Have any NTs said "you drive me insane"?

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Jayo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,073

09 Jan 2022, 11:24 am

In your interactions with NTs, has any one of them ever said that "you drive me insane [sometimes]", or some variation of that??

And of course, it does little to allay their concerns if you stress positive intentions, e.g. "I never intended to drive you insane, sometimes I just find certain things complicated or they're not always obvious to me."

Such a comment could be a reflection on YOU, that you're mentally ill and you're "dragging them down with you" - at least that's how it's felt sometimes. 'Cause they might construe your communication challenges (like literal interpretation, giving higher weight to the verbal over non-verbal cues) as being perverse, masochistic, or passive-aggressive...and think there's some intentional component of your presentation that drives them nuts. 8O

To draw a bit of a parallel, pre-diagnosis (at age 27) as a young adult I had at least one occasion of where an NT came off as "bipolar" to me - he/she would shout and swear at me over some infraction that I never even knew that I committed, or gauged the negative effect thereof, then I'd ask some clarifying question to try and mend fences and the NT would then start laughing. In hindsight I realize that it wasn't so much a mocking laugh, but more of a frustrating laugh as if to say "you're a hopeless case, it's like you came here from another planet and you have no clue about 'obvious stuff you should know by now...'" so, yeah, hence the "bipolar" presentation...



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 53,154
Location: Stendec

09 Jan 2022, 11:32 am

Jayo wrote:
In your interactions with NTs, has any one of them ever said that "you drive me insane [sometimes]", or some variation of that? . . .
Yes . . .

SHE: "You're gonna drive me crazy!"

HE: "Hey, you asked if I thought those shorts made your butt look big . . ."

:roll: That is when the fight started . . .



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,084
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

09 Jan 2022, 11:42 am

Yes.
The meaning may vary on the context and may differ in translation.

Sometimes it makes me laugh. :lol: Sometimes it's outright hilarious and do it again.

Sometimes it'll just make myself just as frustrated. :|
And sometimes I'd shoot back with "me too" or "so do you" with the same tones. :skull:


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 21,704
Location: UK

09 Jan 2022, 2:19 pm

My mum used to say this, as well as ''you're going to drive me into an early grave'', ''you're getting me down chronically'', ''I can't cope'', ''why can't you be normal?'' and so on.

Then she got cancer and passed away last year, so I guess she was right. Bringing up a loud, hyperactive, overemotional, demanding, challenging brat like me must have been really, really stressful for her. Autism sucks. :cry:


_________________
Female
Aged 31
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and mild ASD
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


chaosmos
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 19 Jul 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 159
Location: Melbourne, Australia

10 Jan 2022, 4:00 am

All. The. Time. Haha!



Redpaws
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 198

10 Jan 2022, 7:47 am

No, no one has ever said that to me.... today! :lol:

Yeah, I've been told so on occasion, and as Edna said, sometimes it's frustrating, sometimes it's mutual, and sometimes it's just humorous.

I don't tend to tell people they drive me up the wall, but to be fair, quite a few have, so I think we can all relate to that, and I assume more people can at times feel that way towards me as well than the ones who actually express it.


_________________
- Hver eneste gang vi snakker eller uttrykker oss nedsettende om andre mennesker for egenskaper eller attributter de ikke kan råde over, om det er hudfarge, etnisitet, en funksjonsnedsettelse, eller hva som helst – blir vi bitte litt mindre. Det er jo dette det hele handler om, å tåle det som er annerledes fra oss selv og som ikke er selvvalgt.
- Fredrik Solvang


that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 957
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

10 Jan 2022, 10:59 pm

"You make me so mad"

And

"Why can't you be normal?"

Or some variation of telling me I'm being melodramatic.


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


KMCIURA
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 6 Jan 2022
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 24
Location: Cracow, Poland

11 Jan 2022, 6:33 pm

Breaking news: most people alive have heard something along these lines during their lifespans :D

NT people say it to other NT people all the time. It is an exaggeration to acquire more dramatic effect and of course doesn't mean that the person is developing some for of insanity because of you.

That said, words like that are dropped mostly in two cases:

1) A person have outburst of negative emotions caused by a situation they cannot cope with - think heated discussion, where one side is not willing to go for any compromises regarding important subject or doesn't behave the way raging person expected them to.

2) Stress which builds up over time. I.e. if someone is doing repetitive, annoying behaviours like leaving dirty dishes in the sink instead of putting them into washing machine. At some point, after asking to change such habit multiple times, people can have enough of this and undergo anger outburst.

Think with NT people (or even most people in general) is that when they are overwhelmed with emotions, they quite often go too far in saying things - they want to hit you with words that will hurt you, but aren't necessarily their true views or feelings. Most regret doing that later.

When such outbursts happen, from my experience, the last think you want to do is continue argument, especially with cold logic. There's no point in explaining what your intentions are/were, because it just won't go through. It is better to back off and give people some space to cool down. Then, when "rage switch" is off, you can sit down and talk.

Of course, sometimes you may encounter people (or simply make enemies) who hate you with passion and simply being around you causes them to lose it. I've experienced two such cases of hostility towards myself. Well, in one case the guy got a good reason. In the other, a girl was architect of her own misery, but blame was on me.



theprisoner
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2021
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,518
Location: Britain

11 Jan 2022, 6:40 pm

No, If anything, THEY drive ME Insane.


_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)


cabowm02
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 19
Location: Louisville, KY

12 Jan 2022, 11:40 pm

In Kentucky, after my Autism Level 2 diagnosis , nobody will even acknowledge that I have autism. It’s so weird .

I worked at home remotely and that was only way I was even able to work for extended time and yes it was challenging but since I was alone in a room, I was able to somehow handle it for a year.

Most people since I can respond to them with somewhat intelligent sentences , they “re-diagnose” me in their head and challenge me.

Basically ignore that I have autism level 2, but since they don’t have my brain, they can’t comprehend how social interaction is such a challenge for me.

I can do 1 on 1 conversations really easy really because I’m talking to one person, but after more than 1 person, its really stressful .

My tone of voice is always shifting and I don’t necessarily want to but since I try so hard it does and half the time I’m always thinking “okay I sound monotone, or okay I sound now like I’m 15 years younger than I am, or okay I sound really loud and serious with a deeper voice”

But it’s because I’m constantly always thinking about it if I speak . Maybe it’s easier to have autism in another state , but Kentucky is scary to be diagnosed with autism and then tell someone. It’s not a good idea to tell anyone here.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 105,152
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow

13 Jan 2022, 7:46 pm

No. It's them who drive me insane. It's them and their little social rules and expectations that drive me insane. The thing that drives me over the edge the most is that if you have even a bit of an English accent, they expect you to wear your birth gender like a badge. I want to travel to a place where there aren't many people.


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,792

13 Jan 2022, 7:52 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
No. It's them who drive me insane. .


That too :lol:

My daughter drives me insane but I think she's fed up with me as well so def goes two ways.



Jayo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,073

14 Jan 2022, 1:57 pm

Yes, I've heard things about Kentucky in that regard...and I live up in Canada.
Basically, one of those conservative states where there's been very little migration over the past several decades, compared to other states, so there's a certain intolerance for anything that doesn't "fit the mold".

I also detest that whole paradox of people telling you your autism doesn't exist or you don't have it, which is really an unspoken admission that they don't want to openly discuss "mental illness". Essentially, they're invalidating you or your experience :x :evil:


cabowm02 wrote:
In Kentucky, after my Autism Level 2 diagnosis , nobody will even acknowledge that I have autism. It’s so weird .

I worked at home remotely and that was only way I was even able to work for extended time and yes it was challenging but since I was alone in a room, I was able to somehow handle it for a year.

Most people since I can respond to them with somewhat intelligent sentences , they “re-diagnose” me in their head and challenge me.

Basically ignore that I have autism level 2, but since they don’t have my brain, they can’t comprehend how social interaction is such a challenge for me.

I can do 1 on 1 conversations really easy really because I’m talking to one person, but after more than 1 person, its really stressful .

My tone of voice is always shifting and I don’t necessarily want to but since I try so hard it does and half the time I’m always thinking “okay I sound monotone, or okay I sound now like I’m 15 years younger than I am, or okay I sound really loud and serious with a deeper voice”

But it’s because I’m constantly always thinking about it if I speak . Maybe it’s easier to have autism in another state , but Kentucky is scary to be diagnosed with autism and then tell someone. It’s not a good idea to tell anyone here.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 106,790
Location: the island of defective toy santas

14 Jan 2022, 2:24 pm

unless they're cussin' me out, people in general don't wanna talk to me. so i guess i must radiate some vibes that, even without anything emitting from my gob, still make them feel stressed somehow. btw, if somebody asked me [they never have] "do these [article of revealing clothing] make my butt look big?" i'd tell 'em something along the lines of "they make your butt look extra bootylicious and bootyful!" :bounce: :bounce:



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 62,260
Location: Portland, Oregon

14 Jan 2022, 7:20 pm

My mom not only says this to me, but also to my NT sister.

Our mom has a tendency to exaggerate and it's so annoying! :x


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,792

14 Jan 2022, 7:23 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
My mom not only says this to me, but also to my NT sister.

Our mom has a tendency to exaggerate and it's so annoying! :x


That's just mums in general. They love talking to their kids.