Funny, corny joke thread

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What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it's hit by a car?

It's bottom...

Why did the British win WWII?

Because the British kept calm and carried on while the Germans were crying into their hankies.

How many abducted backpackers does it take to change the light in my basement?

It has to be more than 5, it's still dark down there...

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender replies "No! This is a bar! There's no grapes, get out of here!"
An hour later the duck comes back and asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender replies "I told you there's no grapes, get out of here!"
An hour later, the duck returns again and asks "Got any grapes?" The bartender says, "If you ask me that again, I will nail your beak to the floor! Get out of here!"
Another hour passes, and the duck returns again and asks "Got any nails?" The bartender screams "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS IS A BAR! OF COURSE I DON'T HAVE NAILS!" The duck replies "Got any grapes?"

Kona-lisa

Never criticise anyone without walking a mile in their shoes.

That way when you do, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes...

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met someone with no feet.

So I took their shoes.

One for the older members:

Why do elephants have Big Ears?

Because Noddy won't pay the ransom...

Who is that Union Jack running through the aisles at Shannon Hall?

That's the German kid who comes in each week. He's between crazy pills right now.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

A: To hide in Cherry Trees.

Q: But I've never seen ... oh.

Flea Market Owner: I see that you're selling drug paraphernalia.

German Kid: Those are happy pills.

Flea Market Owner: You don't have to be like that wild guy in the other building. In fact, I'm about to get rid of him.

German Kid: The proceeds go to Mental Health Canada

Flea Market Owner: I know you're not well, but be yourself and sell things to do with Germany.

German Kid: Such as black, red and yellow pretzel charms?

Flea Market Owner: Precisely.

Q: What's the best thing about having ADHD and Autism?
A: Umm, I can't remember... But I can tell you everything I know about planes and guitars

A dairy farmer thought giving his cattle canabis would calm them down when it comes time for milking

Let's just say the steaks have never been higher

A man goes to see a psychiatrist; the psychiatrist asks him how can I help you? The man said "I've been feeling like a dog lately" The psychiatrist replies "that's interesting; how long have you felt this way? The man replied "ever since I was a puppy"

How do the Welsh make cheese?

Caerphilly.