My friend asked me to loan him money in this case...

Post Reply New Topic

My friend has been borrowing money from me to pay rent but he always pays me back so far. He asked to help him pay for a bike recently and wanted a more expensive bike of a specific type and was going to pay me back with interest. But I ended up turning him down. A couple of weeks later, he started having some sleep apnea problems now and he asked me to loan him $2000 for a sleep apnea machine, because he is having problems breathing while sleeping.

He says he can pay me back because the way the health insurance works is, once he pays that amount the insurance company reimburses him two weeks later.

But I am weary about lending him $2000.  I don't know if these insurance companies can be set up so they will pay me back the money instead of him, if I am the one paying, but I can try to look into it.  But if not, what do you think?
My friend says that sleep apnea is dangerous for his breathing, and he is worried and wants to get the machine, which is understandable.  But my gf says she feels he may be being a bit dramatic about it as lots of people have sleep apnea machine and are fine.

Now according to the internet there are cheaper sleep apnea machines than that, but maybe he needs a special kind for his condition, or maybe the insurance company will only reimburse a certain kind perhaps.  I am waiting to find out more.

But what do you think?  If his health and his life perhaps are at steak, should I lend him the money for it and hope the insurance company pays him back, to pay me, like he said?

How long have you known him?

no, dave ramsey would say; pay cash

it's not a necessity, or any (cheap) bike would do
anything above needs needs to be saved up for

and you'll lose a friend if you loan that, or lose a friend by saying no
i wish people wouldn't have the drive to profit from other people, apparently this is irrestistable for most

I always get nervous when friends ask for money.

As a general rule of thumb, most friends on the lower end of the socioeconomic heap can be shameless when it comes to favours. Car lifts, money, delivery man, they can and will run you off your feet if they get a bite to their requests. Giving your all is never enough to some.

I would carry on as your doing and set a boundary.

Was this bike a bicycle too?

It's an awful position to be in. Either cave in to their requests and constantly be filled with dread every time the phone rings and you know it's them or refuse and have them in your bad books.

There is the poor and classy and the poor and classless.

Personally I would have started to cast myself adrift from the individual this thread is about. He seems like a chancer who wants to take advantage of people's good nature.

I tend to avoid people who ask me for money

sounds like he is guilt tripping you, and maybe is upset he didnt get the sweet bike and dishing out revenge by trying to force a loan anyway. arrange a meeting and hand him a lump of coal

If you're uncomfortable loaning that amount of money to that friend for any reason then just tell him it's not within your budget, means, or comfort level to loan out that sort of money so he'll have to seek it elsewhere if he needs to borrow money. He can put it on a credit card or line or credit, or borrow it from a family member if he has no credit and can't borrow it from a bank.


I've loaned money to friends, and currently have a few small loans out. I usually get repaid but overall I've been burned for a couple grand over the years. I've learned to be more careful with how much I might lend to who for how long etc, and if they've been unreliable in repaying and ask to borrow more or a larger amount, to say no I'm not comfortable doing that as you don't have a good track record with repayment - and then sticking to my guns and not extending them a loan. Live and learn, do better, be more assertive about it and stand firm. It's your money and their problems aren't your problems.

Okay thank you for the input.

I don't think he say the sleep apnea thing coming if that makes a difference. He has out in a lot of weight lately for some reason so I am still concerned for his health nonetheless. I have known him for almost ten years.

Ten years??!

Oh that's a difficult one. I dunno if the others who posted here will change their minds after finding that out.

Why does he have no money or access to money? Gotta wonder if he's credit worthy.. and if not why not. Sometimes there are good reasons no bank will loan people money and you shouldn't either.

That said, I've loaned ppl money that can't borrow it elsewhere/would have to pay exorbitant fees. But I think the most has been $1k and that's just recently. The guy works and all, but the weather really hurt his hours at his landscaping job in recent months and rent is super expensive here so he fell behind a bit. Life happens. I gave him the loan and he will repay me.

Is there a maximum amount you've loaned him in the past that you're comfortable with? Can he borrow the rest from somewhere else? Maybe there's a compromise to help a friend that you're comfortable with. If so, maybe you tell him you're not comfortable loaning anyone more than $x but you'd loan him $x towards his purchase but he'll have to raise the rest of the money from some other source as you simply don't want to the anxiety/stress of putting $2000 out to anyone.

A person who loans money to a friend should never expect to see either one again.

Don't LEND money. If you can't afford to give it away, Don't.

(unless your friend needs something fancy in the way of apnea machines, he could afford both a bike and the machine with the amount he's asking for)

Well it seems that sleep apnea machines are cheaper online, but maybe he is saying that if he wants insurance to reemburse him later, he has to buy a specific, more costly one particular, in order to get that reimbursement?

Assuming that he never paid back and you lost the 2000, could you afford that or would it bring you trouble? If you couldn't afford losing 2000, then absolutely do not give him a loan, at least not that much. But if you can afford it... well, you did say that he's always paid you back so far and that you've known him for ten years, so he might be trustworthy. Still, I think that if you want to protect both your friendship and your money, you should do as the others have suggested and tell him that you aren't comfortable with borrowing such a huge sum, but could borrow him sum X if he got the rest of the money from elsewhere.

In my experience there are so people who are always broke.
Doesn't matter how much they earn, they're just constantly skint and whinging about money.

I agree with Cyberdad, I really try to avoid loaning people money.
Yeah over the years I've lost a couple of grand to "friends" "borrowing" money from me.
Seems they have a very poor memory when it comes to paying it back.

Last edited by Eurythmic on 26 Jun 2022, 1:07 am, edited 1 time in total.