A VERY serious issue regarding singlehood, dating

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StephenBeets679895
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01 Oct 2021, 9:00 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Sorry, I'm not trying to be offensive. That's my opinion on the whole LGBT thing. I regard it as not in keeping with the evolution of humans. Ask yourself this: Can two males make a kid? Can two females make a kid?

Not having children is not a "disorder." It's not necessary for every member of a species to have children.

For example, the vast majority of bees do not have children. Queen bees have children, worker bees don't. Being a worker bee is not a "disorder."


I never suggested that it was. I know that worker bees don't, as an evolutionary function of bees, reproduce. But that's honeybees, NOT people. Maybe it isn't "necessary", but that does not change the fact that we didn't evolve to be LGBT. That's a purely social phenomenon that some have decided is cool, but it's a disordered way of thinking, in my opinion. I'm not a psychiatrist, so anything I say ought to be consumed with more than a few grains of salt. I apologize if there are people here who can't handle me or anyone else having this opinion. It's not like I want LGBTs to NOT be allowed a voice in social matters or to be denied employment or other such opportunities just because they're wired wrong. As long as they aren't criminals breaking the law, they ought to have the same rights as you and me. Am I right? Why should MY opinions invalidate everything? It's my point of view, nothing more.



StephenBeets679895
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01 Oct 2021, 9:21 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I didn't learn to drive until I was 37. I didn't have a "disorder in driving." I just wasn't mature enough to drive.

I don't have any children, and I'm 60 years old. I'm not "disordered" because of that.

I feel like it's better to have SOME job than to have no job at all. Even if it's flipping burgers at McDonald's or something. At least you have the inheritance money---that's good.

Ever thought about going back to college----or perhaps even getting into something like Xray Technician?


Look man, I did not intend to suggest that being childless or not trained to operate cars was in any way a disorder. I think you people have misinterpreted what was simply my opinion about LGBT-ness as some sort of slight against either them or yourselves or something that I don't know what it is.

I agree with you. When it comes down to it, any job is better than none. It's just that I don't like thinking that the only work I'll ever be able to do is menial labor. I don't mind helping with stuff like that, but I'd prefer to make some use of the diploma I got back in 2000-2001 in computer technology. Otherwise, that time in vo-tech school was utterly wasted. But please don't think that I don't wrestle with this in my head every day. As for going back to school, I think that's a fool's errand at this stage of my life. I don't see it really helping me, and the huge $50,000-plus debt is just, no, not gonna do that. I don't even have that much in my savings account. There is no way I'm going to go into my bank and beg them to give me a loan that I'll never be able to pay back because whatever field I chose to take doesn't have any job openings and I'm doing exactly as you said - flipping burgers at the local Mickey D's.

But, you've got me thinking more about my options. I don't know how much of a "college"-level education I could actually get free of charge. I know there are some things, courseware, et cetera, that's available on YouTube and elsewhere that I could possibly check out for free. The real problem is the actual exams and accreditation at the end. That stuff is real payware and it ain't cheap. Maybe my mom would allow me to draw from my savings to pay for it (I don't have enough in my regular checking account now to pay from there) or maybe she'd do that just like she did me today with my latest eBay spree buying processors for my chip collection. I don't want to say the trust isn't there, but I'm not exactly feeling like I'm trusted today. And keep in mind that all of that is a waste if I can't actually get hired and use that training. I want to avoid unnecessary waste, if possible. Maybe that needs to include my collecting habits, too.



DW_a_mom
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02 Oct 2021, 12:35 am

I had two different reactions reading your post:

1. In theory, there can be someone for anyone, the question is whether or not you are casting a wide enough net to actually meet the compatible person.

Solution: cast your net as wide as possible. Get out of the house and into activities you enjoy and/or put you in contact with other people, whether that be clubs, game store magic nights, a job, or volunteer work. Don't worry whether or not your choices put you in direct contact with eligible women. As your circle widens, so does the possibility of someone knowing someone. Is it feasible to bike where you live? There is no reason you couldn't bike where you need to go, and the cost investment is a lot less than a car. Plus it gets you in shape, which increases attractiveness.

2. When you talk about wanting someone who is "beautiful" and "wanting the good things in life" but measuring that by totally artificial things, it makes me feel like you aren't ready for a relationship. Your posts aren't reading to me like you actually understand what the "good things in life" actually are. The person for you isn't a trophy or a toy; she will be a thinking person, and you need to spend some time considering how you plan to enhance HER life, not just what your dream woman looks and acts like in the hopes of putting her on display inside your life. Are you funny? Are you artistic? Or musical? Are you an amazing cook? Are you willing to devote yourself to figuring out how to pleasure her, even if it means forgoing your own pleasure some days? Are you a good listener for days the world has been unfair to her and she just needs to unload? Can you keep a house clean? Most of us don't end up with someone the world considers beautiful or handsome; we end up with someone who is beautiful or handsome to us, uniquely, often because of things other people may never notice.

Do you know what you NEED, as v what you might want? They are very different things.

Recommendation: Work on developing interpersonal relationships outside of your immediate family so that you can understand better how real world people think, and how the give and take of interpersonal exchange works. Start with friendships that are real; hold off on thinking about dating for a while. Step outside of the "I want" mentality and really think about what a relationship could mean in your life, and what you might bring to the table. Your eventual romantic partner would be the person you share your complete and messy self with and, more importantly, this would be someone you give freedom to be their complete and messy self, which may not be very beautiful first thing in the morning or ten years down the road. Try to understand what a real relationship looks like, instead of trying to write a screenplay.


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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


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02 Oct 2021, 1:07 am

The most important rule about standards from my understanding is that you need to achieve them yourself. By all means look for a hot woman as long as you look good yourself.

It's a two way street with me. I think both men and women are being unrealistic if they insist on a partner who's a high achiever on some way when they themselves are struggling. For me I would want a woman that works and ideally drives. I don't want to come home after a very long week to a partner who's a second job in her own right. Someone like that can never work out for me long term and I just categories partners like that as short term fun and nothing more. Not people to have a serious relationship and instead friends with benefits.

It's also worth getting a job even stacking shelves. Everyone needs to start somewhere and considering you appear to have no paid work experience you can't really turn your nose up to a job like that. I stacked shelves as my first job and stacking shelves is almost a cliché first job that nobody is truly "above".

Also why does your mother control your finances when you're in your 40s? You need to get that sorted out ASAP and become responsible with money. You're at an age now where you shouldn't have you ask your mother for access to your own money and obviously that's unsexy as hell for women.

You can't expect a woman you described to get serious with you when you haven't gotten serious with yourself, especially at 40+.



kraftiekortie
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02 Oct 2021, 7:38 am

I know what you mean. I have a degree in speech pathology, and I’m not using it.

I’ve been a civil servant for 40 years.

Maybe this might be an option for you?

Take a civil service test, or get a job as a “provisional” in the civil service, then take the test.

There is no shame in being a civil service clerk. And the health benefits are unsurpassed.

Google: Federal jobs, state jobs, city jobs, county jobs.



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02 Oct 2021, 7:47 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I know what you mean. I have a degree in speech pathology, and I’m not using it.

I’ve been a civil servant for 40 years.

Maybe this might be an option for you?

Take a civil service test, or get a job as a “provisional” in the civil service, then take the test.

There is no shame in being a civil service clerk. And the health benefits are unsurpassed.

Google: Federal jobs, state jobs, city jobs, county jobs.


I think even a job where travel costs a fortune for him is a good option to start with. At least it's giving him work experience and a foothold to allow him to get better jobs which are easier to travel to.

I heard civil service is also a good job in pretty much all of the developed world.



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03 Oct 2021, 10:14 am

StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
...Is it possible for a man in his 40s to meet and marry his "dream lady" if he has a fetish for high heels, has a disability, is unemployed and doesn't have much or any money?
While possible, it is not likely.
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Is there a suitable female match for this type of individual?
Fnord's corollary to Internet Rule 34 is, "For whatever condition an individual may have, there is someone who will be attracted to it, turned on by it, or both."
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Is there anybody who would be happy marrying me and who would love me the way I wish to be loved, even at my present stage in life, or am I out of luck on this?
See my first two answers.
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Am I just too "strange" to be adored by any woman, to even be considered approachable by her?
See my first two answers.
Okay, so I don't have a snowball's chance in Hades. Is that what you're saying? Thanks for playing along and being honest.
Given only the criteria you have stated throughout this thread, I have to conclude that your chances of getting exactly what you want are very slim. In your situation, even having criteria seems unreasonable — you may have to settle for whatever woman shows you the most personal interest and give up any hope for a woman to exist solely for making your own fantasies real.



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04 Oct 2021, 6:21 am

Or alternatively, pay for a woman to satisfy those fantasies for an occasional period of time only.



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04 Oct 2021, 10:30 am

Fnord wrote:
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
...Is it possible for a man in his 40s to meet and marry his "dream lady" if he has a fetish for high heels, has a disability, is unemployed and doesn't have much or any money?
While possible, it is not likely.
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Is there a suitable female match for this type of individual?
Fnord's corollary to Internet Rule 34 is, "For whatever condition an individual may have, there is someone who will be attracted to it, turned on by it, or both."
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Is there anybody who would be happy marrying me and who would love me the way I wish to be loved, even at my present stage in life, or am I out of luck on this?
See my first two answers.
StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Am I just too "strange" to be adored by any woman, to even be considered approachable by her?
See my first two answers.
Okay, so I don't have a snowball's chance in Hades. Is that what you're saying? Thanks for playing along and being honest.
Given only the criteria you have stated throughout this thread, I have to conclude that your chances of getting exactly what you want are very slim. In your situation, even having criteria seems unreasonable — you may have to settle for whatever woman shows you the most personal interest and give up any hope for a woman to exist solely for making your own fantasies real.


From my view, every time a specific condition is added into the mix, the chances of finding the OP his dream woman goes down. Much like rolling 6s over and over and over again with a six sided die. The only way that I can see him improve his chances is to either lower the number of conditions or increase his attractiveness to the opposite sex. One is much easier to do than the other, but the choice is his to make.



Fnord
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04 Oct 2021, 10:33 am

QuantumChemist wrote:
From my view, every time a specific condition is added into the mix, the chances of finding the OP his dream woman goes down. Much like rolling 6s over and over and over again with a six-sided die. The only way that I can see him improve his chances is to either lower the number of conditions or increase his attractiveness to the opposite sex. One is much easier to do than the other, but the choice is his to make.
There is some truth to the idea that "Beggars cannot be choosers".



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06 Oct 2021, 1:54 pm

StephenBeets679895 wrote:
Part of this is due to a lack of work that I would want to do.


You need to take whatever job you can get, even if it's not great. Then use that as a stepping stone to get to a better job. Yeah, it sucks, but you need to do uncomfortable things in order to get the result you want.

You need a job as a first step to get money for a car and to meet real life friends. If a job is unbearable, you can leave it and find another one, but at least try.

Most people don't have this luxury of choosing to not work just because they don't like the jobs that are open. They have to work to eat. They have to work or else they get evicted. Your parents are enabling you to just sit around and not work.

Quote:
And then there's my irresponsibility with money


If you're living off of other people's money and not working, you shouldn't be impractical with it. Live within your means, buy practical things, save up what you can for a car.

Quote:
I'd like a job that's at least something closer to my interests in computer technology and electronics.


Yeah, but you don't get those jobs with a blank resume. The person with a work history is more likely to get those jobs than a person without one. You start out with a mediocre and work up to a better job, but the longer you wait, the further away you'll be from having the job you want.