Where do ASD people find love?

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dorkseid
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05 May 2022, 3:18 pm

The answer is obvious: nowhere.



Fnord
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05 May 2022, 3:20 pm

dorkseid wrote:
The answer is obvious: nowhere.
SOME people with ASDs may never find love; yours is not the general case.



dorkseid
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05 May 2022, 3:54 pm

Perhaps. But those of us who still haven't by this point (hence the ones who ask this question) likely never will.



hurtloam
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05 May 2022, 4:00 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Perhaps. But those of us who still haven't by this point (hence the ones who ask this question) likely never will.


Agreed.

Better to find our niche elsewhere.



Mitchell M.
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13 Jul 2022, 11:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's erroneous to believe 18-25 year old women are necessarily at the "peak" of their attractiveness. I've known many women in their 40s (or older) who are as attractive---perhaps even more attractive----than when they were in their teens and 20s.

Just like this whole idea of "sexual peak"-----all a bunch of blarney.


25 - 35 is very attractive to me, and I'm 20 years old with Asperger's.



rdos
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13 Jul 2022, 12:29 pm

Women peek in attractiveness between 18 and 20, which has evolutionary reasons, but then why would anybody want to base love on attractiveness? It's only silly guys that make that kind of decisions (or those that are in the top of attractiveness themselves). Then there are guys that denies the peek too, but lets call them "smooth-talkers" with an agenda. :-)

I don't agree with the premise that age is a problem for finding love. Particular for ASD people that learn by experience instead of NT dogma, this experience can make a big difference. I certainly deny this effect for myself. :-)



Last edited by rdos on 13 Jul 2022, 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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13 Jul 2022, 12:31 pm

I often peek at women who are at their peak of attractiveness.



rdos
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13 Jul 2022, 12:33 pm

Fnord wrote:
I often peek at women who are at their peak of attractiveness.


Sure, but I suppose you are not silly enough to actually pursue them for love, are you? :-)



nick007
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15 Jul 2022, 7:34 am

rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I often peek at women who are at their peak of attractiveness.


Sure, but I suppose you are not silly enough to actually pursue them for love, are you? :-)
:lol: I also peek at those women but also women who are a bit older as well. If I was single & thought I'd have half a chance with a woman in that age range, I woulda tried making a move but I would NOT limit myself to them. In lots of ways I think I'm more compatible with younger women than women around my age but as long as the woman was legal & not much older than me, her age would not really be a factor or concern for me.


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1986
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15 Jul 2022, 8:52 am

I've always pursued partners around my own age, give or take a few years up and down. It's just coincidence my partner is 2 years older than me.

I don't agree beauty necessarily peaks around 20. There might be some kind of "scientific consensus" but there's a huge variation between individuals. It can be anything from 20-40 IMO, or even older depending on your own age. I mean, Christine Lagarde looks great and she's 66.



rdos
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15 Jul 2022, 11:05 am

1986 wrote:
I don't agree beauty necessarily peaks around 20. There might be some kind of "scientific consensus" but there's a huge variation between individuals.


I base that on a large survey in Aspie Quiz many years ago. Both autistics and NTs preferred 18-20 year old women, regardless of their own age. They rated both younger and older as less attractive, but even those that were not legal got rather high scores. It comes down to biology & evolution, which is why "I need the most attractive partner possible" is kind of silly and inconsistent. It implies you need to switch partner every once in a while.

1986 wrote:
It can be anything from 20-40 IMO, or even older depending on your own age. I mean, Christine Lagarde looks great and she's 66.


I don't care about looks, and 20 or 55 doesn't make much of a difference for being a potential romantic partner.



rdos
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15 Jul 2022, 11:08 am

nick007 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I often peek at women who are at their peak of attractiveness.


Sure, but I suppose you are not silly enough to actually pursue them for love, are you? :-)
:lol: I also peek at those women but also women who are a bit older as well. If I was single & thought I'd have half a chance with a woman in that age range, I woulda tried making a move but I would NOT limit myself to them. In lots of ways I think I'm more compatible with younger women than women around my age but as long as the woman was legal & not much older than me, her age would not really be a factor or concern for me.


I prefer 40 over 20. Too much of an age difference with women in their 20s. :-)



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15 Jul 2022, 12:10 pm

I mean my sister is a rude, very high strung, unemployed, alcoholic.

She could get away with these qualities when she was in her teens and early twenties since she was a hot young blonde. She rode on her looks all throughout her teens and twenties to find boys, without ever having to work on herself at all.

Now she's 33, decently divorced, doesn't have the looks she used to, and soon she will be hit with a hard reality! A reality that ugly people and average looking men get hit with as teenagers. If you want to find a partner, you have to work on and invest in yourself.

Sure, she can get laid and maybe get a short relationship but once they find out my sister is unemployed, a hardcore alcoholic, and very moody 50% of the time, most of good quality men will take off. So for the first time in her dating career, she's going to eventually have to realize that she has to work on herself, since she can't get away with the s**t she could get away with at 18, 19, 20, 21.



Being ugly in the dating market sucks. But the advantage of being ugly is that you learn at a young age, that if you want someone, you better put in the work because it's not going to be handed to you, like it is if you're an 8/10.



kraftiekortie
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15 Jul 2022, 12:53 pm

It depends on the person, really.

Some people "peak in looks" at age 20 or so.

But I've also seen people "peak in looks" at ages like 40s, 50s, even 60s. I actually feel I look just as good at 61 as I did when I was in my 20s.



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15 Jul 2022, 11:05 pm

Erjoy29 wrote:
Dating in my teens and 20’s was somewhat easier. The older I get, the more I realize how much harder it is to date. Two reasons: people at my age are more likely to seek out those who are truly compatible with them as well as 30 year olds being even more mentally advanced than they are in their 20’s and younger. People were already more mentally advanced than me when I was young but the mental advancement is more and more apparent as time goes on. Im like, whoa, I’m still in the same place but you guys keep going more far and higher. I’m far more likely to be rejected these days than I was in the past. I know because I experienced it. I still feel like I have a kid’s brain for my age. I don’t know if I really want a relationship though because I go through a lot of sensory overload as it is and the thought of a relationship somewhat overwhelms me, but it does make me curious though…where do autistic people find love?


I was just curious, have you talked to doctors or psychologicy specialists about not advancing and maybe they could help there perhaps, which may help in dating?



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15 Jul 2022, 11:13 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
But what happens? You reach your 30s, you start putting on weight, the skin starts developing wrinkles, you no longer have the ability to eat whatever you want and still look fit. Overall, your looks begin to decline, and they ESPECIALLY begin to decline if you abused drugs and alcohol for long periods of time, or you don't eat right and never exercise. As a result, you don't have the dating power like you used to in your twenties. Dating went from laughably easy as a young 21 year old woman, to actually kind of difficult when the mid thirties, and ESPECIALLY the forties start coming around. The men who gave you attention when you were young and hot, now won't give you much time of the day. The MGTOW's have a term for this phenomenon, it's called "The Wall".


Wow. That's pretty harsh.

I met my partner when I was ... (?) ... 51 and he was 59.

I don't know what a MGTOW is but they sound really judgmental.

The men who thought I was hot when I was 21 aged at the same rate that I did, so it's all relative.