Wrong Place at the Wrong Time/Unfairly accused

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Silver_Meteor
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10 Aug 2007, 2:24 am

Do you think people with Aspergers are more vunerable to being a victim of circumstances(i.e. in the wrong place at the wrong time) than NTs? Do you get the impression that NTs in positions of authority will tend to be more suspicious of people with Autism/Aspergers and tend to blame them unfairly more so than fellow NTs?



MrMacPhisto
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10 Aug 2007, 2:27 am

Have you had that as an experience or something. I haven't been in that situation I use to get into that situation then one day I shouted back those people don't blame me anymore.



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10 Aug 2007, 6:40 am

Silver_Meteor wrote:
Do you think people with Aspergers are more vunerable to being a victim of circumstances(i.e. in the wrong place at the wrong time) than NTs? Do you get the impression that NTs in positions of authority will tend to be more suspicious of people with Autism/Aspergers and tend to blame them unfairly more so than fellow NTs?
Yes indeed. We don't always see the cues that trouble is coming and so we are more vulnerable to getting picked out for a reprimand or accusation.


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nellos121
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10 Aug 2007, 6:56 am

Especially if the problem is abitrated by a member of authority and the aspie doesn't show the right respect to that member of authority, and in dealing with the problem shows little empathy. It can far worsen the situation and bias the blame onto the aspie. Not saying the aspie might have not been wrong in the first place, but that the situation can be handled badly when trying to sort it out, especially if the aspie is under great stress and is not being understood. The whole thing can then spiral. A mountain out of a molehill. I've been there.



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10 Aug 2007, 7:03 am

Well... I know that we often stick out. In my old neghboorhood, i enjoyed going for walks in the woods, however the parents around my neghboorhood were on the lookout cause a few kids in our neghboorhood got caught with some pot and i guess went out their to party. Now ill admit in the past I had on occasion gone out their too, everyone in my neghboorhood did. However I was sincerely going for a hike, I had my GPS and bookbag, and other stuff, i was going for a hike in my favorite woods. Well, emerging onto the pavement from a trail in the woods I got a bad look from one of the younger kids mothers and came home to my parents accusing me of going out and getting high. I was just plotting points on my GPS and going for a hike, but because we stick out like a sour thumb, we dont seem to belong their, at least ligitimatly.


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AgusCahyo
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05 Oct 2016, 10:27 pm

People are less sympathetic to me because I think differently and the kind of mistake I make is different.

When facing insurance agent, for example, I can pin point many BS that is mathematical. The agent then uses a different trick. He simply doesn't tell about a huge fee ($5k) of his insurance. He call that all money are invested.

People are not sympathetic to me. They don't see that paying such huge fee, that do not exist when buying insurance and investment separately is stupid. I bought it because I didn't know and expect there is such huge fee. The rest didn't buy because they didn't know the math that it's BS even if they did know.

So basically I am off $5k and people are not sympathetic.

My attitude toward religion is also simple. Just no. No just no. I don't care. Neuro typicals would prefer people that argue "within religion" and see that the other side err because they misinterpret religions. Me? I just stay away from religion and people blame me for that.



bobchaos
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21 Aug 2017, 4:54 pm

it's unfortunate but factual to say that odd people (like ourselves) are often the target of suspicion simply on account of we look out-of-place :/ not much to be done about it but to do your best to blend in and explain your situation when confronted.

Thankfully, most justice systems in America and Europe (and probably elsewhere) have safeguards in place should we get randomly accused of horrible stuff on account of "he looks different, must be a terrorist", but just being accused in the first place can have terrible consequences, both psychologically and socially. Legal troubles are of course the worst-case scenario, but there's all kinds of other accusations that can come at us and we have no safeguards against them :( When I was in highschool people often asked me if I was behind whatever was the latest atrocity on campus because I (apparently) look scary. I've been accused of rape and beating people senseless from behind (neither of which I would do or tolerate others doing, I'm not religious but I do think the Christians got something right with that "do unto others" bit of their dogma (worth noting I will beat a person senseless if he really has it coming badly, but I'll be doing it from up front!))

Mind you, this effect seems to have improved with age for me, I'm assuming a combination of better social adaptation and insertion have contributed to making me look like less of a walking monument to terror itself. I guess my resting facial expression might look less terrifying with some wrinkles and white hair thrown in o.O

A brief parenthesis to Agus on religion (since it came up in my post too): Don't discount the whole thing entirely, most of it may sound crazy (like symbolically cannibalizing a zombie from space every Sunday so you can be forgiven for a woman eating an apple a long time ago o.O ) but if you approach it from a theological and philosophical perspective, you'll find most religions have some wisdom to offer, in one form or another. Don't think of it like a bunch of crazy stories, think of it as the wisdom of the ancients, transmitted through the only mean they had when you consider most of the canonical text of the most important religions were written in an age where writing was a fairly new concept and accessible only to the elites. The ancient civilizations of Earth had a different life, little to no technology and a very different reality, but they were no more or less capable of learning and reasoning than we are, and not all their wisdom got invalidated by time



Last edited by bobchaos on 21 Aug 2017, 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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21 Aug 2017, 5:18 pm

Silver_Meteor wrote:
Do you think people with Aspergers are more vunerable to being a victim of circumstances(i.e. in the wrong place at the wrong time) than NTs? Do you get the impression that NTs in positions of authority will tend to be more suspicious of people with Autism/Aspergers and tend to blame them unfairly more so than fellow NTs?


I have had this happen to me numerous times. I am not sure if this is normal or just me with bad luck and have rolled the dice each time. Few examples were:

At work someone keeps on throwing soap bottles in the recycling bins on each floor and a co worker blamed it on me and got mad at me when I kept "denying" it. He never apologized for his mistake.

I cleaned the restrooms at work and each time customers would come in and use the restrooms because those restrooms are right by the gym so those are the most used and I got the blame for the mess they left and it was normal use of the restroom. that co worker never apologize to me for his mistake for getting mad at me about it and my former boss who also made that same mistake. I hear this is a common janitor problem.

When I was seven, a boy in my class on the field trip decided to throw his sucker wrapper out the window and the classroom aide was then yelling at me about it and the boy in front of me denied it but later confessed he did it. The teacher was like "okay" and didn't apologize to me for not believing me. I hated her and had no respect for her. She has called me a liar before so this wasn't the first time and also accused me of playing in PE when I was trying to tie my shoes and she didn't believe me when I told her. I had troubles tying my shoes then even though i knew how but it was very hard so I mostly wore sandals and the reason why I didn't ask for help was because I was expected to do it myself.

In second grade I was at recess and a basketball landed on top of a boy's back from my class and he turned around and saw me and called me stupid. I told him I didn't do it but he didn't believe me.


In 4th grade I was at track practice and a boy from my class tossed a ball and it landed on the track where the middle school cheerleaders were rehearsing and they were all looking at me and the boy kept shouting sorry but they still thought it was me after the boy was admitting he did it by saying sorry. but that accident sure got them to end their practice early.


On here someone decided to open an account and names it Spokane and they trolled here and the mods and even Alex thought it was me that created that sockpuppet. Plus they used a Pampers avatar and someone else created a sockpuppet and used the same Benny & Joon avatar I had and they also thought it was me and the former mods thought it was me too. So I have been accused of having more accounts than I have had here. Not one of them ever apologized to me for making that mistake thinking those were my accounts. This was back in 2007. But here was a problem, I had moved and I have used four different IP addresses because I used this form at my house and at my parents house and then I used this forum when I was with my ex and then I lived with my aunt and uncle and used this forum there too so that looks bad so they had an excuse to think those trolls were me. Then I moved into my apartment so another new IP address and I have switched servers several times because we would get a new server to save money and stuff or because we cancelled our land line and got a new server.

When I was 18, I was on another forum and one of my former online friends made a rage post and someone who was posting as a guest told him to calm down and that former friend scolded him thinking it was me and addressed them with my name.

When I was 6, we had a boy in my class who was a pathological liar so he got me into trouble several times with his lies but he did it to other kids too in our class. I was relieved when he wasn't in my class again the following year and I unintentionally got him into trouble for something I did when I was seven but I let him take the blame because I didn't want to be in trouble. I felt bad about it for a while and then started to justify it because he was a bad boy who has gotten me into trouble several times with his lies so this was revenge I did even though I didn't plan it to happen but my impulsive behavior is what did it. I got a thought in my head and just did it. I think this was just a Russell problem.

I was once accused of taking a video tape from a second hand store so I got arrested for "shoplifting." Not sure if I didn't anything wrong here to indicate it or if the cops and the store owner were just idiots.


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21 Aug 2017, 5:52 pm

Yes. A couple of years ago at work, I was wrongly accused by the boss, of leaving chemicals lying around in reach of vulnerable people with dementia. It wasn't me at all, because I had just finished my lunch-break and had just come from the safe cupboard to get my needed chemicals that I had carefully put away before my lunch-break. It turned out that someone else had unintentionally left some chemicals out near the area I had been working on, and the boss thought it was me. I was rather stunned when the boss was yelling at me, and it made me feel angry when I told her that it wasn't me who left those chemicals out and she said "yes they are!", in a tone of voice which meant "don't be such a liar!" I walked away and slammed into the staff room, crying my eyes out. I just felt really angry that I was yelled at unexpectedly by my boss, about something I hadn't even done, then not even believing me when I calmly told her it wasn't me. My colleagues said that was unfair of her to speak to me like that, and that she had been in a foul mood all day, and that I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.


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21 Aug 2017, 5:56 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Yes. A couple of years ago at work, I was wrongly accused by the boss, of leaving chemicals lying around in reach of vulnerable people with dementia. It wasn't me at all, because I had just finished my lunch-break and had just come from the safe cupboard to get my needed chemicals that I had carefully put away before my lunch-break. It turned out that someone else had unintentionally left some chemicals out near the area I had been working on, and the boss thought it was me. I was rather stunned when the boss was yelling at me, and it made me feel angry when I told her that it wasn't me who left those chemicals out and she said "yes they are!", in a tone of voice which meant "don't be such a liar!" I walked away and slammed into the staff room, crying my eyes out. I just felt really angry that I was yelled at unexpectedly by my boss, about something I hadn't even done, then not even believing me when I calmly told her it wasn't me. My colleagues said that was unfair of her to speak to me like that, and that she had been in a foul mood all day, and that I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.



Same thing happened to me at work one time but it was with food. I was eating something in the laundry room and I have eaten in there before and then my boss was screaming at me to eat in the break room and I was totally confused about why I got screamed at because she has never gotten mad at me before about it. I never figured that one out but my mom says maybe someone else was doing something like maybe they left a mess in there with food and didn't clean it up so she thought it was me so that was why she screamed at me. That makes sense but it's only a speculation.

Did the boss ever apologize?


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21 Aug 2017, 6:03 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Silver_Meteor wrote:
Do you think people with Aspergers are more vunerable to being a victim of circumstances(i.e. in the wrong place at the wrong time) than NTs? Do you get the impression that NTs in positions of authority will tend to be more suspicious of people with Autism/Aspergers and tend to blame them unfairly more so than fellow NTs?


I have had this happen to me numerous times. I am not sure if this is normal or just me with bad luck and have rolled the dice each time. Few examples were:

At work someone keeps on throwing soap bottles in the recycling bins on each floor and a co worker blamed it on me and got mad at me when I kept "denying" it. He never apologized for his mistake.

I cleaned the restrooms at work and each time customers would come in and use the restrooms because those restrooms are right by the gym so those are the most used and I got the blame for the mess they left and it was normal use of the restroom. that co worker never apologize to me for his mistake for getting mad at me about it and my former boss who also made that same mistake. I hear this is a common janitor problem.

When I was seven, a boy in my class on the field trip decided to throw his sucker wrapper out the window and the classroom aide was then yelling at me about it and the boy in front of me denied it but later confessed he did it. The teacher was like "okay" and didn't apologize to me for not believing me. I hated her and had no respect for her. She has called me a liar before so this wasn't the first time and also accused me of playing in PE when I was trying to tie my shoes and she didn't believe me when I told her. I had troubles tying my shoes then even though i knew how but it was very hard so I mostly wore sandals and the reason why I didn't ask for help was because I was expected to do it myself.

In second grade I was at recess and a basketball landed on top of a boy's back from my class and he turned around and saw me and called me stupid. I told him I didn't do it but he didn't believe me.


In 4th grade I was at track practice and a boy from my class tossed a ball and it landed on the track where the middle school cheerleaders were rehearsing and they were all looking at me and the boy kept shouting sorry but they still thought it was me after the boy was admitting he did it by saying sorry. but that accident sure got them to end their practice early.


On here someone decided to open an account and names it Spokane and they trolled here and the mods and even Alex thought it was me that created that sockpuppet. Plus they used a Pampers avatar and someone else created a sockpuppet and used the same Benny & Joon avatar I had and they also thought it was me and the former mods thought it was me too. So I have been accused of having more accounts than I have had here. Not one of them ever apologized to me for making that mistake thinking those were my accounts. This was back in 2007. But here was a problem, I had moved and I have used four different IP addresses because I used this form at my house and at my parents house and then I used this forum when I was with my ex and then I lived with my aunt and uncle and used this forum there too so that looks bad so they had an excuse to think those trolls were me. Then I moved into my apartment so another new IP address and I have switched servers several times because we would get a new server to save money and stuff or because we cancelled our land line and got a new server.

When I was 18, I was on another forum and one of my former online friends made a rage post and someone who was posting as a guest told him to calm down and that former friend scolded him thinking it was me and addressed them with my name.

When I was 6, we had a boy in my class who was a pathological liar so he got me into trouble several times with his lies but he did it to other kids too in our class. I was relieved when he wasn't in my class again the following year and I unintentionally got him into trouble for something I did when I was seven but I let him take the blame because I didn't want to be in trouble. I felt bad about it for a while and then started to justify it because he was a bad boy who has gotten me into trouble several times with his lies so this was revenge I did even though I didn't plan it to happen but my impulsive behavior is what did it. I got a thought in my head and just did it. I think this was just a Russell problem.

I was once accused of taking a video tape from a second hand store so I got arrested for "shoplifting." Not sure if I didn't anything wrong here to indicate it or if the cops and the store owner were just idiots.


Blimey , do these things still bother you , are they fresh in your memory. If so is it a common Aspie trait to hold onto the times you have been wronged or treated unjustly.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Aug 2017, 6:21 pm

Yes for over five years I have gotten paranoid someone will honestly mistake me for a criminal or frame me up for a crime.

The judge and jury might notice I used the nonverbal communication that looked like a guilty NT instead of a not guilty AS. Because I am usually nervous and express emotions in a weird way

Talked about it with a counselor. Counselor told me that the court has a psychologist that handles that kind of event

In any event though I still have a copy of the Autism diagnosis report. If the court wants to see it



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21 Aug 2017, 6:35 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Yes for over five years I have gotten paranoid someone will honestly mistake me for a criminal or frame me up for a crime.

The judge and jury might notice I used the nonverbal communication that looked like a guilty NT instead of a not guilty AS. Because I am usually nervous and express emotions in a weird way

Talked about it with a counselor. Counselor told me that the court has a psychologist that handles that kind of event

In any event though I still have a copy of the Autism diagnosis report. If the court wants to see it


I always feel I look guilty if someone accuses me of something I didn't do but seeing as I haven't been diagnosed it might be some other issue going on.


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21 Aug 2017, 9:12 pm

I know as a kid, my parents would always blame me for anything by default, instead of my brother - granted, that may also be because I'm the oldest child. I think all the experience as a kid is what makes me so paranoid about being falsely accused of things now. And because I'm nervous around people and don't like people being around but not being able to see them, and will go out of my way to avoid getting too close to people, that probably makes me look suspicious, too.


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League_Girl
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22 Aug 2017, 3:07 am

SaveFerris wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Yes for over five years I have gotten paranoid someone will honestly mistake me for a criminal or frame me up for a crime.

The judge and jury might notice I used the nonverbal communication that looked like a guilty NT instead of a not guilty AS. Because I am usually nervous and express emotions in a weird way

Talked about it with a counselor. Counselor told me that the court has a psychologist that handles that kind of event

In any event though I still have a copy of the Autism diagnosis report. If the court wants to see it


I always feel I look guilty if someone accuses me of something I didn't do but seeing as I haven't been diagnosed it might be some other issue going on.



If you are ever accused, remain calm and provide them proof you are innocent and that will show them you are innocent or why else would you be volunteering to have them pat you down or look in your bags and stuff or even show them your empty pockets? But if officers show up asking to search your car or house, ask if they have a warrant and if not, don't let them because they could just plant something in your car or home to frame you and the law allows you to deny them access to search your home or car but this is for the US. I am aware you live in the UK so I don't know what your rights are there when it comes to needing to search your home or car for evidence.


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22 Aug 2017, 3:13 am

Because I had been falsely accused so many times, I was so worried I would be falsely accused of a crime and go to prison or even end up on death row for a crime I didn't commit. After all innocent people have gone to prison for crimes they didn't commit. But here I am still living in the real world and I still haven't been locked up yet so my have gotten less worried about being at the wrong place at the wrong time and I vow to myself if I ever see a dead body, do not touch it so they can't connect me to that crime I didn't do. Also do not touch any items or weapons at the crime scene, I wouldn't want to frame myself. I also wouldn't let my kids in the kitchen when I would be boiling water because I was worried I would trip and spill it on them and I get accused of child abuse because of a story I heard at work about someone's daughter being charged with child abuse when she accidentally burned her daughter with hot water and both her kids were taken and she never got them back.


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