How could my cool friend be so stupidly naïve about dating?

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It was my freshman year of college, year 2001. I still didn't have a car. Me and my friend were having lunch together on campus. I confided to him how I wanted to ask a girl out, but I was afraid she'd reject me after I told her I didn't have a car. (This happened to me my senior year of high school, which he knew.) That's when things got weird.
Me: <blah blah blah, date, no car>
Him: "That's OK. I'll drive you two around. I'll take you wherever, then pick you up afterwards."
Me: "Wait, what! You mean like a fake taxi?"
Him: "Yes. You two can sit in the back and cuddle, and I'll drive."
Me: "You can't be serious!"
Him: "Why not?"
Me: "Dude, really?!"
Him: "Let me drive you and your date. It'll be fun."

That's when I knew my friend was just being stupid! There's absolutely no way a girl was going to agree to being driven around by her date's friend! And I can't believe he didn't realize that! Or worse, she'd lose all interest in me and jump on his **** [penis] the moment she saw him pull up in his car. (It was a basic Honda, not anything sexy, but in college, ANY car a guy has is "sexy".)

Well, there's a possibility that my friend WASN'T being stupid. Given how good-looking he was, he was fully aware of the dating dynamics, and was simply trolling me. Or maybe just joking stupidly, rather than overtly trolling. After all, he had a girlfriend at the time, and bought a car shortly after turning 16 (the legal driving age in the US). So expecting him to understand being rejected over lack of a car would be like expecting George Soros to understand not having money.

Either way, I told the guy to pound sand, possibly a bit rudely. Then I decided to look for a girlfriend who DIDN'T care about me not having a car. Well, I found one a few months later. She was very unattractive and boring to be around. But I was so grateful to have found someone who was OK with taking public transit on dates, that I didn't care. My friend's reaction was mixed when I told him about her. He even sounded kind of apologetic about driving me (no pun intended) into the arms of someone I wasn't going to be happy with. I took my time to listen to him, while telling him how grateful I was to have met a girl who was OK with a carless guy and that his "taxi" wasn't needed.

Funny how today we have Uber/Lyft. So if Uber/Lyft (and smartphones) existed in 2001, I'd just request a ride for me and my date (assuming she wasn't OK with public transit), and me not having a car would never be an issue. Only we'd be getting driven around by some stranger, rather by my naïve friend.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 19 Oct 2022, 8:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's a really good thing I'm long out of high school and college.....all this Chad crap doesn't apply after kids grow up and mature.

Chad or no Chad, that's not what this thread is about. It's about how a friend with dating skills 1000 times better than mine actually thought him being a "dating chauffeur" was a good idea. (Assuming he wasn't trolling me, that is.) When I tried to explain to him how inane his idea was, he reacted like he had no idea what I was talking about.

That said, I trusted him not to hit on my date. Not that it was even necessary for him to do that. She'd throw herself at him the minute he came to pick us to to drive us, and I'd be left out in the cold. I can't believe he overlooked that part.

There are at least some women (yep....probably most women, even in high school and college) who wouldn't just "throw themselves" at somebody who looks "Chad-like."

I feel like the guy was being presumptuous----at best.

Or because simply the guy is not even aware of those dynamics because he never struggled.

i dont think he was doing it on purpose but i could be wrong.

The "throw themselves" part in my earlier post was about his car, rather than his looks. I knew that a guy without a car becomes worthless in a girl's eyes when his friend with a car comes on the scene. That's why I vehemently rejected his idea.

I didn't realize how important a guy's looks were in dating until a year or two later, although I was aware of leagues even back in 2001. Interestingly, when I went on a date in 2016, I took a train to meet her, while she drove there.

I think after 21 years you need to put this episode behind you.

You are twice as old now. This is pretty much irrelevant.

My highest and profoundest gratitude for your very kind and helpful response.

Sarcasm aside, didn't you ever want to figure out a situation from years past, when your AS was more severe and before you learned to mask effectively? Considering that this guy's dating skills were 1000 times better than mine, him suggesting something so naive seemed very out of character.

Does it not occur to you that teenaged girls and women might have their own cars and not depend on men to have them?

What's up with the blatant sexism?

No sexism, I swear to god. I was talking about guys having a car on a date! I mean, at least back in 2001, it was very normal for a girl to expect to be driven by a guy while on a date with him. If he didn't have a car, he was barely worth her friendship, let alone her romantic partnership. (Except for rare gems like the girl I met later that academic year, her flaws and all.)

In recent years, things became more flexible. I once had a girl meet me at a place where I took a train and she drove. And another of my dates actually took a city bus herself, to meet me at a bar near where I worked at the time.

NT men (even sociable/good looking ones) certainly have dry patches on the dating front. A lot of it is to do with mental blocks that happen every so often based on some recent experience they had.

Why??

It was "very normal" for girls to "expect" to be driven?

Last I checked in 2001 the driving age was the same for guys and girls.
Access to parents' cars was the same for guys and girls.
Access to part-time jobs for buying gas, insurance, etc. was equal too.

Given this, why weren't guys upset if girls didn't drive them around on dates?

I started driving in the 1980s in high school.
I've dated for 40 years.
I can't think of a time I ever "expected" a guy to pick me up.
In fact I likely drove more than they did, so they could have a drink.

My son and daughter had equal access to my car at that age as well.




Again, what's up with the sexism?
Girls who aren't gold diggers are "rare gems" ?

Oh dear, Oh dear dear dear.

Really???

Cultural differences, my fellow WrongPlaneteer. You're from the UK; it doesn't have a merciless car culture the US has.

Mods, please take note as well.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 20 Oct 2022, 7:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I lived in California when I started driving, and dating.