crucial for me to have time alone and pursue my interests - to keep the said family life sustainable.

If I had to mask to achieve it and give up being myself, it would last a few years and collapse beyond repair with a spectacular burnout. Actually, it kind of did anyway, but as my relationship wasn't founded on my masking and my husband really supports me the way I am, we were able to climb out of it.

Family life is not an achievement with "and they lived happily ever after" kind of ending. It's work. A lot of hard work to keep things running, to stay together and be a team, to go together through various hardships and crises. You need good contact with your own needs to keep things going well and not end up in a little private hell.

So, if I had to choose, definitely the latter. The former is unsustainable.


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FleaOfTheChill
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23 Sep 2021, 5:57 am

Alone. I don't understand what benefit being in a relationship/having kids would be if you are forced to be someone/something you aren't. I don't understand how I could be happy or how they could if I was making them think I was someone I wasn't. That's not love and happiness to me. That's a lie being lived, a false reality. I'll take real any and everyday over that.



Dear_one
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23 Sep 2021, 11:20 pm

autisticelders wrote:
if i could not be myself how could I be happy?


Some people don't enjoy their own company - perhaps a majority. By subsuming their personality into a group, they may feel part of something better, and less risky.
When I was young, I was afraid to live alone, and now that it has happened, as I suspected, I would have a very hard time going back out of isolation 23 - 7.



1986
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23 Sep 2021, 11:31 pm

I can't answer the question definitely because I would prefer a combination of them.

Yes, it's important for me to be genuine, but that doesn't need to come at the expense of partner, family, etc.

I'm not very interested in my hobbies. Maybe when I was ten, but in my mid-30s I value human relations and social belonging much higher.



IsabellaLinton
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24 Sep 2021, 12:35 am

Alone, 100000 %. No questions asked. I couldn't survive otherwise.



magz
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24 Sep 2021, 2:29 am

Dear_one wrote:
Some people don't enjoy their own company - perhaps a majority. By subsuming their personality into a group, they may feel part of something better, and less risky.

When I was young, I yearned for belonging, being part of a group. I saw it on filmed parties, in literature and poetry and I wanted so badly to experience it.
I tried from various angles. Partying, scouting, religious groups, more informal settings... Sometimes it was a disaster and sometimes I could do reasonably well but always I was someone not really fitting. The best sense of belonging I can afford is being accepted as an oddball around other oddballs.

When I got diagnosed and reviewed my life history with the new data, I came to a conclusion that I'm just incapable of blending in. On the plus side, it makes me less prone to crowd mentality.

I sometimes picture it as: I'm a witch and I'm accepting my hut apart from the village to do my witchcraft for the villagers' sake ;) That's my place in the society. On its margins but contributing.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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24 Sep 2021, 10:45 am

If I had the time and money to pursue my passions, which is how I can most fully be myself-- unquestionably #2.


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Dear_one
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24 Sep 2021, 10:57 am

I love to pursue my interests, but ultimately, if they don't matter to the next generation, they don't matter to me either.



Fnord
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24 Sep 2021, 10:59 am

How could isolation with one's hobbies and interests not make someone happy?

When the stress and anxiety of dealing with other people starts being too much, I retreat to solitude with my hobbies and interests, and that makes me happy again!



Dear_one
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24 Sep 2021, 11:08 am

I enjoy working on some things alone, but the purpose is always to share the results if possible. Loneliness is real, and can be deadly for many people.



HeroOfHyrule
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24 Sep 2021, 11:23 am

I'd rather be alone. I'm fine being alone and would prefer to pursue my hobbies over having a relationship.


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I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

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Empathy Quotient: 34/80
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AprilR
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24 Sep 2021, 12:40 pm

Alone. I feel like as long as i can be myself i would find a way to be happy without depending on other people



Danusaurus
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24 Sep 2021, 3:00 pm

Fnord wrote:
How could isolation with one's hobbies and interests not make someone happy?

When the stress and anxiety of dealing with other people starts being too much, I retreat to solitude with my hobbies and interests, and that makes me happy again!


I totally agree!! I get in trouble or yelled at if I isolate too much and people get upset with me because I only seem to watch the house MD medical series on replay. Once it's finished I just start again from the S1 E1 pilot episode. Or from season 3 onwards. I can't understand how this is bad for anybody and it helps me calm down. It makes me so sad!!