My experience as a Christian

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How do I say this??I'm a hardcore believer. Grew up in church, however I have to go mainly by faith and not by emotional connection. I guesd thats good in some ways i font depend on feeling. For years and years I spent hours trying to feel something. I felt guilty because its just not natural for me to emote at church. I feel God move and I love Him very much. But I can't understand how people can attach and emote. Especially say God is their Father, I have no understanding of that.I do express my praise and worship and mean it, but I literally cannot seem to "get it"

I feel the same. I thought God was saying that he made me that way and I should just respect that.
If I feel nothing then don't force anything, if I don't feel like singing then don't etc.

I'm too sensitive to go by just faith alone, but I try my best. Good for you for having such inner mental and spiritual strength.

I've felt like my life resembled verses in Deuteronomy 28 which talk about curses brought by God.
After becoming Christian it got worse, then I accepted grace instead of works. This took me back to the level of cursedness I was at before becoming a Christian.

Now I'm working on trying to accept the blessings mentioned that are due to us through Christ. I've been told to repeat certain positive phrases found in the bible and trying to develop more of a prayer life.
I wasn't praying hardly cos I thought that was religious works

That's my experience of being a Christian anyway.

Remember, it's about God saving you. If you want to respond to God's love, then love your fellow humans by living your faith rather than worrying about being able to feel anything.

Yeah, that ^, bit of that, little of ^ and my own twist.

I never had any problem thinking of God as a father figure... or of me being judgemental in lots of ways.

still struggle with that, tbh.

After my ASD diagnosis, I began questioning my binary nature of gender, and I'm now non-binary, Autigender will do for now.

I have had lots of friends of differing predilections, and try to be antidiscriminatory, and get annoyed by so called Xn people who rant about genderbending agenda etc.

God created intersex people, and in fact it's an open secret that it's likely he created way more than we know about, and parents and Doctors made decisions when people were born and surgeries were performed to 'correct' dual genders. It's also known that these people are more likely to not be comfortable in the binary gender imposed on them after birth.

Did God make mistakes? Or are they being punished for their ancestor's sin? No, not in my book.

So I no longer exclusively gender God male in my thoughts and prayers. I switch it up, or use neutral terms.

Probably on average comes out male more often, but hey, I'm sure He/She/They/Ze will let me know in good time if they're displeased.

Regardless of your opinion of the notion that all Christians are equal in the eyes of God,
God created a sense of individuality, meaning that if fellow believers see you as nothing more
than a threat to their faith in The Lord, then IMO, look for other Christian churches who may
be truly welcoming to you.

I'm Catholic, always will be, but many people from my childhood church (which I left five years ago)
saw me and my family as threats to the parish's well-being. The priest wasn't much of a help and for
most of 2013, my NT sister was sick and when word got out at the parish, many turned against us with a
consensus being: "Oh...she brought it on herself just because she hasn't found herself a man to be with."

She made a full recovery, but watches Mass through an online Catholic streaming network.

The following year, our mom became sick too. When word got out, such mockery and intimidation became worse.
The consensus changed to: "Those three need to be kicked out because they don't behave like many of us do, with one example behaving as if we are famous and Hollywood A-listers. In fact, we must make sure that they feel as if they are in high school all over again." They enjoyed increasing the ante against us.

Our mom made a full recovery, but keeps to the parish. She has said that she will never switch to the Catholic parish I am a member of because she doesn't know anyone personally.

For the subsequent three years that followed, I became more aware and accepting the fact that God may not have plans for the same people who don't believe in Him. In fact, I started writing letters to a Catholic media outlet in which many got published. Also, I became less tolerant of the snooty ways fellow parishioners acted towards me and my family.

In the latter part of 2017, I left my childhood parish in favor of attending Mass at a nearby Catholic parish. I have been happy ever since. I also serve as a Lector.

At some point back in the early days of the pandemic, my NT sister and I learned that the priest of our childhood parish went through a medical crisis of his own. When he made a full recovery in the latter part of 2020, we forgave him when we unexpectedly encountered him at a popular grocery store near our house.

^^^