striving59 wrote:
Yup, forty years ago i went out on a limb self employed, no network, no parents or mentor, little capital, nothing but my skill and drive.
My heart bleeds for anyone like me, thats why three plus decades of marriage no kids thro choice.
Eight years among other people from sixteen and it steadily got worse, just as school had done, i think what fckd me up was being treat as a kid 'off the street' to be broken in when my dads facilities at home was the equal of anything done in that factory. i was never able to stand up for myself. i see now the class and cultural difference was unbridgeable. Maybe a few 'fck offs' would have served well ..... but it was not my style, too polite, too well brought up, crazy mother, withdrawn reticent father.
I just cannot function among people. my being among them is like beams of light boring deep into me, painful, awkward, hell.
Yet in some ways i've thrived to spite the s**ts; their memory is my drive.
Luckily i love books, ideas, mans achievements, nature, landscape etc ... but these last few years i've ended up as a hamster in a cage, with chronic indecision, ADHD, fatigue etc, luckily routines and scribbling notes on the edges of my kitchen chopping board helps me. Too often i merely observe my garden from the window.
All true folks, i hope this helps someone at least ....
I tried to be nice to people, I tried telling I'm autistic, I tried hiding it, I tried... As Roy said in The IT crowd "People, what a bunch of bastards!". I hate working with anyone, I really do. I've come to the conclusion that either they find in your autism an opportunity to take som advantage of you or as something to throw at your face if you are at no use to them. I found very little people actually try to be nice and constructive.
As a result I don't try anymore, I just don't. I do me, sarcastic short unfiltered answers, never lie (even when you know it hurts them), turn down anything I don't like, give no concessions. Socially I'm at my best now. The few who stay understand that's how I am, those who don't can f*** off. I'm very lucky I have some very very VERY nice people around me who accepted me for me, but yeah, never working for random people again, never doing any favours, not even masking.
I know, it is a burden to function in this so-called "accepting" society of today, it sucks. Some may have little to no alternative but to cope. I'm trying hard to avoid finding myself in such situation, it's a never ending fight.
All I can say is keep fighting
(and be yourself, don't mask and be as rude to the as*holes as you like).
20 Jun 2022, 4:43 pm
(Sarcasm)
