Why is mental well-being worse for singles than couples ?

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chris1989
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24 Oct 2022, 11:49 am

I seem to feel as though it re-enforces the stereotype that a person who has been single long-term is ''weird'', ''unattractive'' or ''has issues''. I seem to think that about myself sometimes even though a part of me thinks that my not be entirely true.



shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Oct 2022, 9:04 am

You can't measure "mental well being"

Might not be a representative sample or controlled experiment

But maybe people with poor "mental well being" are less likely to get married

Correlation versus causation

And even if single people had worse mental well being than married people, you have to ask, by how much



Fireblossom
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25 Oct 2022, 10:42 am

???

Is that a thing? Is there a study about this? I mean, I've run a lot more in to articles about how single people, especially childless ones, tend to be the happiest than about single people being miserable.



shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Oct 2022, 3:29 pm

Fire blossom

"Mental well being" does not always equal "happiness"



Dial1194
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25 Oct 2022, 7:30 pm

With couples, they can support each other through times of low mental well-being.

Singles are less likely to have someone who can do this, or do it as often.

It's not an absolutely given situation in either case, but it can be a factor.

On top of this, there's the societal pressure to be in a relationship (economic, really; when people are living together they're likely to have living expenses reduced slightly per person, meaning companies can pressure them to buy more products and unemployment is more of a threat to employees with other people they're supporting), so people who aren't can sometimes feel worse about their situation.



temp1234
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26 Oct 2022, 7:13 am

I think married people/people with a partner have more problems, and probably have worse mental health as a result. They always have obligations to each other, pretend to like in-laws, sacrifice privacy, worry about divorce/breakup, sacrifice personal time/space, worry about ugly money matters, worry about who pays, worry about who does the chore, put up with bad habits etc. I can't imagine having a partner could improve my mental well-being. You'll know if you try a relationship. It's all about obligations and protecting yourself from your partner.



FleaOfTheChill
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26 Oct 2022, 8:21 am

I'm not sure that it is worse for single people. I'd guess that depends on a lot of things. Say you are part of a couple and your partner is abusive or selfish (for example)...eh, you'll likely be worse off as a coupled person. But I know a lot of people in healthy relationships do value not having to go at life alone. I find this to be especially true of aging people...the idea suddenly hits them that gee, if I broke a hip, who would be here to look out for me? Stuff like that. The same can be said of younger people, I suppose but the benefits of being two united would be different...things like having someone to help cover the cost of living, raise children, be there when you get a cold or flu, and so on. Having another person around does have its benefits. And those benefits can make life and your mental well being, better off. I will not deny that. If you are social, the mere fact that someone else is there will do you worlds of good.

Thing is though, a lot of relationships have problems and those problems can be huge and that can make life miserable. There's also the fact that if you have another person (even if the relationship is great), that stuff greatly impacts your freedom and that can feel smothering. If you're a person who works a lot, your partner can be hurt by that sense of isolation. As a single person, there is no your partners problems becoming your problems. There's no responsibility to care for someone else and deal with their stuff. Personally, having another person in my space drains me pretty fast and I find I get on better as a single person than I ever did as a married one. I am less stressed and I hurt no one by my need for massive amounts of alone time.

So yeah, it depends on the person/people.



rse92
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27 Oct 2022, 1:33 pm

Anyone respond to this thread who is married?



FleaOfTheChill
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27 Oct 2022, 2:36 pm

rse92 wrote:
Anyone respond to this thread who is married?


I'm single now, have been for over two years now. But I have been married before. Twice. First marriage lasted about six years. I was 17 when we married, so yeah..it was doomed from the start. The second (the one I'm two years out of now) lasted almost twenty years. Despite not being married, I'm not too far detached from it. Legally, yes, I am still married. I still can't be bothered to file for divorce...paperwork is my nemesis. But for all practical purposes, nah, I am not married anymore.



Mona Pereth
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28 Oct 2022, 2:01 pm

temp1234 wrote:
I think married people/people with a partner have more problems, and probably have worse mental health as a result. They always have obligations to each other, pretend to like in-laws, sacrifice privacy, worry about divorce/breakup, sacrifice personal time/space, worry about ugly money matters, worry about who pays, worry about who does the chore, put up with bad habits etc. I can't imagine having a partner could improve my mental well-being. You'll know if you try a relationship. It's all about obligations and protecting yourself from your partner.

A lot depends on how compatible you are with your partner. A relationship with a highly incompatible -- or abusive -- partner is obviously NOT good for one's mental health. On the other hand, a relationship with a sufficiently compatible partner can be very good.

(Alas, many people tend to evaluate potential partners based too much on superficialities and not enough on actual compatibility.)

Also, IMO, it's important to have not JUST a romantic relationship, but also some longterm close friends who can help each other through difficult times.


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CockneyRebel
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29 Oct 2022, 5:25 pm

The reason that I've decided to remain single is to preserve my mental health. I was in an emotionally painful relationship when I was in college. I don't want the same thing to happen again.


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