Why Shouldn't I Just Kill Myself?

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The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Aug 2022, 9:23 pm

This unrelenting depression and despair I'm experiencing over not being able to have a romantic partner is ruining my life and mental health. I've been interested in having a romantic partner since I hit puberty at age 12, and I'm going to be 26 on Sunday. That's 14 years I've been dealing with this, and my mental health is only getting worse and worse over it.

It seems like there's no solution. No steps to follow. Nothing. It either happens or it doesn't, and if it doesn't, well f*** me I guess. I have few avenues through which to meet people, and even if I did have avenues, it seems like no one's ever romantically interested in me anyway.

I'm tired of feeling like a reject, tired of feeling helpless, tired of being told to cope, to change who I am, to focus on other things by people who obviously can't understand the magnitude of my pain.

Why should I continue to put up with this? How else do I stop myself from having to deal with these feelings other than ending my life? At what point is enough finally enough?

I'm not interested in living the life of a man who's never had a girlfriend and can never get one. Why shouldn't I just end it?



Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 9:29 pm

Do you see a therapist or take anything for depression? If not, I would consider it if I were you.

There’s always hope. Maybe a special someone is just around the corner.

Relationships don’t just happen. You need to find opportunities to meet new people. There is a caveat. When people get into relationships, they quickly realize that it actually doesn’t fix everything. They may still be depressed. It’s important to work on that right now. It would be good for you and could even help you find someone.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Aug 2022, 9:39 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Do you see a therapist or take anything for depression? If not, I would consider it if I were you.

Yes, and yes.

Twilightprincess wrote:
There’s always hope. Maybe a special someone is just around the corner.

It's not impossible, but I wouldn't run those odds.

Twilightprincess wrote:
Relationships don’t just happen. You need to find opportunities to meet new people.

I've tried. I just don't know what else to do.

Twilightprincess wrote:
There is a caveat. When people get into relationships, they quickly realize that it actually doesn’t fix everything. They may still be depressed. It’s important to work on that right now. It would be good for you and could even help you find someone.

Most of my depression stems in one way or another from my romantic predicament. I don't expect my life to suddenly become perfect, but finally getting into a good relationship would both relieve me of a heavy burden and enhance my quality of life.



Twilightprincess
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08 Aug 2022, 9:40 pm

It's by no means hopeless. You just need to keep on trying and exploring other avenues.

The odds are in your favor. Most people do end up finding someone. It can take awhile sometimes, though.


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kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2022, 10:58 pm

I think you should go to University.

Try to take courses again. Forget about the pursuit of women. You might meet someone there.

Women don’t lose their charm after the age of 30.



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08 Aug 2022, 11:09 pm

It's all about being in the right place at the right time. I don't know. I suppose it's easy for me to say because I'm a woman and for some reason it seems easier for a lot of women on the spectrum to find a partner. It must be really frustrating for guys on the spectrum.

I understand how you're feeling and I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better for you.


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08 Aug 2022, 11:14 pm

Hmm, regarding suicide itself, most people who are drawn to it don't want to die, they just want the pain to stop, and most who unsuccessfully attempt it immediately regret it and are thankful they lived. Personally, when I feel particularly hopeless I rely on procrastination and an "end of life" checklist of things I'd need to do to get my affairs in order to slow myself down, that has a way of snapping me out of the downward spiral. I should add that ending my own life is something I could easily do on a whim, so I have a more developed system than most for dealing with it in light of my lifelong depression and anxiety.

As to the problem of not being able to find a partner, what do you think is holding you back? I can only speak to my own experience as a middle aged man in the US, but I've had good luck over the years with online dating, but it's not effortless, good photos, a decent intro with proper punctuation and spelling, and a commitment to spending a few minutes every day swiping and sending messages, as well as responding in a timely manner to any responses you receive are required.


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09 Aug 2022, 12:15 am

When you get to the end of your rope, hang in there.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Aug 2022, 1:25 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
It's by no means hopeless. You just need to keep on trying and exploring other avenues.

The odds are in your favor. Most people do end up finding someone. It can take awhile sometimes, though.

I wish I knew what other avenues to explore.

Most people have also had relationship experience by my age. I defied the odds there despite an extreme aversion to doing so. It's hard for me to fathom why things would change now.

I get the feeling most people wouldn't consider dating somebody whose brutal lack of dating success has pushed them to the brink of considering suicide.



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09 Aug 2022, 1:31 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think you should go to University.

Try to take courses again. Forget about the pursuit of women. You might meet someone there.

Women don’t lose their charm after the age of 30.

I don't think university is in the cards for me. I want to see if I can make a living off of trivia hosting.



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09 Aug 2022, 1:31 am

Joe90 wrote:
It's all about being in the right place at the right time. I don't know. I suppose it's easy for me to say because I'm a woman and for some reason it seems easier for a lot of women on the spectrum to find a partner. It must be really frustrating for guys on the spectrum.

I understand how you're feeling and I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better for you.

Thanks for your post and well-wishes.



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09 Aug 2022, 1:45 am

Dox47 wrote:
Hmm, regarding suicide itself, most people who are drawn to it don't want to die, they just want the pain to stop, and most who unsuccessfully attempt it immediately regret it and are thankful they lived. Personally, when I feel particularly hopeless I rely on procrastination and an "end of life" checklist of things I'd need to do to get my affairs in order to slow myself down, that has a way of snapping me out of the downward spiral. I should add that ending my own life is something I could easily do on a whim, so I have a more developed system than most for dealing with it in light of my lifelong depression and anxiety.

I'm at a pretty low risk for actually ending my life right now. I don't know how I'd go about doing it, and I'd need a plan that I was confident wouldn't fail and leave me worse off.
Dox47 wrote:
As to the problem of not being able to find a partner, what do you think is holding you back? I can only speak to my own experience as a middle aged man in the US, but I've had good luck over the years with online dating, but it's not effortless, good photos, a decent intro with proper punctuation and spelling, and a commitment to spending a few minutes every day swiping and sending messages, as well as responding in a timely manner to any responses you receive are required.

I had terrible luck with online dating. Not getting matches just made me feel worse about myself back when I tried it, and I'd have absolutely no good photos to use now.

I think a lot of my problems are autism-related. I'm not naturally very outgoing, and I'm probably below average in appearance. I don't have an easy time making friends either, but I'm not as worried about that. It's also really hard to find places to meet women my age.



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09 Aug 2022, 1:48 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
When you get to the end of your rope, hang in there.

I appreciate your support, but I'd suggest that talking about ropes and hanging with somebody who's professing suicidal ideation probably isn't the best idea.



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09 Aug 2022, 2:04 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not interested in living the life of a man who's never had a girlfriend and can never get one. Why shouldn't I just end it?


Dude! please stop posting here and go here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

It's a free service and they have qualified people who can speak to you right now



klanka
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09 Aug 2022, 2:21 am

Yes online dating is terrible. Sorry about what you're going through



The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Aug 2022, 2:59 am

cyberdad wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not interested in living the life of a man who's never had a girlfriend and can never get one. Why shouldn't I just end it?


Dude! please stop posting here and go here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

It's a free service and they have qualified people who can speak to you right now

Funny you mention beyondblue.


I called them 2 weeks ago to talk about the issues I've mentioned here, and while the lady on the phone tried to be empathetic, she basically said they couldn't help me.

"I don't know how to respond to that."

"I'm not a miracle worker."
.
"This service provides brief counselling and referrals."

This was the same day that my psychologist tried to steer me away from the topic of dating to talk about other things that aren't related to my depression.