Today wasn't a great one for me. I saw an email from my boss who was angry that no one had responded to an email and called it "unacceptable". Despite this not applying to me as IT made a mistake and so I couldn't have seen the email, I burst into tears which my boss saw which was embarrassing.
Then later at work I spoke to a service user at the mental health centre I work at. He was lovely as always. I hung up after saying goodbye then two minutes later he called back and started yelling at me down the phone, saying that I said things to him that I did NOT say (they were mentioned as specific triggers on his file so I avoided them) and said that he was going to get a knife and essentially threatened to kill me. I was so shocked I just sat there holding the phone and crying before my manager took the phone and told him off. Is this something that happens with bipolar? My grandma has it but I haven't dealt with that from her. Then again, every person is different. I'm not the only person this service user has threatened to kill so he is now banned from using the service which honestly makes me sad because now he has less support. It was really scary because he kept calling back. It also hurts because he thinks I purposefully tried to hurt him and I didn't. I don't even know where it came from. Perhaps because he told me some very vulnerable/triggering information it made him snap shortly after? It really hurts even though I know it isn't my fault.
I'm so embarrassed that I cried at work too but I was extra sensitive as I had to deal with some health issues due to my eating disorder today and only now am being referred for help for it IN THREE WEEKS. Who knows how long it will take to come.
My work was nice, they let me leave early and I'm getting paid leave tomorrow. They said I should take some time off on holiday too. I'm really shaken as I found that terrifying. Yes it was a death threat over the phone, but he knows where I work and was talking about visiting before the outburst. Then again, he has never seen me. This has really raised my urge to self harm and binge eat so I'm trying to just distract myself.