Funny, corny joke thread

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What did the buddhist monk say to the catholic priest?

"My karma just ran over your dogma."

What did the same Buddhist monk order at the burger shop?

"make me one with everything"

I bought a new vaccume today, it's a dyson

It really sucks, 5 stars

Two vomits were walking down the street of their old home town, reminiscing about the good old days. Suddenly one of the vomits stops, stares and starts quietly weeping...

"Are you ok?" asks his vomit friend,

"This is the house where I was brought up..." he replies.

I was talking to a female eagle the other day. Somehow we got on to talking about careers and families, and she explained that she had decided to put her career first, and had missed the opportunity to have kids. Though she was somewhat sad about this, in the end she told me;

she had no egrets.

I have to say I am always filled with immense pride that human earthlings have consistently won every single Miss/Mr Universe competition...

You were expecting someone else?













































The Christmas Soldier is back.

What's this?

A B C C C C C C C D E F G H J K L M N O P Q RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


It's the Pirate Alphabet; it has seven c's (seven seas), it's missing an I (eye) and it gets stuck on R (AAARRRRRRRR!)

Guy is in the hospital, in bed, in his gown and the nurse comes round. Through his oxygen mask, he asks “are my testicles black?”

The nurse lifts up his gown, moves some bits around, lifts some bits up and gets up close, and says “no, all looks good and the right colour to me.”

Buddy takes his oxygen mask off and says “that was lovely and all, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?”

A vicar, a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The barman says to the rabbit, "What are you doing here?"

He replies,"Bloody Autocorrect".

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

Did you know that diarrhoea is hereditary?

It runs in your jeans...

What's the difference between a banjo and onions?

No one cries when you start cutting up banjos.

What did the drummer get on their IQ test?

Drool...