Are hobbies the reason we are still single ?

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Edna3362
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10 Jan 2022, 8:50 am

The reason I'm single is because I just don't see the point why I should be otherwise.

If I do have that desire, if at all, I'd either am already in a relationship or questioning the same thing.
I just don't.


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Fnord
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10 Jan 2022, 9:36 am

chris1989 wrote:
I remember some comments about that woman from some people were like ''Oh, how pathetic'' and ''People need to grow up'' etc. I don't understand why some people are perceived to be weirdos if they still like stuff they loved as kids, or dress in fashion they liked when they were younger. I feel like I work amongst colleagues like that I mean my assistant manager is in his late 50s and likes comics and stuff and has never married and lives on his own and so does my supervisor who is nearly 50 and likes to dress up in and stuff and is not married.
It seems likely that those who disparage others for their "childish" interests are expressing jealousy.

I enjoy role-playing games -- AD&D, Traveller, and such -- and some people who have made snide comments to me about this interest really get into the games when invited to play.  Many of these people are about my age.



nick007
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11 Jan 2022, 6:11 am

Nades wrote:
Well back to hobbies. It's true that many aspies have unusual hobbies and if it's a hobby associated by the general public as being child like then yes, it could cause some issues.

Hobbies vary a lot for people with autism but it's important to remember that they need to be reigned in if it's a hobby like collecting baby dummies ​example.

There are some hobbies that need to be kept to oneself and not be made into a public spectacle. If I see an aspie walking down the street with a dummy in his mouth I'll probably walk the other way
It's common for NTs to have some adult hobbies like watching porn & having sex that they keep to themselves offline or they may talk about it offline but only with certain members of the same sex that they know are OK with talking about that stuff but they won't talk about it around the opposite sex except maybe for their romantic partners. NTs tend to know when they need to practice discretion with not talking about their interests.


ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
in my case the hobbies came about due to the existential vacuum caused by people rejecting me. since i have no social life, that opens up lots of time and energy for hobbies which takes away the sting of being in people's "creep zone" and also focuses the mind on positive constructive things. :idea:

This. Precisely. This. The "weirdness" doesn't cause social rejections. Rather, the weirdness arises in response to social isolation. Yes.
I wouldn't call this a hobby persay but this is a special interest. I've been having a mega huge crush obsession with a celeb for like 12 years now. It developed partly because I was single & very lonely after desperately trying for 6 or 7 years to get a romantic relationship without so much as a single date. It's not something I ever mentioned on dating sites or offline with anyone except I have talked about it with my current girlfriend a little. I talked about it a lot on this forum when I was single but not really anywhere else & my current girlfriend had read a lot of my posts here before we got in a relationship. A lot of the time when it's mentioned offline, she brings it up :oops: I don't want to make Cass feel insecure or anything & she's my top special interest so there's no reason to mention the celeb crush. Both my exes were my top special interests at the time I was with them.


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autisticelders
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11 Jan 2022, 6:43 am

I used my hobbies to make connections. Join an online FB group about a favorite hobby, meet and interact online with others online, share your interest, and soon you will find a couple you identify with most or connect with, communicate with best. The groups I belong to are state wide, so within driving distance of may of the other members. We sometimes meet to share interest related activities. I have met some great people and a few duds, but by having that interest in common, there is already something we can share and relate to, and have conversations around. If you join a face to face interest group, look for the other "outsiders" to interact with, they all have friends and family members who will enlarge the circle of people who you can interact with. I have never had luck joining a "set" group, and never had much in common with the obvious leaders of the pack, but most of the side lined outsiders are anxious to get to know people and interact too. When hunting a mate, I suppose the instinct for many is to aim at the most appealing person in the room. I have seen people ignore a room full of possibilities to try to get close to the babe (male or female, etc). Just something to think about.


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autisticelders
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11 Jan 2022, 6:44 am

I used my hobbies to make connections. Join an online FB group about a favorite hobby, meet and interact online with others online, share your interest, and soon you will find a couple you identify with most or connect with, communicate with best. The groups I belong to are state wide, so within driving distance of may of the other members. We sometimes meet to share interest related activities. I have met some great people and a few duds, but by having that interest in common, there is already something we can share and relate to, and have conversations around. If you join a face to face interest group, look for the other "outsiders" to interact with, they all have friends and family members who will enlarge the circle of people who you can interact with. I have never had luck joining a "set" group, and never had much in common with the obvious leaders of the pack, but most of the side lined outsiders are anxious to get to know people and interact too. When hunting a mate, I suppose the instinct for many is to aim at the most appealing person in the room. I have seen people ignore a room full of possibilities to try to get close to the babe (male or female, etc). Just something to think about.


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AprilR
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11 Jan 2022, 8:12 am

Our hobbies and interests being different with the people we meet May be a reason but i am not complaining about that. For a relationship to work there has to be some common interests, otherwise what are we supposed to talk about when we are together.