Funny, corny joke thread

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Fnord
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07 Oct 2023, 11:57 pm

Why did the psychic chicken hang itself?

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No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.

Fnord
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08 Oct 2023, 12:02 am

A son says to his father "Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?"
The father replies, "Both, son..."

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No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.

Comet Zed
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08 Oct 2023, 12:48 am

how many Freudian psychoanalysts does it take to change a penis - I mean lightbulb?

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uh-huh wooo yeah

And So It Goes
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18 Oct 2023, 8:09 am

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose!

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"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

"And I've embraced the calamity, with a detachment and a passive disinterest."

"I hear voices...But I ignore them and just carry on killing."

Recidivist
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18 Oct 2023, 9:38 am

Fnord wrote:

A son says to his father "Dad, I forget. Am I awesome or fantastic?"
The father replies, "Both, son..."

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Another man's freedom fighter, one man's terrorist is - Yoda (probably)

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18 Oct 2023, 9:39 am

How do you make a napkin dance?

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Another man's freedom fighter, one man's terrorist is - Yoda (probably)

Cornflake
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23 Oct 2023, 9:02 am

A man accidentally ran over a farmer's cockerel so he went to apologize to him.
He said "I'm so sorry, I ran over your cockerel - I'd like to replace him".
The farmer says "Well, Ok - the chickens are round the back".

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Giraffe: a ruminant with a view.

Cornflake
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23 Oct 2023, 9:04 am

Just had a Tarka Masala.

It's like a Tikka Masala, but a little otter.

badum-tish, etc.
I'll get me coat...

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Giraffe: a ruminant with a view.

Basiliscus amoratus
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26 Oct 2023, 12:30 am

What do lizards do when they're desperate for money?

Work for scale!

funeralxempire
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26 Oct 2023, 1:01 am

A duck orders a drink from the bar.
The bartender asks, "how will you be paying?"
The duck responses, "eh, just put it on my bill."

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Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う

Comet Zed
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30 Oct 2023, 10:10 pm

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Call it whatever you want, it's not going to come to you...

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uh-huh wooo yeah

Comet Zed
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30 Oct 2023, 10:11 pm

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef...

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uh-huh wooo yeah

Comet Zed
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30 Oct 2023, 10:12 pm

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef...

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Comet Zed
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30 Oct 2023, 10:13 pm

what do you call a lady with one leg?

Ilene...

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Campingbare
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31 Oct 2023, 6:48 pm

And So It Goes wrote:

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose!

The carbonation burned my sinuses

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Broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 139 of 200 Your neurotypical score: 60 of 200
Aspie Quiz (v5) 155 of 200 .. AQ 48 . Detailed Aspie Quotient for adults 1,540 out of 2,200 (70%)
RAADS-R Total 192 of 240 Social Problems 91 Circumscribed Interests 42 Language 19 Sensory Motor 40
Meyer-Briggs: INTP Comorbidities: Narcolepsy, NPD, Alexithemia, Dyspraxia, Prosopagnosia, Anomia, IBS
........................If God meant for us to go around naked, we'd have been born that way........................

lostonearth35
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31 Oct 2023, 7:56 pm

In the cafeteria at a Catholic school there was a pile of apples for the students to eat. One of the nuns placed a sign in front of the apples that said "Take only one. God is watching."

A little boy saw the sign and went further up where there was a pile of cookies. He wrote up a sign and placed in front of the cookies that said, "Take as many as you want, God is watching the apples."

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