Do you think that you should have kids?

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HeroOfHyrule
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08 Oct 2022, 10:30 pm

Do you think that it's a good idea for you to have kids?

I increasingly feel like I shouldn't have kids, and that I probably won't ever be ready to have any. I wouldn't neglect a child or anything like that, but I'm very emotionally and socially stunted due to ASD and trauma, and I don't think it's a good idea for someone who is basically developmentally a child to have one of their own. I'm also only really independent with help from other people and if I had a kid I wouldn't be able to take care of them by myself. I also am often burnt out and have shutdowns very frequently, which isn't ideal when you have kids.



DW_a_mom
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09 Oct 2022, 2:04 am

It is such a difficult and very personal decision. It can be very brave to admit you don't think you could handle all it takes.

Obviously, given my history here, I decided to have kids. At the time, it should be said, I had no idea I might have any level of nuerodivergence, and I'd been independent for a long time. So there was no reason I was aware of at the time to put on the scale against my desire. I do think I did OK overall, but some of the genetics they got from me have been less than ideal.

I think both my kids, including my ASD son, would make good parents, and they know that I believe they would. But the decision will be theirs; it is not a slam dunk by any means what they will decide. Both have issues that can make their lives overwhelming, so it is quite possible they won't feel its appropriate to add more responsibility.


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Dox47
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09 Oct 2022, 2:11 am

I got snipped at 35 cause I realized that I really didn't want them, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself as it is.


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kraftiekortie
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09 Oct 2022, 9:29 am

I don’t believe in the garbage that “one shouldn’t bring kids into this big, bad world.” The “world,” to a certain extent, is “what you make of it.”

I sort of regret not having kids…..but am sort of glad because I might have screwed up badly if I did have kids.



HeroOfHyrule
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09 Oct 2022, 10:07 am

I would like to have kids, I just don't think it's a good idea for me to do that. I can handle having pets, but they only require a fraction of the attention and other things that human kids need. I can't even consistently take care of all of my own needs as an adult human being, so purposely having kids seems like a bad idea. lol



Where_am_I
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09 Oct 2022, 10:18 am

I need a lot of alone time and struggle with just taking care of myself, so having kids wouldn't be right. It was in my late 20s when I realised I didn't want kids. It's a huge responsibility, and I'm not very responsible.

I have a lot of fun hanging out with my nieces and nephews.....my cut off time is around two hours, though.


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Caz72
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10 Oct 2022, 6:21 am

i wasnt planning on having kids as i dont like babies much but i got raped when i came off the pill and got pregnant

it was mixed feelings when my son was born as i loved him but hated him at the same time

my dad came to help tho

then i started getting more used to having a baby around and i settled more into motherhood and i did everything i could for him to be happy and loved

he is a teenager now and i think i have done a good job with him even though when he was younger he spent half the week with the father of his while i was working driving coaches sometimes i went abroad but i didnt like doing that then my dad died so i left and i just drive buses locally now


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himmellaufen
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14 Oct 2022, 10:58 pm

never, I hate them



IsabellaLinton
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15 Oct 2022, 1:59 am

I'll ask my kids for their opinion. :skull:



kraftiekortie
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16 Oct 2022, 1:22 pm

^I’m SURE they think you’re a fine mother.



kraftiekortie
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16 Oct 2022, 1:25 pm

I sort of wish I had kids….but I’m glad I was never put in a position to screw up.

My mother sort of wishes she had grandkids from me—but also is glad, in a way, that I didn’t have kids.

She has two grandchildren from my brother—so she isn’t deprived.



Lost_dragon
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16 Oct 2022, 6:48 pm

When I was about fourteen, my sister confided that she wasn't going to have kids and that it would be down to me to provide grandkids. However, recently she said that she might have kids in the future. Anyway, I bring this up to explain why this topic has been on my mind for a long time. My parents talk as if it is an inevitability. They've mentioned that the kids don't have to be biological.

I think it's a tricky subject because I know that whatever choice I make, it is going to be controversial. My parents want me to have kids. It is generally assumed that I will adopt. However, IVF or RIVF is a possibility. I don't quite know how I feel about the idea of being pregnant. Personally as a child, I had baby dolls but I never treated them as babies. I used to talk to them as if they were children of the same age.

Which does ultimately make me wonder if I'd take to the mother role. I know that if I take on motherhood in the future, not everyone is going to agree with this choice. There will be offended groups, shocked parents and potentially bullies. Of course, I know that I wouldn't be able to keep a child completely shielded from harm, nor should I attempt to do so. I would ultimately worry about being too much of a helicopter parent, but I would also worry about being too lax of parent as a direct result of trying to avoid being too overly involved.

I know in the past, I made a post on a similar thread saying that I might have kids, and I had a user send me a message trying to convince me not to have kids. Ultimately, that is something I'm going to have to deal with if I want to do so in the future. I'd need a thick skin. My kid might be picked on because of their parents. Which is not a pleasant reality.

Also, the neurodivergence aspect. There's a possibility if I went down the IVF route that the kid might end up with similar issues. I know school wasn't exactly kind to me, and there is a worry that my hypothetical kid might have the same struggles. There's a tendency in this family for twice-exceptionalism, I would worry about such a child becoming burnt out. Of course, if I ever get married, maybe it'd be my wife having the child.

Plus, it costs an awful lot to care for a child. There's also an increased likelihood for twins with such procedures. Caring for one child is costly, but two? 8O Would I ever be ready for that possibility?

Adoption isn't perfect either. The foster system has its flaws. Would I have the child's best interests, or would I be acting selfishly? Ultimately, reuniting the child with their birth family should be the ideal goal, but it's not always possible or safe. I'd rather the child decide that they want to be adopted, rather than force a new identity on them because they're their own person who deserves as much respect. What if I couldn't get a hold of their medical records for whatever reason and it leads to disaster? (Yes I've overthought this).

There's a lot of things that need to go right if kids are going to be a possibility. I'd need financial stability, independent living (including learning certain skills) and likely a partner. Whilst I'm already out of the closet, it is kind of scary the idea of being openly in a relationship. I'll focus on learning how to drive and hopefully improving my career for now. I want to leave my current job and hopefully leave this area when I get the chance. How people even meet each other is still a mystery.

Frankly it's weird when people ask if I want kids because I've never so much as kissed anyone. I feel as though I haven't experienced much of life just yet.

Sorry for the long post. :oops:


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CockneyRebel
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16 Oct 2022, 8:27 pm

I never wanted kids and a family. It would have been too much of a shock for me with my Gender Dysphoria. My condition is so profound that sex would be too much for me. I don't want a penis that I feel should be mine poked into me, thank you.


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HeroOfHyrule
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16 Oct 2022, 10:16 pm

I wanted kids for a long time, despite being trans. I think if I ever became pregnant it would make me very dysphoric once it became noticeable though, so I wouldn't ever purposely become pregnant.

I also don't know if I ever want to get married or anything like that. I honestly don't see myself ever actually doing that. I could maybe be in a long term relationship, but I don't think anyone would want to marry me or that I would want to be married to anyone.



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21 Oct 2022, 8:24 am

Caz72 wrote:
i wasnt planning on having kids as i dont like babies much but i got raped when i came off the pill and got pregnant

it was mixed feelings when my son was born as i loved him but hated him at the same time

my dad came to help tho

then i started getting more used to having a baby around and i settled more into motherhood and i did everything i could for him to be happy and loved

he is a teenager now and i think i have done a good job with him even though when he was younger he spent half the week with the father of his while i was working driving coaches sometimes i went abroad but i didnt like doing that then my dad died so i left and i just drive buses locally now



Sorry to go off on a tangent but if this particular unsavoury individual hasn't been caught already and you have no idea who he is, your son might be able to hand his DNA over to the police who might be able to find the culprit.



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21 Oct 2022, 11:22 am

No way, I'd be an awful parent.

But, I also have no desire for kids of my own so I am not bothered that it would be a bad idea for me to have them. Parenting is not for everyone and that is ok.


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