Kiwi Historian Tony Simpson’s memior

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I have always taken the dictum of the Italian Marxist Antonio Gramsci as my credo: “Let your pessimism of analysis be matched by the optimism of your will.”

I could read and write before I went to school. How that happened I don’t really know but when I went off to school I foolishly and innocently displayed my precocious literary habits. I soon learned to be much more circumspect and from that point and throughout my childhood lived two lives. There was the world of school and adults in which I generally met the requirements upon me, although there were occasional outbreaks of defiance, insolence, and what was described as ‘showing off’ when I couldn’t stand adult foolishness or even outright stupidity any more and showed my hand. As a result I was expelled but by the time I left secondary school I had learned to a very fine point how far you could go without stepping over the line into punishment.

My other life was in the universe of books where I read what and where I liked, and far in advance of my chronological reading age, particularly seeking out those things we were discouraged from reading or were actually forbidden by some fairly strict censorship laws. This included most of the works of DH Lawrence, and the writings of the Restoration poet John Wilmott.

I often used to wonder from time to time how I had metaphorically got through the restraining fence and into forbidden lands. Many years later I discovered the answer: I had a form of undiagnosed autism called Asperger’s Syndrome. This curious condition with which perhaps 0.07 percent of the population are born enables those who have it to make connections in the real world of social activity which no-one else can see, and, as in my case to express these connections in fluent written narrative (or in other cases musical or mathematical notation). In children it is an affliction because it earns them a reputation for being a smart alec. But as an adult it can be a considerable positive advantage.