"Stephen Visits the Shoe Shop"

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

steve30
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 347
Location: Rotherham

23 Sep 2022, 12:53 am

I'm not sure what triggered it, but I was just thinking back to an incident that happened about 15 years ago.

My mother and grandparents took me to a large shoe shop one evening at the local retail park. There was some dispute about something (can't remember what), which resulted in a lot of shouting, and my mother threatening violence against me.

I distinctly remember threatening to call the police if she laid a finger on me, which put an end to it. Of course, I was about 16 years old at the time, and this was well into the era of mobile phones and CCTV, so it would have been very easy for someone to ring 999 and any 'incident' would likely have been captured in high quality on the shops CCTV cameras.

I'm not sure what made me think of this right now, but I can't help but wonder, is this a normal way for families to treat each other?



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,203
Location: Cardiff, Wales

23 Sep 2022, 3:25 am

Its not totally unheard of, but i think its probably abnormal



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,187
Location: UK

23 Sep 2022, 7:43 am

When I was an adolescent and misbehaved in public my mum would often say under her breath "when we get home I'm going to beat you!" But she never did. It was just a way to get me to stop, which it usually did.

I suppose it depends on the frequency. If a parent always said that even when the child is being good, then that could be bad parenting. If a parent uses it as a threat when the child deserves it then it's quite normal. Children (even teens) can be exasperating. As a teen with ADHD I was very difficult for my mum. I'd sulk a lot in public, talk to my mum rudely and embarrass myself a little. I would also swear and call her name's and act like a baby (like she had to guide me around even though I was old enough to know where I was going and what I was doing).


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,401

23 Sep 2022, 11:02 am

Joe90 wrote:
When I was an adolescent and misbehaved in public my mum would often say under her breath "when we get home I'm going to beat you!" But she never did. It was just a way to get me to stop, which it usually did.


My mom did the same, except it was dad who was supposedly going to beat me. Not that I recall him, or her, ever doing so.

...Now that I think of it, I can't remember if it got me to stop or not. Guess I should ask.

Good thing this was in the nineties/early zeros 'cause these days it would be illegal here. Just the threats, I mean.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,924
Location: I'm right here

23 Sep 2022, 11:28 am

It's not healthy but it is pretty normal.

My folks never really threatened to hit me, but that's at least partially because it wasn't a deterrent and was sometimes a provocation.


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


temp1234
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Apr 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,444

23 Sep 2022, 12:53 pm

I think child abuse and domestic violence is very normal. However, it usually happens in their privacy, not in public.



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 48,744
Location: UK

23 Sep 2022, 1:23 pm

It never felt normal to me. I wonder if it feels more normal to be abused by blood relatives rather than step parents or foster parents. I never loved the people who abused me so it was easy for me to just walk away. I didn't have to justify it or forgive them or in some twisted way blame it all on myself.

It might be common for a grown adult to verbally threaten a child but imo it's by no means f*****g normal.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 107,987
Location: On a special base where the Christmas soldiers of the world live

23 Sep 2022, 3:59 pm

Sweet Pea hugs

I have flashbacks about stuff like that.


_________________
Oberfeldwebel

Age: 47
Gender: Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/Him/His
IQ: 86 and I use all 86 of them.