Feeling like I'm a bad uncle

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I find it hard being an uncle and seem to think I'm a bad uncle to my 2 year old nephew because I don't always feel I'm in the mindset to engage when he is upset when he doesn't get his way or is running around playing, laughing and screaming and stuff. To be honest I was in a quiet mood and was not in the mood to make a fuss of him as my sister, mum and her partner have been.

Last edited by chris1989 on 09 Jan 2022, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i grok where you're coming from on that. i am one of 3 substandard uncles, but i am the one that lives within 50 miles of my nieces so that adds more pressure. my other brothers are out of the picture.

You care & are not causing harm so in my opinion you are being a good uncle. He is your nephew & not your son so you are not supposed to take responsibility for his actions, that is his parent's job if they are around. Parents want to parent their own way & hate others butting in.

I have have a nephew about that age. I feel like I'm not expected to handle him when he's upset. He would rather have his Mum anyway.

I like playing with him though. If I build a tower of bricks or stacking cups he loves to run at them and knock them down. He thinks it's hilarious. He likes riding on his little push along car too. He's big enough to use his feet to make it go now, so doesn't need me to help.

It gets easier when they get older to play with kids. I have a cousin who is about 15 years younger than me. She was easier when we could play games with toys like My Little Ponies. I'm still to find out what games my nephew will play, he's too young yet.

Sometimes I sit and read to him. I point to things on the page and tell him about them. He knows a few animal noises. If I say "what noise does it make?" he can tell me. Moooo. Or if I say, where's the cow he can point to it.

Heh, I born an uncle, my dad's daughter from an earlier marriage already had sons, so I have nephews who are older than me.

My brother has a 2 1/2 year old son who's likely about to get an AS diagnosis (he's got noticeable delays for his age), and this is going to be interesting, as my brother, like most of my immediate relatives, has AS traits himself, but is very hostile to the idea that he personally has it. I'm terrible with children and my bro and his wife are covid paranoid so I haven't seen much of my nephew, but I'm hoping I can be helpful in the future if he does in fact have some ASD traits, as there's a lot of stuff I wish I'd learned earlier, or had someone around to guide me through. There's also the matter of teaching him to shoot at some point, as I'm not having children and neither is my half sister, so one day he's going to inherit everything I own, including a sizable armory that I'd like to think will stay in the family rather than simply being sold off after I'm gone.

I'm a nonexistent uncle in my niece and nephew's lives. I often think I should interact with them more but I can't find the time or energy for that. My brother wants me to play a greater part in their lives but I feel like I can't muster up any reserve fuel at this point to do that.

Rather than behaving badly in their presence I think it's better I simply don't exist, but I wish to be able to change that one day.

my two older brothers decided upon that route.

It's not a good route.

If I'm going to be less nonexistent I have to give up on something else, or I'm going to run head-first into an autistic burnout. Adult life has so many obligations and I feel like I still have the same brain I had when I was 9 to navigate it all with.

i thoroughly grok that.

I'm a non-existent uncle to my 15yr old nephew interstate, We have met barely 3-4 times in our life.

"nephew interstate"? what is interstate?

He lives in a different state. I live in Victoria, his parents live in Western Australia which is a different state (like California and Pennsylvania).

oh yeh, that is quite a distance. my oldest brother lives on the opposite side of the country from me [arizona versus washington]. i have another brother that, although he lives within driving distance, he might as well be living on one of the moons of mars.

Good points, I always give myself a reality check when I feel like criticising the human population for being so unfriendly in my local area I remember my own siblings, uncles, cousins don't talk to me. Lucky there's mum and dad.

I don't know why but I feel like I can't engage at the dinner table and then I end up staying quiet and looking withdrawn while my nephew is at the table making a lot of noise and having his nursery rhymes being played or something to divert his attention or if he is out of high-chair and is running around and stuff while we are eating. I don't what is exactly wrong with me here, I don't know if its because I'm not used to my sister being a mum for the first time and that there is a new life in the family and just finding it hard accepting that is what 2 year olds do. There have been times in the evening when I have a chat about how I'm feeling around my nephew and I'm worried I'm just going to keep being in a bad mood around him and not always willing to engage and that it will cause problems if things don't improve.

i learned long ago that i just don't have the "baby talk" in me to relate to little ones, i have real trouble, both physical [arthritis] and mental [fkkk all?] having the kind of empathy required to grok how the little ones are feeling [other than when they're upset] and knowing how to communicate with them in a way they get. a big thing is i can't seem to raise my voice [i'm a basso] to speak in the trebly sing-song method that proper parents and adults the world over, use to speak to little children and toddlers.