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Joe90
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28 Feb 2022, 7:38 pm

When I was a teenager I was so painfully shy and had 0 confidence. I remember when I was 14 I went to my aunt's new boyfriend's house with my mum, and he had 2 sons that were age 16. I was so shy and self-conscious being around 2 teenage boys I didn't know, and I was s**t scared of saying anything in case I might say something dumb, so I literally sat rather still in the armchair for hours. I started to ache but I still didn't get up. The boys were in and out of the room talking to the others. I was secretly glad and thankful when my mum said we were going.

Another time when I was about 13 or 14 I was at a house party and I only knew a few relatives that I went with, so I was really shy. I was really thirsty but when the host of the party asked me if I wanted a drink I just looked at the ground and shook my head. Then I decided that I ought to have a drink before I dehydrated, so I then nodded. But by then it was too late. The host had gone again so I sat there feeling too embarrassed to want a drink because of turning one down before.

I didn't have selective mutism, I was just extremely shy when around unfamiliar people. It was severe when I was in my early teens. I'm glad I've grown out of it now and have learnt how to relax more and enjoy meeting new people. Was anyone extremely shy as a teenager?


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Edna3362
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28 Feb 2022, 10:21 pm

I was not shy. Nor lacking confidence.

Just utterly apathethic or too hostile.
No patience and no interest to deal with anyone else's doing, thinking or feeling except out of my way.

Unless someone wants to get violently hurt in more ways than one, because no one listened to go away.


Yet otherwise, no issues around unfamiliarity and trying new things, no issues around standing out and even doing socially inappropriate behaviors while at it.
It was simply a time that no one just get it and was really angry at that fact.


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auntblabby
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01 Mar 2022, 5:06 am

i couldn't connect with anybody even if i could indeed look folks in the eye. it was like i was oil and the others were water.



mohsart
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01 Mar 2022, 6:30 am

I don't know.
I started connecting with others around when I turned 20 so that's when I realized that I was shy.
That's an exaggeration, and I was very very shy before that, but actually not as much as a teen as before and after that.

/Mats


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Lost_dragon
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01 Mar 2022, 7:59 pm

I essentially had two states of being as a teenager. Either reckless levels of self-confidence or absolutely no confidence whatsoever. I was a quiet kid who struggled to look certain teachers in the eyes. Sometimes I would be underestimated and people would blame things on me because they assumed I would be a pushover. However, I had my limits. I was a mess of contradictions because I'd talk back to teachers if they pushed me too far or even to my bullies despite my better judgement, yet I was also the kid who was too anxious to ask for help and would rather mess up disastrously than raise my hand.

Really it all depended on how far I was pushed. I tried my best to avoid trouble, but trouble didn't want to avoid me. There were a lot of ups and downs in my teenage years. My confidence was constantly switching between high and low. I'd build it up again only for something to happen and then I was back to square one. The cycle kept repeating. It took a while to break out of the cycle. Whenever I moved into a new setting, I would revert back to my shy and anxious state.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Mar 2022, 8:06 pm

I was pretty shy as a teenager.

I would visibly tremble and stutter whenever I would ask a girl out. And that's if I got up the courage for it!



HighLlama
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02 Mar 2022, 5:44 am

This is not directed at the OP, but I often question the use of the word shy in regard to myself or autistics. I think it makes sense from an NT perspective, as they don't understand the sensory issues. People often think I'm shy because I'm quiet and keep to myself. But I find most eye contact, vocal inflections, and facial expressions distressing. They can be quite painful, so yes--I will avoid being in constant physical and emotional pain. But, that's like saying I'm too shy to touch a burning stove. I suppose it's technically correct, but not very accurate. For me, shy seems more accurate when describing something I can and want to do, but feel afraid about doing.



auntblabby
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02 Mar 2022, 6:23 am

ya know, folks- amuuuurican english is a kinda funny thing... the verb form of "shy" certainly applies to my mundane situation, for i shy from pain and shy from danger. lotsa different kindsa both things. so because of that, i guess i properly could be described in a sense, as "shy."



mohsart
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02 Mar 2022, 8:51 am

auntblabby wrote:
ya know, folks- amuuuurican english is a kinda funny thing... the verb form of "shy" certainly applies to my mundane situation, for i shy from pain and shy from danger. lotsa different kindsa both things. so because of that, i guess i properly could be described in a sense, as "shy."

Oh, in that sense I'm/was not shy at all.
I never tried to avoid my bullies, because I didn't fear them. Sure they could hurt me, but so what, I'd heal.
And I took lots of risks, like solo rock climbing and (later) drinking myself half to death and eg walking on the subway tracks into the tunnels and so on. It's not until recently that I'd become aware of the posibility of dying, and I'm still not afraid of it.

/Mats


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Sarahsmith
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02 Mar 2022, 7:02 pm

Yes, I smoked pot. It made me be able to carry on a conversation and dress more ‘normal.’ But it certainly didn’t solve all my problems. I was still a big geek. Just one that discovered pot.



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02 Mar 2022, 7:05 pm

That’s supposed to say yes, until I smoked pot. I can’t edit it because my phone is ancient and can’t update anymore.



auntblabby
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03 Mar 2022, 12:43 am

i was too clueless to be shy in terms of talking to people. i didn't get the full picture of how much they didn't wanna talk with me until too late to avoid becoming a hermit. :|



lostonearth35
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03 Mar 2022, 12:48 am

No, I just didn't like interacting with other teens that had no interests similar to mine and couldn't even pretend I was interested in theirs. I just wanted to be left alone. But all loners are freaks, so...



HighLlama
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03 Mar 2022, 6:36 am

lostonearth35 wrote:
No, I just didn't like interacting with other teens that had no interests similar to mine and couldn't even pretend I was interested in theirs. I just wanted to be left alone. But all loners are freaks, so...


We are made for individuality. All these people trying to be the same, hiding their true selves, are freaks.



Reikistar
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14 Mar 2022, 3:36 pm

Yes painfully shy and a loner.



babybird
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27 Mar 2022, 8:33 am

I still am.


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