Why SHOULD you have a child sooner rather than later ?

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sandbox1234
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19 May 2022, 4:16 am

Muse933277 wrote:
When you have a kid, it's like rolling a giant dice, and you never know what set of strengths and challenges your kid will inherit. You could do everything right parenting wise, but your kid could still wind up addicted to drugs and dead at 25, or wind up in prison for a long time for commiting a major crime. Or your kid may have some sort of major disability where they need more parental support than usual.


and believe me as someone who is 37 with an autistic kid, all of this would be SO MUCH easier to bare if I was 25. I have to sit here and think about if my kid is going to be ok as a 50 year old once I'm too old to take care of them.

Now that I have one autistic kid and being 37, I am most definitely not having any more. I want all my attention and resources to go to the one I have. I dont want them to have to potentially fight for attention and resources with another high needs kid. Its sad because I actually wanted two. So yeah..theres another reason to have them younger...you can leave a big gap and see if your first has special needs. If you have your first at 35, your gap won't be big enough to judge.

Finally...special needs? there is a genetic aspect to it.. and your likelihood increases as you age.

I also know several people in their mid 30s who waited to have kids but sadly it was too late. Infertility issues.



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19 May 2022, 2:09 pm

^^ See. Learn from others' mistakes.



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19 May 2022, 5:10 pm

Just had 2nd child at age of 36. First one came at 33. One child at this age is manageable. A second one will be exhausting. Working and coming home to know you won't have time for much else will leave you wanting a vacation. Of course, you don't have the money for that either because you have two children.

Having the children when younger would have been better as I can remember having more energy. I don't know if I would have been ready then, but I don't know if I can say I was ready at 33 either. I don't think many people truly realize the responsibility that comes with raising children until they have to do it.


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22 May 2022, 2:49 am

To be honest, I have always believed that a good relationship can be without children. At the moment there are 8 billion people on the planet, the resources on the planet are not infinite, so before you have a child, are you sure you can handle it?



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25 May 2022, 5:27 pm

Sperm and egg quality start to spoil as people get older. Couples also have more energy when they're younger. Also, parents who start shagging at a later age might not be alive to see their kids graduate, or see their own grandchildren.


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25 May 2022, 6:03 pm

parenting, by and large, is too haphazard to be left to the amateurs.



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29 May 2022, 1:21 am

As a parent... I'm very glad I had my first child "young" (at least by modern standards). I didn't know back then if I would like kids, but it turned out that I love them. Starting early meant that I got to meet my favorite people sooner and got to have more of them.



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29 May 2022, 1:24 am

You should have a child later rather than sooner so you have more time to enjoy your life before the child is born.


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29 May 2022, 1:24 am

Pteranomom wrote:
As a parent... I'm very glad I had my first child "young" (at least by modern standards). I didn't know back then if I would like kids, but it turned out that I love them. Starting early meant that I got to meet my favorite people sooner and got to have more of them.

how do you handle them if they become demanding?



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30 May 2022, 5:35 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You would be surprised how many people become first-time parents in their 40s. Probably a higher percentage of men than women, though plenty of women in their 40s have children.

I would say, objectively, that it would be okay for a person to have a first child in their 40s. There are many people in their 40s, 50s, and even their 60s who are healthy enough to play ruggedly with their children.

I'm 61 years old, and I can still chase after kids.


Men can have kids whenever.

Unfortunately, waiting until the 40s is not a great option for most women. Egg quality really declines precipitously in the late 30s, making it substantially harder to conceive after 40. That said, there are anomalies, and some women can have kids in their mid-to-late 40s or after. I've just seen a lot of heartbreak in friends trying to conceive in their 40-s. Of course, with technology available to bank eggs at a younger age or use donor eggs from a younger woman, there are still ways for women to get pregnant later in life.

As for me, I had a child at 36, and that worked out great. 20s may be a great decade biologically to have a kid, but I was in no way ready then.



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31 May 2022, 11:10 am

Biologically, having a child is easier when you're young. But economic resources and emotional maturity both give older parents an advantage.

I know in my case, if I'd had a child 6 years ago, I'd have a lot more difficulty coping with looking after her, because I wouldn't have had those 6 years to work on healing from C-PTSD. When I realized I wanted kids at the age of 26, that would have been an ideal time to conceive biologically, but I was definitely not ready for parenthood emotionally. Luckily, I had the good sense to realize that and start working on it, with the goal of starting to try to conceive at 30 years old.



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31 May 2022, 8:14 pm

Quote:
Men can have kids whenever.


Not really. Research has shown that though a man can produce sperm after middle age, the quality of his sperm tends to decline around and after the age of 40 or 50, with regard to factors such as mobility, sperm count, and genetic "health." He's also more likely to contribute to unsuccessful pregnancies--still births, miscarriages, etc.

At least some societies (or parts of them) are very reluctant to admit it, but it's natural for anyone's fertility to decrease as they age. Andropause, or male menopause, is currently considered by some as medical condition that needs treatment, rather than a natural phase akin to puberty, but really, I have to think that that mindset is the result of big egos and an illness-based, pharmaceutical, for-profit medical model rather than one based on wellness and an acceptance and even appreciation of all the stages of our lives.



auntblabby
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01 Jun 2022, 5:00 am

at least one study has shown that old sperm produces a much higher rate of birth defects including autism/schizophrenia.



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01 Jun 2022, 5:02 am

But the vast majority of older women still give birth to healthy kids.

My mother was 26 when she had me, who was born autistic.



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01 Jun 2022, 5:48 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
But the vast majority of older women still give birth to healthy kids.

My mother was 26 when she had me, who was born autistic.

but not necessarily with old sperm.



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01 Jun 2022, 6:05 pm

Well it is said in a general sense that women biologically tend to mature faster than men. But if this is true, why do so many women, even ones I know, wait till they are close to 40 before they decide to settle down and want kids, compared to more men I know, who seem to want to earlier, almost as if perhaps more men know when to quit while they are ahead and cash out.

Unless that is incorrect in most cases?