Being careful not to piss other people off

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KitLily
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19 Jul 2022, 6:01 am

y-pod wrote:
It seems like people are offended by everything nowadays. I don't know how anyone can keep up with all.


I've been trying hard not to get offended. I think the problem is that when person A says 'I do this', person B thinks it means they are judging them because they don't do that. I'm going to try not thinking like that. Person A is just stating what they do, not judging me.

It's impossible for me not to say anything that offends people now days so I'm going to leave it to them to learn not to be offended. Obviously I don't mean to offend people, so they need to calm down.


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19 Jul 2022, 6:54 pm

I feel as though I'm walking around on eggshells trying not to piss certain people off. I have to deal with people who think that they're always right.


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19 Jul 2022, 8:38 pm

It's not the pissing people off intentionally or unintentionally I'm annoyed about.

It's about the having to be "careful" part -- being careful for what and why? :roll:
I cannot treat life as if everything is made of cardboard paper, more so if I cannot afford to. Emotions included.


The only reason I'm ever careful was for someone else's sake.
And I already hate it. It's already tiring.

I'll plan dropping the whole thing at 30 if I cannot progress from where I'm for the last 7+ years.
So 3 years of 'caring' remaining -- if it did me nothing but hold me back...


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KitLily
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20 Jul 2022, 4:24 am

Edna3362 wrote:
It's not the pissing people off intentionally or unintentionally I'm annoyed about.

It's about the having to be "careful" part -- being careful for what and why? :roll:
I cannot treat life as if everything is made of cardboard paper, more so if I cannot afford to. Emotions included.


I agree. I find I'm second guessing myself all the time and it's exhausting. If I say A, it offends them. If I say B, it offends them. People are looking to be offended.

A friend of mine said to her work colleague, 'you look nice today, Jane.'
Jane said, 'oh do you mean I don't look nice every other day?'

What are you supposed to reply to that? :roll:


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auntblabby
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20 Jul 2022, 5:06 am

you say "of course you look nice every day!"



skibum
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20 Jul 2022, 5:41 am

KitLily wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
It's not the pissing people off intentionally or unintentionally I'm annoyed about.

It's about the having to be "careful" part -- being careful for what and why? :roll:
I cannot treat life as if everything is made of cardboard paper, more so if I cannot afford to. Emotions included.


I agree. I find I'm second guessing myself all the time and it's exhausting. If I say A, it offends them. If I say B, it offends them. People are looking to be offended.

A friend of mine said to her work colleague, 'you look nice today, Jane.'
Jane said, 'oh do you mean I don't look nice every other day?'

What are you supposed to reply to that? :roll:
It pisses me off when people do that. I told a lady that I knew that I liked her haircut and instead of just saying thank you, she said, "So, you didn't like my hair before?" I just rolled my eyes. The other friend who was with us tried to explain to her that because I am Autistic I did not understand that she was joking. Whether I understood that she was joking or not is irrelevant. That kind of remark is incredibly rude, manipulative, and extremely self centered. And even if it was some kind of stupid joke, it wasn't funny. I didn't think she deserved the answer I had thought up in my mind. I decided to never compliment her again.


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Last edited by skibum on 20 Jul 2022, 5:49 am, edited 3 times in total.

skibum
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20 Jul 2022, 5:42 am

auntblabby wrote:
you say "of course you look nice every day!"
I would have told her that she looked like a baboon's butt every day.


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KitLily
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20 Jul 2022, 9:10 am

auntblabby wrote:
you say "of course you look nice every day!"


Then you'll end up having to compliment Jane's looks each day. Actually, that is probably what Jane wanted isn't it! More flattery. Aha. We've cracked it.


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KitLily
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20 Jul 2022, 9:14 am

skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
A friend of mine said to her work colleague, 'you look nice today, Jane.'
Jane said, 'oh do you mean I don't look nice every other day?'

What are you supposed to reply to that? :roll:


It pisses me off when people do that. I told a lady that I knew that I liked her haircut and instead of just saying thank you, she said, "So, you didn't like my hair before?" I just rolled my eyes. The other friend who was with us tried to explain to her that because I am Autistic I did not understand that she was joking. Whether I understood that she was joking or not is irrelevant. That kind of remark is incredibly rude, manipulative, and extremely self centered. And even if it was some kind of stupid joke, it wasn't funny. I didn't think she deserved the answer I had thought up in my mind. I decided to never compliment her again.


I don't think she was joking in fact. Just fishing for compliments. A lot of people do that. Mainly women.

I had the same situation. I said how nice a casual friend looked in her leather jacket. She snapped 'what do you mean? This is my husband's old jacket, what are you saying about me?'

I meant that the warm chestnut brown complemented her chestnut hair, and the lovely soft leather had a nice texture. But I was so surprised at her anger than I just stared at her. I felt like saying, 'erm...I'm complimenting you? I'm being nice to you?' but I thought that would make it worse.

So guess what, I never complimented her again! Silly woman.


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KitLily
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20 Jul 2022, 9:15 am

skibum wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
you say "of course you look nice every day!"
I would have told her that she looked like a baboon's butt every day.


I was tempted for sure :lol: :lol: :lol:


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skibum
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20 Jul 2022, 12:01 pm

KitLily wrote:
skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
A friend of mine said to her work colleague, 'you look nice today, Jane.'
Jane said, 'oh do you mean I don't look nice every other day?'

What are you supposed to reply to that? :roll:


It pisses me off when people do that. I told a lady that I knew that I liked her haircut and instead of just saying thank you, she said, "So, you didn't like my hair before?" I just rolled my eyes. The other friend who was with us tried to explain to her that because I am Autistic I did not understand that she was joking. Whether I understood that she was joking or not is irrelevant. That kind of remark is incredibly rude, manipulative, and extremely self centered. And even if it was some kind of stupid joke, it wasn't funny. I didn't think she deserved the answer I had thought up in my mind. I decided to never compliment her again.


I don't think she was joking in fact. Just fishing for compliments. A lot of people do that. Mainly women.

I had the same situation. I said how nice a casual friend looked in her leather jacket. She snapped 'what do you mean? This is my husband's old jacket, what are you saying about me?'

I meant that the warm chestnut brown complemented her chestnut hair, and the lovely soft leather had a nice texture. But I was so surprised at her anger than I just stared at her. I felt like saying, 'erm...I'm complimenting you? I'm being nice to you?' but I thought that would make it worse.

So guess what, I never complimented her again! Silly woman.
I think you are right. This fishing for compliments business is actually extremely manipulative.


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KitLily
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21 Jul 2022, 5:47 am

skibum wrote:
KitLily wrote:
I don't think she was joking in fact. Just fishing for compliments. A lot of people do that. Mainly women.

I had the same situation. I said how nice a casual friend looked in her leather jacket. She snapped 'what do you mean? This is my husband's old jacket, what are you saying about me?'

I meant that the warm chestnut brown complemented her chestnut hair, and the lovely soft leather had a nice texture. But I was so surprised at her anger than I just stared at her. I felt like saying, 'erm...I'm complimenting you? I'm being nice to you?' but I thought that would make it worse.

So guess what, I never complimented her again! Silly woman.


I think you are right. This fishing for compliments business is actually extremely manipulative.


Yes, it is. I wonder if people are getting more manipulative these days due to all the envy caused by social media.


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21 Jul 2022, 7:22 am

I think it's important not to get too paranoid about annoying others. Everybody does it. Maybe it's better to recognise that they got annoyed, and to become good at resolving the problem after it's happened, and good at deciding whether it's better to try to resolve it or just let them stew.

There are degrees of annoyance. Some of them just blow over by themselves, others are a serious turning point in a friendship.



KitLily
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21 Jul 2022, 7:55 am

I usually let people stew. I tried my very best not to offend them, I can't bend over backwards 24/7 to fit in with them.

Like the woman with the leather jacket. I barely spoke to her again as she was always offended with me. I give up with some people.


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Last edited by KitLily on 21 Jul 2022, 10:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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21 Jul 2022, 7:56 am

There are people who like to find "offense" with anything....

I agree that's a ridiculous response: "Don't I look good every day?" to somebody saying "You look nice today."

There's really too much of a "culture of offense" these days.



KitLily
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21 Jul 2022, 10:06 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
There are people who like to find "offense" with anything....

I agree that's a ridiculous response: "Don't I look good every day?" to somebody saying "You look nice today."

There's really too much of a "culture of offense" these days.


There is. The response to a compliment should be, 'thank you.' Not fake offence or fishing for compliments. :roll:

I think the problem is, everyone is looking for ulterior motives and double meanings in everything now due to being afraid of being scammed or fooled.


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