I wish I was more outspoken

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I feel that the reason I don't have many friends is because I'm not the sort to always be texting and encouraging to meet up. I'm not saying I don't ever do that, as I have arranged with friends to meet up before, but it's just very few and far between and I haven't met up with any friends for a while (since the lockdown) so I haven't really asked.

I wish I was more like my cousin. She's got learning difficulties and displays some social awkwardness (I think she may have Aspie traits that she seems blissfully unaware of) but she still seems to have more friends than me even though she abandoned them for 10 years when she put a boyfriend she used to have before them and isolated herself from all her friends.
But because she's always pushing, like texting regularly and keeping up with their statuses and repetitively saying things like "if you're down this way come and meet me in the pub for a drink" and "let me know when you're free so we can meet up", and always commenting on people's statuses on Facebook with a "we should meet up sometime ", I guess that attracts people. I envy her for her confidence really. I tend to tone down all that because of fear of rejection or frightening them off or something. But my cousin doesn't have boundaries, to her everybody's a potential friend and she doesn't stop texting and Facebooking people. If they do reject her she probably wouldn't really notice and would just jump to the next friend.

I wish I was like that. I wish I was ignorant to my actions and other people's reactions. Some social boundaries my cousin is actually ignorant to, while I'm too in touch with social boundaries and tend to overthink them and shy away.

My cousin is so lucky. I feel like a social failure.

Outspoken = frank in stating one's opinions, especially if they are shocking or controversial.

I don't think you meant that, unless I'm mistaken.

I meant socially outspoken, as in not afraid of social rejection, shying away, that sort of thing. More outgoing then. Stick with the thread topic, as I'm feeling like the world has kicked me in the stomach right now (a wave of depression and self-pity triggered by comparing my social life to my cousin's).

I think it's that you have too many inhibitions.

Maybe it's something to speak to your therapist about.

That's probably the answer that I need to accept.



We're working on my anxieties when in public at the moment. I think I will get good results out of that. He came up with some excellent answers that nobody has said before. I'm hoping it will change my self-image when out in public instead of feeling that everybody is staring at me and judging.

But the self-consciousness social anxiety is a bit different to the fear of rejection social anxiety, so it will probably cover a different section in therapy.

Sometimes I just feel that if I did commit suicide, that I might be reincarnated into a foetus that is born a neurotypical (into a decent functioning family of course) who is respected and popular and are just liked by other neurotypicals without having to do much. Just to see what it's like.

Getting help from your therapist is a much better choice

Is that dark humour or a genuine plea for help?

I laughed at it thinking it was dark humour. I have a few friends who seem to want to hang out but noone takes the initiative and we dont have shared interests. I was thinking of maybe doing what you're saying but not on facebook where you can be publicly rejected. Just text up a storm and see what happens.

Honestly.....I wouldn't want to live in a world where all people care about are how their house is decorated.....

Neither really. It was just a way of expressing how badly I want to be neurotypical.

Ironically, this is one of those areas where one hang-up can impact another. This is one of the reasons people drink socially, although if that's not an option simply adopting the mindset of 'whatever, they've dropped inhibitions, I can too, even without drinking because that's what everyone will chalk it up to' might be handy.

At least in situations where that's appropriate.

One other thing to remember is that more social people get rejected more than people who are afraid of rejection, they just keep the overall rate of interactions so high they don't have time to focus on rejections.

Of course, that's not always an option for people because we don't all have the social energy to maintain a high rate of interactions.

I know how you feel, I've had thoughts along those lines

I used to be more like what my cousin is, when I was in my early 20s, but I got the message that I just annoyed them and they hinted it by saying things like "I'm busy that day, sorry" (although it sounds genuine, I could tell they just didn't want to meet up). So I learnt to back off a bit but that didn't do me any favours either. Now the only friends I have are guys at work.

Yes I know people move on, but not in my cousin's case. She abandoned all her friends for some bloke, they all moved away and got married and had kids, but they've still regained contact with my cousin after all this time. Me, my friends from high school have long forgotten about me and don't even want to add me on Facebook or the ones I did have unfriended me for no reason.

I'm just not meant to have friends I don't think. What does my immature, socially awkward cousin have that I don't?

Anybody know if I can have a slight brain alteration to make me neurotypical? Like fold over the frontal lobes that dictates the social skills so that my making-and-keeping-friends skills will be better? I can't live this isolated sh***y autism s**t any more.

I don't feel autistic...until I go on Facebook and find everyone having fun with all their friends. Makes me resentful.

f**k autism. f*****g sh***y disease.

Why me? Why are all my cousins f*****g neurotypicals with loads of friends and the right big juicy intelligent brains with an encyclopedia of social skills and I have to be the f*****g dumb problematic autistic one in the family who doesn't know s**t that should be so f*****g easy for a human.

I wish I could pull a gun to my head. My cousins won't give a f**k, they have all their precious friends and besties that love them because they have the magic power called social skills.

When I die (which will hopefully be soon) I want this c**t of a brain ripped from my skull and burnt. f*****g f****d up autistic freaky horrible brain.

f**k my life.

Honestly, it's not worth getting all angry.

You don't have any major illnesses. You have a home and a person whom you love.

I can't stop you, of course.

I hope your therapy benefits you, and makes you realize you're at least as decent and viable a person as someone who gets drunk in a pub every weekend.