Diagnosed and I have low empathy?

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I got diagnosed earlier this week. That itself was such a good feeling of reassurance and understanding but one of the assessments we did was on empathy and it said I had very low empathy. I feel like a monster. I like caring for people and have been told that I'm a good listener. One of the issues I often have in making and maintaining friendships is that I just don't lie to people and they get upset by that. I understand why they get upset but I don't find it productive to lie to them. I'd rather tell someone that I don't like their boyfriend or whatever instead of waiting until they inevitably break up to say I never liked him.

I didn't think empathy was something I struggled with and I just feel weird about it, I don't know. I don't think of myself as a cold person, but is that what I am?

ask your diagnostic psych what they meant by that, maybe your definition of empathy is different from diagnostic one

You sound sweet and compassionate...

There is a difference between empathy and compassion but the two are used interchangeably these days even by medical services (so much so I feel like buying them all a dictionary).

Don't worry

The example you describe is a case of someone needing or wanting you to support them.

Neither of you are in the wrong x

It can be complicated....

i have low empathy but im not saying its a common symptoms its just me

i have a emotional disconnection to other peoples thoughts and feelings and cant deal with it

i literally dont care about most people except close family of course which means im not a psychopath im just autistic and unable to make friends but im happy this way .
so i dont care for getting to know people and being friends and also i dont care for drama or emotional manipulation either..all i want to be is left alone but people think that some of my autistic behaviours are me deliberately trying to cause drama but in actual fact i really dont care about them and just want to be left alone

i can break things during a meltdown and not say sorry..i know i dont want to break things and i dont do on purpose to upset people but at the same i dont care that i have break something and upset someone

that is perfect example of lacking empathy and i know most autistics have more empathy than that

It's not that you lack the empathy it's that you literally don't understand how to use it or see it properly.

If you had a friend and you were amazed by this friend or whatever, then another friend says "I don't like them" when you know your friend is a great person and in your eyes cannot see why anyone wouldn't like them, it comes across as your other friend is saying that because they are jealous that you're talking better about another friend or some other negative reason, that's why people lie and say "yeah they're great", they could be the biggest bastard on the planet but to not hurt your friends feelings you have to just agree to disagree politely. These are called white lies, basically just small lies to protect your friendship so you don't hurt the other person. You may completely disagree with them but sometimes it's better to just agree with them to keep the peace on small things like this.

The brutal honesty with us autistics is good, because who doesn't like someone honest but with the NTs it really ruins friendships sadly you have to be careful as annoying as that sounds.

The social structure of NTs is incredibly confusing and totally weird.

There are two "layers" of empathy:
1. cognitive empathy - ability to read cues about another person's feelings
2. emotional empathy - ability to connect to another person's emotions once you know them.
https://www.verywellmind.com/cognitive- ... hy-4582389

Many autistic people have low cognitive empathy accompanied by average or high emotional empathy.

If you don't intentionally harm others, you're definitely not a monster. Don't let anyone emotionally blackmail you into believing you are.

Are you familiar with theory of mind? Delayed (or non-) development in theory of mind in autistic people can express itself to neurotypicals as a lack of empathy. I score low low on all empathy test but I still do believe I have empathy whether I exhibit it or not.

The idea that autistic people lack "theory of mind" is controversial.

It is certainly true that many autistic people are prone to misunderstanding NT's, and vice versa. However, instead of a lack of theory of mind, it might be more accurate to characterize this as a "double empathy problem" between autistic people and NT's, because NT's often have difficulty understanding autistic people, too.

Two autistic people who happen to be similar enough to each other may (in some cases, at least) find it easier to understand each other than to understand NT's, or to be understood by NT's.

See, for example, the following articles:

- Double empathy, explained by Rachel Zamzow, Spectrum News, 22 July 2021.

- How and Why Neurotypicals Misunderstand and Mistreat Autistic People: Distinct modes of social communication, the privilege problem, and what to do about it, by Heini Natri, Mad in America, October 26, 2021.