I Want My Life To Be Over!

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I hate myself!! ! I wish I was dead. I’m trapped in this stupid apartment, my sister think I’m a liar, I been emailing my cousin, she can ignore things I write in my emails, I HATE the apartment above my head, I was in my living room watching TV & I thought there was an earthquake, it was the apartment above my head, the neighbors were on stairs, they must be wearing heavy boots, I got very upset, I almost went into a bad depression. I been hearing alot of people outside. I’m having a bad day, I can get dizzy, I’m having pretty bad anxiety, I hate my money problems, I hate my stupid sister. I have no help in life, my neighbor were talking out my trash, he moved, I have no help, I want to die.

Kitty i wish i could help you. The only people in my life are my parents and they will be gone someday too. I wish there was a place for us where we could be protected and supported.

This is one of the many reasons why we NEED a much better-organized autistic community than now exists. We need LOCAL mutual-aid groups that can help us build alternative extended families of close friends who are committed to looking out for each other's well-being.

For many of us, our families-of-birth may be good enough for this purpose when we are young. But not when we get older.

Your situation sounds awful!

I'm wondering if there might be any social services you are not yet aware of that can provide the kinds of practical help that you need.

You're in California. Dunno if this will help, but here is a list of suicide hotlines in California. I have no idea if they can provide referrals to social services that can provide the kinds of practical help that you need, but I hope they can.

My thoughts exactly. There was a point in my life i was so scared of being left alone whn i was older i considered getting married to people i have just met. The lack of social services for people like us is such a real problem.

Agreed. And, for those of us whose families of birth aren't an option for support it's incredibly difficult throughout life.

Kitty, if you would feel comfortable PMing me the town you live in or just your zip code, I can research online a little and see if I can find a local agency for you to call to apply for some support services. Since you also have a physical disability and are on a fixed income, maybe you would qualify for what is called a Medicaid waiver program, which would provide you with a caregiver to come in a few days a week and help with "activities of daily living," like bathing, dressing, cooking and light housework, as well as a Case Manager to coordinate your services.

I don't know enough about your personal and financial situation or the eligibility requirements in your state to know what you qualify for, but, as I said, maybe I can at least give you some numbers to call, so you can speak with people who can give some guidance on your options.

Important P.S. to the above: Kitty, if you call a suicide hotline, you probably should protect your privacy by NOT giving them your legal name and address, lest you risk getting involuntarily committed to a mental hospital. For that same reason, I would recommend protecting your phone privacy by dialing *67 (star key, followed by 67) before the phone number.

My family think they can help me, I’m having soooooo much problems because of Aspergers, they don’t care to learn about it, that is sad to me. I always thought when you really love someone & want what best for them & if you have a condition or a medical condition like Cerebral Pasly, they would learn about whatever you have. My mom learned about my Cerebral Pasly & Psoriasis, I didn’t find out about my Aspergers until I was in my 20s, after I found out, my mom learned about Aspergers, she told me some stuff about it. Why can’t nobody else learn about Aspergers? I guess they lazy or don’t love me too much to learn. My sister think she knows about Aspergers, her son’s friends have Aspergers, they were teenagers when she learned about Aspergers, she learned about Aspergers online & talk to a doctor & then she thought she was expert. How am I suppose to deal with my sister who claims she think she knows ALOT about me, I really really cannot handle that, she acting like she is so smart, she don’t realize she is sooooo badly hurting me mentally, physically & emotionally. Everything would be easier if I could make my own money, but my mom had to put my sister in charge of the trust fund, my sister is slowly killing me.

Thanks for wanting to help. There is a program to help disabled people, someone from my town was helping me, she was cleaning my apartment, doing my laundry, sometimes bringing me cheeseburgers& fries, she not helping me anymore. She told me about this program, it sounded too good to be truth. They have somebody that can work with Aspergers people.


In-Home Supportive Services (IHSS) Program

no sweetheart

if you need to talk to somebody, I'm here xxx

Yeah, they use different names for those types of services, depending upon where you live, but all states have Medicaid Waiver programs. It sounds like that's what she is describing and, if so, it's a real thing, not something too good to be true.

Did she give you contact information for applying? Otherwise, you might be able to Google it. Unfortunately without knowing where you live, I can't really look it up for you or provide more detailed info.

If you don't qualify for services on the basis of ASD, you may qualify based upon your physical limitations. Hope you consider pursuing it. It would be great to see you get the support you need. Please keep us updated.

She gave me paperwork & I have the website address. I live in California.

I was like you, when I was in my 20s, I met a man online in a game site, we became friends, he was much older, I considered having a baby with him so I wouldn’t be alone, I wanted a baby for the wrong reasons. I was still very scared after that, my parents & me went to look at apartments for me, I wanted to be ready to move out of my mom’s house, they found a cute condo for me, at the last minute, I changed my mind, I got sooooo scared, my mom let me continue living with her, I wasn’t mentally ready to move out. I want a guy in my life, not because I’m scared of getting older alone, I want guy to love & I want a female friend to be there for me.



Thanks for wanting to help I wish there was a place too like an Autism apartment building where they can have quite for people that have a sensory issues & apartments would be spread out so people won’t hear too many noises, that would be a dream come true

Omg a similar thing happened to me. A guy tried to talk me to get married to him and have a baby since i was "getting older" and i was so scared of not having anyone to love and support me i actually considered it. Ideally i would like someone to love too but it seems so impossible i don't want to ask for too much now. Just having friends is enough and i don't even have any friends left.

That's great. Do you plan to apply?

If you need help with the process, maybe there is a number on the website you could call or you could reach out the Center for Independent Living that serves your area. https://www.cfilc.org/find-ilc/

This is the address. Is this good, you said it may not be good.


https://www.cdss.ca.gov/in-home-supportive-services