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wvwaxhtp
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03 Aug 2022, 3:41 pm

i haven't seen (or spoken to) my classmates, that i at least exchange a few words with every day, since summer break started about a month ago. today i saw an instagram post from one of them and found out they went on a huge, week long camping trip to a country neighboring mine. i wasn't aware of this. nobody texted me, asked me to come or anything related to that. they seemed to be having so much fun. i feel excluded and betrayed. however i don't know if i'm justified in feeling that way. am i overreacting? i got very lonely during summer break and this just broke me. maybe they didn't text me because i haven't texted them either, but they should have known that. i text very rarely because i dislike that form of communication, it's nothing unusual from me. should i talk to them about it or let it go?



Joe90
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03 Aug 2022, 4:22 pm

You're human, it's normal and OK to feel how you're feeling when left out of a group activity with your friends, even for NTs. It's not very nice. I'm sorry this happened to you. :(

I've faced the same problem before, where the people I thought were my friends made exciting plans right in front of me and didn't even think to include me even though I hinted that I like the sort of thing they were doing. They didn't even consider my feelings and it sounded like they had such fun.
It was about 4 years ago but it still hurts to this day. I don't really see them much any more now and they don't see each other either as last I heard they all fell out.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Aug 2022, 4:32 pm

I certainly wasn't invited anywhere after my graduation. Nobody really gave a crap about me, really.

I just moved on with my life.

It's okay to have feelings about you being excluded, though. But I would try not to let it affect my future.



AnonymousAnonymous
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03 Aug 2022, 4:59 pm

Like Sir Kraftie Kortie, the majority of my high school peers moved on with their lives after graduation.
I wasn't a hipster-wannabe, a punk-rocker type, nor a self-righteous idiot. :roll:

In fact, during my senior year, I behaved more like a freshman than a senior. :oops:

During the early days of my college years (I'm now 32 and still have yet to obtain my Bachelor's Degree in English), I was just as desperate to make friends as I did when I was in high school, but over the course of that time period I accepted the fact that being friends with people one may never see again after about three months was normal and that if I wanted to make "real friends", join a student group of people who share similar interests.

At my current school (I transferred to PSU from PCC in 2014 without obtaining an Associate's Degree :lol: ), I often hang out at a place called La Casa Latina, in which students can interact with each other or do activities without any trouble. I go there usually to work on papers, but if it's too busy, I go to either the Multicultural Resource Center (the "main one") or the one next door called The Pacific Islander Asian-American Resource Center.

All "cultural spaces" are open & welcoming which is a good thing. :)

As for you OP, it is indeed normal to have such feelings.
Don't let such feelings control you.


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03 Aug 2022, 6:24 pm

If you haven't reached out and contacted them, how would they know you wanted to go? They might be thinking that you didn't actually want to be friends because you haven't contacted them.

Find some way you're comfortable contacting people and staying in touch. It doesn't have to be texting. I call some people, keep in touch with others via social media/discord, and even send paper letters to a couple of people! But if you don't reach out, they probably won't, either.

I was never anyone's best friend in my school days... But you can improve your chances. Good luck.



KitLily
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05 Aug 2022, 9:12 am

Oh gosh this has happened to me so often! People making plans right in front of me and not asking me along or even thinking to do so.

When I was at school, a group of 'friends who weren't really friends' even said 'don't tell her, don't tell her' right in front of me. Did they think I was deaf and blind? I didn't stick with them for long!

I decided to say 'oh that sounds like fun, I'll come too!' next time it happens, and see if they get embarrassed, or agree that I can come along, or what. I've no idea what will happen.

In your case, could you say to them: 'I saw that you went on a camping trip, did you have fun? I'd love to have gone with you, I love camping.'

See what they say. If they say 'oh sorry we didn't think you liked camping' or something like that, you can tell them you do like it.

If they get embarrassed and quickly change the subject, it means they did the trip behind your back and you should try and find more or different friends.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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05 Aug 2022, 6:45 pm

For the second half of my high school years, the majority of classmates pretended to be friends with me when really they were just acting. The school counselor helped me accept the fact that LGBTQ+ people (he was openly gay himself) are no different from straight people & to him I will forever be grateful to. Despite this, the majority of them continued to view me as a "creep", "weirdo", or a "Jesus freak."

Like Sir Kraftie Kortie, nobody really gave a crap about me as well, in fact two teachers
enjoyed making fun of me & other misfits when opportunities came their ways.

As for you OP, what are some subjects that have interested you the most?
Perhaps you can use your interests to befriend people who share the same interests as you.


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KitLily
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06 Aug 2022, 5:42 am

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Despite this, the majority of them continued to view me as a "creep", "weirdo", or a "Jesus freak."


I suppose one good thing about people who call us names is...it's a loud and clear reminder to keep away from them.

I can't understand all the subtle put downs and excluding, I'm forever thinking 'did she just insult me or was she joking or am I being too sensitive?' I'm always confused.


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babybird
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06 Aug 2022, 8:44 am

I've had an experience where people have thought I might be interested to go out with them and tried their best to hide it from me but in reality I've not been in the slightest bit interested.

I think you are justified in feeling a bit put out by this op.

I'd be open about asking them straight up if they had a nice time when they went away. Put them on the spot about it and do it in a nice way that's not defensive or as if you have been in any way upset about it.


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Summer_Twilight
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08 Aug 2022, 1:35 pm

wvwaxhtp wrote:
i haven't seen (or spoken to) my classmates, that i at least exchange a few words with every day, since summer break started about a month ago. today i saw an instagram post from one of them and found out they went on a huge, week long camping trip to a country neighboring mine. i wasn't aware of this. nobody texted me, asked me to come or anything related to that. they seemed to be having so much fun. i feel excluded and betrayed. however i don't know if i'm justified in feeling that way. am i overreacting? i got very lonely during summer break and this just broke me. maybe they didn't text me because i haven't texted them either, but they should have known that. i text very rarely because i dislike that form of communication, it's nothing unusual from me. should i talk to them about it or let it go?


I am so sorry that that they left you out like that as people can be so inconsiderate of other people's feelings. I have found myself in situations like that too.

In high school, I was in special education with three people who were supposed to be my "Friends" but they kept leaving me out. Then afterwards, one of them would brag to me about what they did. They didn't want me around because, the one who rubbed it in my face liked to gossip about everyone, including his girlfriend. Then his girlfriend was also very insecure about other other women.

In adulthood

A. About 11 years ago, a former close friend of mine, turned 30 and had more severe disabilities. Her mom threw her a big surprise party for their friends and family and didn't think to invite myself or my aunt. This was even though we bent over backwards for my friend. We even took her on vacation with us two years in a row. Believe me, it felt like a slap in the face.

B. Last year, a "Friend" of another close friend and I, invited both of us to celebrate his birthday before cancelling the event on FB. Then a week and a half later he told me over the phone that he decided to have a smaller event with 10 people because he didn't want the event to too overwhelming. However, he didn't bother to re-invite either one of us. Though he said he was sorry, it's clear that neither one of us were at the top of his list.

C. Then a few years ago, I carpooled with that autistic woman and her mom around the holidays. Though they knew that I didn't have anywhere to go they kept bragging right in front of me about having this great big Christmas brunch with their family and how they were going to have so much fun.



KitLily
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08 Aug 2022, 2:23 pm

The thoughtlessness and possible selfishness of people! And sheer bad manners of bragging about their fun times and events right in front of others. Honestly! :roll:

You made me realise that a friend of mine does that. She goes on about her holidays with her group of friends, her different groups of friends in different social worlds of hers. She doesn't ask about my friends or my holidays with my family or even ask about anything I do. I mean that, it's not as if I do anything social but you'd think she'd ask.


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08 Aug 2022, 2:27 pm

Is this the same woman who bailed on you twice? If so, then it sounds like that friendship is one-sided and she also sounds like she's self-absorbed. That's someone who lives in her own little world.

However, I really do think it's okay for you to let her know how you feel without confronting her.

"Girlfriend, I am really sad I would have liked to have developed a friendship with you. While I understand that you have a busy life with lots of friends, I really feel like I am at the bottom of your list."



KitLily
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08 Aug 2022, 2:47 pm

Yes this is the same woman. Thanks.

I don't want to make this thread about me though (more than I have already!) so I won't say any more :flower:


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Summer_Twilight
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08 Aug 2022, 3:16 pm

Kitlily:

Same here. However, it breaks my heart when people act like you are there and then you aren't and to make it worse, they don't realize they hurt your feelings and nor do they care.

I went to a synagogue with a whole group of people who were extremely cliquish and they constantly made plans in front of me or talked about their plans but never invited me. I event attempted to call them out on it and they blamed me. "I'm sorry you feel that way." I was very angry about it too.



DanielW
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08 Aug 2022, 3:21 pm

Its happened to me many times. I finally asked (because I didn't think I had anything to lose at that point) If it was because they thought I wouldn't want to join in or they just didn't want me around. The answer I got was "Both". I'm glad I got the explanation, but it still bothered me.



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08 Aug 2022, 3:42 pm

Back when I was a kid, I lived in a neighborhood and played with the other kids. On several occasions, I was left out of their birthday parties.

When I was 9, one of the little girls told me that she didn't want me at her birthday while her mom apologetically said, "Oh my goodness, we forgot to invite you to our birthday."

Then the year later, she excluded me again, I confronted her mom and this time it was, "I didn't know you wanted to come." BS.

Then another friend bragged to me the day after her birthday that she had a party. When I asked if she forgot to invite me, her excuse was "I could only invite 3 guests." It's because funny because the week before that she was really defensive and rude me. So I think that means that she was probably feeling guilty for leaving me out.

When I was younger, I would get invited to my cousin's birthday parties because we grew up together and were very close. Then one holiday weeked, my cousin sat with me during dinner and said, "I was going to invite you to my birthday party but my mom would only let me invite 4 people as it was at our local amusement park." :roll: