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BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 10:38 am

My theories: (I love lists he he)
They are 10-15 years younger
Its like I'm a "make a wish" kid (lucky to be invited)
I'm more different than I realize
I subconsciously really don't want to go
They assume I can't afford it
I don't drive
I'm just not of interest or compatible
Its a cliche situation
They want me to but I don't realize it
(The big one) I'm not cool or fashionable

I'm so accustom to solitude and prefer it but sometimes I want to share the memorable times and photos on social media. My page is full of me me me lol. Can you relate? Any suggestions. You guys never fail to help me.



saimand
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25 Oct 2022, 11:56 am

I feel you. Ive missed so many life experiences because I dont have company,or I go by myself everywhere . Maybe try to invite someone for change? If you havent yet.
But I feel you, I always want to be invited even when I dont wanna go.


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jared11235
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25 Oct 2022, 12:41 pm

I can relate to this. Many people want to do things on the spur of the moment and I like my well planned out routine so it's hard for me to go along even when they do invite me. Then when I decide to actually go along, nobody gets the things I'm interested in so I listen to all their conversations not really knowing how or when to chime in.



BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 1:45 pm

saimand wrote:
I feel you. Ive missed so many life experiences because I dont have company,or I go by myself everywhere . Maybe try to invite someone for change? If you havent yet.
But I feel you, I always want to be invited even when I dont wanna go.

Good idea! I always put myself as the lesser person, if I initiate, it might get a good response. Then I can cancel and they'll know how I feel he he just kidding.



BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 1:47 pm

jared11235 wrote:
I can relate to this. Many people want to do things on the spur of the moment and I like my well planned out routine so it's hard for me to go along even when they do invite me. Then when I decide to actually go along, nobody gets the things I'm interested in so I listen to all their conversations not really knowing how or when to chime in.

Totally! Its not going to be fun for the guys who are talking about football to hear about the gel medium I used on my last mixed media art piece lol.



Fern
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25 Oct 2022, 1:54 pm

BreathlessJade wrote:
They are 10-15 years younger


So does this mean that you have trouble making friends with other people in their 30s & 40s?
Personally, I find going out with 20-somethings exhausting. Sometimes it feels like they are hell-bent on doing damage to themselves (loud music, drinking until sick, eating overly-rich food, etc.)



klanka
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25 Oct 2022, 5:13 pm

Probably the age thing. Many people our age are married and have jobs, so have very little time for friends



BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 8:39 pm

Fern wrote:
BreathlessJade wrote:
They are 10-15 years younger


So does this mean that you have trouble making friends with other people in their 30s & 40s?
Personally, I find going out with 20-somethings exhausting. Sometimes it feels like they are hell-bent on doing damage to themselves (loud music, drinking until sick, eating overly-rich food, etc.)

Partially so yes, they are out at all hours of the night, hiking, going to Disneyland etc...they are church goers so they don't drink and stuff. I'm definitely not on their cool level in their eyes, its obvious, but they love me. They love me in a hunchback of Notre Dame way haha. I'm like they're little ragamuffin friend :lol:



BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 8:40 pm

klanka wrote:
Probably the age thing. Many people our age are married and have jobs, so have very little time for friends

Precisely!



klanka
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26 Oct 2022, 6:37 am

ive spent a year in the exact situation you're talking about. I think it was opportunity to grow spiritually. I hope its almost over.
Basically I thought God told me that my relationship with women is going to resemble my relationship with him. So no prayer = women being distant :D

It has begun to turn around now. Like now I have a balanced prayer life. I used to spend all day doing religious stuff but that was bad as well.

So now, miraculous things have happened which show the possibility of a turnaround,

but still waiting.



BreathlessJade
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27 Oct 2022, 9:23 am

klanka wrote:
ive spent a year in the exact situation you're talking about. I think it was opportunity to grow spiritually. I hope its almost over.
Basically I thought God told me that my relationship with women is going to resemble my relationship with him. So no prayer = women being distant :D

It has begun to turn around now. Like now I have a balanced prayer life. I used to spend all day doing religious stuff but that was bad as well.

So now, miraculous things have happened which show the possibility of a turnaround,

but still waiting.

Thank you for that. Yes relationship is God has been my foundation so perhaps I should start there.



Fireblossom
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27 Oct 2022, 9:55 am

Same. I don't think people outright hate me, but I suppose I give off a too awkward air for people to want to get to know me better, and when some do, I say or do something too awkward... maybe?

Sometimes I invite people to places myself, but that doesn't work out most of the time, either. I did have this one big success in 2018 that I'm still proud of, which is kind of sad considering how long ago that was, but shhh. :mrgreen:



BreathlessJade
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27 Oct 2022, 6:32 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Same. I don't think people outright hate me, but I suppose I give off a too awkward air for people to want to get to know me better, and when some do, I say or do something too awkward... maybe?

Sometimes I invite people to places myself, but that doesn't work out most of the time, either. I did have this one big success in 2018 that I'm still proud of, which is kind of sad considering how long ago that was, but shhh. :mrgreen:

So glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. Actually its become a lot more fun being alone. Sort of out weighs having to get dressed up and venture out to a neurotypical event.when I look at social media, the do tend to make their lil exclusive group outings fun.



autisticelders
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28 Oct 2022, 4:45 am

I was able to finally solve this by finding peers... I tried to join in with traditional groups and because I am who I am, I was the odd one out, tolerated but not welcomed. I joined a couple of interest groups where others who shared my interests hang out. We share conversations and information on line and some of us live close enough we may go in small groups or meet up with just another individual to do something related to our interest. I have enough social life and have great conversations with others "like me" who like the same stuff I do and who are for the most part every bit as interesting in our own very diverse ways. Find something that you really love and want to follow and join an online group or a local club that is all about that interest. You will find others who appreciate your input and welcome you to share time together following what pleases you most. After 65 years of frustration and rejection it worked for me.


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CockneyRebel
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28 Oct 2022, 8:32 am

I think it's the age thing. Younger people tend to want to be around people their own age.


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Adamantus
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28 Oct 2022, 2:19 pm

I run a group for Autistics and we try to invite them out to our events all the time, but most don't show up most of the time. The reason most people don't show up is usually anxiety, cost, or physical disabilities.

You really have to engage with people and put energy and time into relationships in order to get invited to things I think.