Fear of another friend abandoning me

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Tim_Tex
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29 May 2022, 11:27 am

Just a little over a year after losing a very loyal friend, I am now afraid that history may be repeating itself.

A friend of about 10 years, who I admit to having a bit of a crush on, is in love with someone else (so far, it's just a crush between the two, not an full relationship) and I am worried about losing one of two remaining friends with the same interests as me. The other friend is rarely online, so if I lose this friend to another guy, I have nobody to talk to about my interests.

I once had 30 friends with the same interests, now I could have none.


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klanka
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29 May 2022, 12:03 pm

I make friends through church and got a job through someone at church recently.

You need more friends cos she could find someone at some point and she would probably abandon you cos the boyfriend would get jealous.



Tim_Tex
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29 May 2022, 3:14 pm

klanka wrote:
I make friends through church and got a job through someone at church recently.

You need more friends cos she could find someone at some point and she would probably abandon you cos the boyfriend would get jealous.


Nobody in Houston has the same interests, and the friend in question is in another part of the US.


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temp1234
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29 May 2022, 3:50 pm

Is it possible for you to become friends with this guy that your friend is in love with? I think it is possible for your friend to be that guy's girlfriend and your friend at the same time. If that guy is a decent human being, then he wouldn't prevent his new girlfriend from keeping her long-term male friends.

As you can't stop someone from being in love with someone else and going into a relationship, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. You shouldn't try to prevent it or show your jealousy because doing so will surely push her further away from you. I know it's hard but being a happy person (at least outwardly) is the best way to keep friends around. Then when possible, you can gradually shift your interest to new people. That's the best to way for you to be happy. Any way, I really do understand that horrible feeling of realizing that a friend is drifting away.



klanka
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29 May 2022, 3:57 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
klanka wrote:
I make friends through church and got a job through someone at church recently.

You need more friends cos she could find someone at some point and she would probably abandon you cos the boyfriend would get jealous.


Nobody in Houston has the same interests, and the friend in question is in another part of the US.

You mean nobody in Houston that you know has the same interests?
Or its so niche that its literally noone



Tim_Tex
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29 May 2022, 6:40 pm

klanka wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
klanka wrote:
I make friends through church and got a job through someone at church recently.

You need more friends cos she could find someone at some point and she would probably abandon you cos the boyfriend would get jealous.


Nobody in Houston has the same interests, and the friend in question is in another part of the US.

You mean nobody in Houston that you know has the same interests?
Or its so niche that its literally noone


The only cities where I can find large groups of people with the same interests are NYC, San Francisco, and Seattle--all cities that I can't afford.

And my friend is already starting to drift away.


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TwilightPrincess
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29 May 2022, 6:57 pm

Are there any subreddits that are dedicated to your interests?

That’s not really a solution because it’s practically impossible to make friends on Reddit.

What interests are you referring to? Do you mean the specific TV shows that you like?


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klanka
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30 May 2022, 1:19 am

There's something I'm curious about. Would it be possible to live on the outskirts of one of those cities band be able to afford rent? Somewhere close to public transport if you don't own a car



Tim_Tex
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30 May 2022, 2:32 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
Are there any subreddits that are dedicated to your interests?

That’s not really a solution because it’s practically impossible to make friends on Reddit.

What interests are you referring to? Do you mean the specific TV shows that you like?


Shows like the Simpsons and South Park (animated sitcoms), traveling, indie/foreign films.

Nobody likes the Simpsons and South Park, etc, in Houston due to evangelical Christians thinking those shows are evil.

Traveling: People would rather sit at home and play video games than travel.

Indie/foreign films: Again, evangelicals. Last year, the last indie theater in Houston closed down due to the pandemic. But I blamed evangelical Christians. As such, I requested the song "WAP" by Cardi B--on a Christian radio station.


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klanka
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30 May 2022, 3:14 am

I used to live in the American south, even the most conservative Christian city has a 'hippie' part of town where they sell the tie dye T-shirts.



Tim_Tex
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30 May 2022, 3:53 am

klanka wrote:
I used to live in the American south, even the most conservative Christian city has a 'hippie' part of town where they sell the tie dye T-shirts.


The "hippie" neighborhood in Houston had traditionally been Montrose, but the hippies, hipsters, LGBTs have been displaced due to gentrification, and no successor neighborhood was established. Also, a great deal of them moved to other states due to Abbott's draconian laws.


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klanka
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30 May 2022, 4:07 am

ah that sucks, what about the thing about living on the outskirts of one of those cool cities?



Tim_Tex
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30 May 2022, 4:44 am

I've tried online groups for my interests, including groups that had tens of thousands of members. Not one member was from the Houston area.

My friend has begun withdrawing from online life (even though the guy she is crushing on doesn't live in her area either), and I'm worried she may be gone for good.

If that's true, my chances of being with someone who likes the Simpsons and South Park are gone forever.


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TwilightPrincess
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30 May 2022, 7:59 am

I’m not really friends with people who share my interests, either.

I recall it being nice to be able to share them with others, but I’ve gotten kind of used to being a lone wolf.

Maybe you need friends who don’t necessarily have the same special interests?


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Tim_Tex
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30 May 2022, 8:11 am

The reason for my interests is that they're things conservatives hate.

(Though I don't consider myself to be liberal either)


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TwilightPrincess
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30 May 2022, 8:18 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
The reason for my interests is that they're things conservatives hate.

(Though I don't consider myself to be liberal either)


I guess you could just look for less conservative people. That’s what I need to do. My small town is SO conservative; I can’t relate to them.

Teachers in the school I work at complain about not being able to talk about God or pray but that being LGBT is acceptable. It drives me nuts.


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