Dating Someone YouDont Like Just For Relationship Experience

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What Would You Do? (Read Post Before Voting)
Date her. At least you get romantic and sexual experience which could be beneficial later and you can always end the relationship if you dont like it. 31%  31%  [ 9 ]
Don't date her. It's not worth it to date someone you don't like if you're not attracted to them. Hold out for someone who you are attracted to. 69%  69%  [ 20 ]
Total votes : 29

Muse933277
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23 Oct 2021, 11:04 pm

Say you're 25 with no dating experience; you've never had a girlfriend, never had sex of any kind, and have never even kissed a girl before. Looks wise, you're not a 10 and probably not even a 7 either, and you don't have a lot of romantic options in the first place, hence the reason why you're 25+ and still romantically inexperienced.

But when all hope is lost, you discover that a girl likes you back and wants to go out with you. But here's the catch; when you meet her in person, you're not that physically attracted to her. Maybe she's a little overweight, or not as pretty in the face as you would like her to be. Whatever it is, you're not physically attracted to her. Yet this is the first girl who's ever shown a romantic interest in you (that you're aware of), plus you're 25 and already far older than the average age to have your first girlfriend and sexual encounter, so you're hesitant to simply reject her and write her off.

And now you have to make a tough decision. If you DONT give her a chance and reject her, you may have to wait 3-4 years before you get another dating opportunity and by that time, you're 30 years old with virtually no dating experience and still a virgin. After all, you're not much of a catch yourself. OR, you do give her a chance and wind up dating her, despite the fact that you're not attracted to her, but at least you get romantic and sexual experience.

What would you do?



HeroOfHyrule
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23 Oct 2021, 11:09 pm

I'd pick neither option. I'd date her if I only wasn't physically attracted to her, and it wouldn't just be for "relationship experience". If I like her personality and hanging out with her enough to consider dating her then it's not like I "don't like her" just because she's not my type appearance wise. I also have dated overweight people before and the person I was the most attracted to was actually overweight.


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AprilR
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24 Oct 2021, 8:13 am

Definitely no. I considered this too but this is too unfair for the other party. People are not props to get experience.



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24 Oct 2021, 8:47 am

The thought of just spending time with someone I don't like horrifies me never mind pretending to like someone just to get practice on dating.

No way man...its just wrong wrong wrong.

There are women who will give you gfe for a price.



Muse933277
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24 Oct 2021, 9:15 am

Also, I was thinking of another possibility. You could always initiate a short term or casual relationship with her without any exclusivity, such as a hookup, booty call, FWB, etc...

The advantage of this arrangement is that you still get romantic and sexual experience, but you don't have to be exclusive with her if you don't see her as relationship material. You'll get to have your first kiss, lose your virginity, and get some experience this way.


But you have to tell her you're not looking for anything serious so she doesn't get her hopes up.



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24 Oct 2021, 9:20 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Also, I was thinking of another possibility. You could always initiate a short term or casual relationship with her without any exclusivity, such as a hookup, booty call, FWB, etc...

The advantage of this arrangement is that you still get romantic and sexual experience, but you don't have to be exclusive with her if you don't see her as relationship material. You'll get to have your first kiss, lose your virginity, and get some experience this way.


But you have to tell her you're not looking for anything serious so she doesn't get her hopes up.


Well that sounds OK as long as you both understand the rules of the relationship. You don't wanna end up in a situation where someone develops feelings for you when all you want is the occasional shag.



Muse933277
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24 Oct 2021, 9:27 am

In some ways, short term relationships would be ideal for me. I don't really catch feelings or fall in love with someone super easily, BUT I still have a high enough sex drive due to being a 20 something year old male, so I definitely feel physical and sexual attraction.


The problem with short term relationships is that they're more centered on looks and flirting skills, two things I don't possess a lot of. So while I would be okay with simply hooking up, I don't possess the typical profile to be able to get this sort of arrangement typically.



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24 Oct 2021, 9:35 am

Well your looks are something I can't comment on but your overall plan to get laid does sound well thought out.



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24 Oct 2021, 9:43 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Say you're 25 with no dating experience; you've never had a girlfriend, never had sex of any kind, and have never even kissed a girl before. Looks wise, you're not a 10 and probably not even a 7 either, and you don't have a lot of romantic options in the first place, hence the reason why you're 25+ and still romantically inexperienced.

But when all hope is lost, you discover that a girl likes you back and wants to go out with you. But here's the catch; when you meet her in person, you're not that physically attracted to her. Maybe she's a little overweight, or not as pretty in the face as you would like her to be. Whatever it is, you're not physically attracted to her. Yet this is the first girl who's ever shown a romantic interest in you (that you're aware of), plus you're 25 and already far older than the average age to have your first girlfriend and sexual encounter, so you're hesitant to simply reject her and write her off.

And now you have to make a tough decision. If you DONT give her a chance and reject her, you may have to wait 3-4 years before you get another dating opportunity and by that time, you're 30 years old with virtually no dating experience and still a virgin. After all, you're not much of a catch yourself. OR, you do give her a chance and wind up dating her, despite the fact that you're not attracted to her, but at least you get romantic and sexual experience.

What would you do?


I would wonder why I wasn't giving any consideration to how my actions might affect this girl and then realise that even though I was 25, I still have work to do before I could, in good conscience, inflict myself on someone else.



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26 Oct 2021, 5:56 am

I don't know if this situation is hypothetical, but I would date this girl because it's possible you'll soon find yourself becoming attracted to her, especially if she's nice to you. I also disagree that you should only date people you would want to marry. Lack of relationship experience can make it harder to imagine how you might enjoy being with her so a decision to not get involved could be ill-considered.


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Minervx_2
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26 Oct 2021, 6:02 am

This would be selfish. It's only thinking about your needs. But also consider the other person's feelings.

This is not fair to the other person.

The other person deserves someone who is actually interested in them. Who actually cares about them. Them dating someone who isn't interested in them is just wasting their time.

How would you feel if you thought someone liked you, you invested feelings into them, and then later on you find out just using you as a temporary stopgap until their next relationship.



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26 Oct 2021, 6:19 am

Minervx_2 wrote:
This would be selfish. It's only thinking about your needs. But also consider the other person's feelings.

This is not fair to the other person.

The other person deserves someone who is actually interested in them. Who actually cares about them. Them dating someone who isn't interested in them is just wasting their time.

How would you feel if you thought someone liked you, you invested feelings into them, and then later on you find out just using you as a temporary stopgap until their next relationship.

This disregards that you don’t really know what direction the relationship might take. I don't think you should give up before knowing what might happen.


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26 Oct 2021, 6:29 am

I've been there sort of... I had been kissed, but years ago. The guy was a narcissist, so not a good experience, so we'll say I'd never been loved, never had a real boyfriend. I was 26.

One of my sister's friends seemed to like me, so we met up for a coffee. I found him really boring. We had no connection. I wasn't attracted to him. This is the first time we had sat and talked alone rather than in a group. It just didn't work.

But he kept texting me wanting to meet up again. I didn't want to. I knew in my gut this wouldn't go anywhere and I didn't want to string him along.

My friend said to me, "I don't understand why you don't just go out with him if you want a boyfriend so bad." But I didn't want to hurt him.

Guess what. No one else was interested after that apart from one guy who messed me about and wasn't really into me. He did to me what I wouldn't do to that first guy and kept blowing hot and cold. He knew in his gut he wasn't into me, but he was lonely.

So I've been on both sides of this. Had the opportunity to hurt and have been hurt.

I have no regrets. It wasn't going to work out and I'm glad I didn't hurt him. I'm still alone, but at least my conscience is in tact



Last edited by hurtloam on 26 Oct 2021, 6:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

Minervx_2
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26 Oct 2021, 6:34 am

MaxE wrote:
This disregards that you don’t really know what direction the relationship might take. I don't think you should give up before knowing what might happen.


I agree with giving people a chance. Maybe a date or 2. But sticking around for several dates when you're not interested is not being fair the other person.

How would she feel if she knew that he's only dating her because he has no other options. That wouldn't make her feel good. There's guys out there who would love her and make her a top priority, so why should she settle for a guy that's only dating her out of desperation?



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26 Oct 2021, 7:12 am

Quote:
Say you're 25 with no dating experience; you've never had a girlfriend, never had sex of any kind, and have never even kissed a girl before. Looks wise, you're not a 10 and probably not even a 7 either, and you don't have a lot of romantic options in the first place, hence the reason why you're 25+ and still romantically inexperienced.


That almost perfectly describes me, but I wouldn't do what you're describing for two main reasons.

For one, honesty is important to me, and I think leading people on is a pretty scummy thing to do. I wouldn't be comfortable giving someone else a false impression. If I disclosed the fact that I didn't see it going anywhere and she understood where we stand, then maybe, but probably not because of the second reason.

The second reason is that I wouldn't enjoy getting romantic and having those sorts of experiences with someone I felt absolutely no physical attraction towards. Anyone I'd want to have those experiences with would probably be someone I'd consider dating for real.

If I met someone where there was some degree of physical attraction, but personality/life goal differences rendered a long-term relationship unfeasible, I'd probably be interested in exploring something more casual. In that situation, much like the first one I mentioned, I'd make it clear to the other person where I stand so there's no miscommunication or stringing anybody along.



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26 Oct 2021, 7:22 pm

Short answer: date her.

Long answer:
It's more "yes" than "no", but it's not as cut-and-dried as it seems. It also depends on your age. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can replace a romantic experience at a YOUNG age. So if you're 25---which isn't that young in a dating sense---you have to take what you can get. The quirky dates, the feelings of youthful excitement, having a smooth wrinkle-free skin, and having all your teeth in place just can't be replicated at an older age. Because once you hit 30, most relationships become boring and stale. You can't just have carefree fun together anymore, like spiking your Slurpees with vodka in a pedestrian underpass, then walking around buzzed; you have to be "adult" and "mature" on your dates. Which limits your date choices to stuffy restaurants and sedate nature walks.

Then again, if you're 45, don't do it; don't date a woman you're not attracted to. At that age, relationships are just a social norm-filler, and they're all equally boring. You won't lose anything by waiting a few more years for a slightly more attractive woman to come along.