Out of my mind, at the click of a pen

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I am facing a nightmare of a situation right now. My head still hurts from Thursday night and I cannot stop thinking about it.

Hello! I'm new here, looking for help, and will now fill you in on the context of the situation. I am an aspiring pilot! I am currently attending ground school for my private pilot's license. I'm two thirds of the way in, made good grades on the two section tests, but have encountered a problem thus far. I'm in a small class of a small mom and pop flight academy, but the class has since grown. Furthermore, whereas none of my classmates started exhibiting a certain behavior in the early days, now about everyone is doing it and I am losing my f*****g mind.

I have some hypersensitivities. Sound, sight, touch. I can tolerate my sights and touches rather well. Those don't bother so bad, but my misophonia is by far, nearing the upmost catastrophic levels of kill me. It gives me headaches, makes me paranoid, and instills in me these barely contain roiling shakes of absolute rage. I can't stop thinking about it, now, long after the torment has ended. I can't stop thinking about how I would like to walk up to every single one of my classmates and snap their instrument of torture in half. How I would like to just scream at the top of my lungs. How I would like to do just about any and everything to make them STOP. JUST STOP. GOD, PLEASE STOP!

And what's this trigger sound which turns me into an animal? Perhaps the absolute worst trigger sound to have in an academic setting: The click of a pen.

I want to dig my fingers into the top of my head and split my skull wide open. I've tried asking them to stop. I've pulled the instructor aside and explained my situation. He made an announcement. They still. Won't. STOP. I hate them. I hate having to explain my situation. Nightmares from my high school years bubble to the surface. It's painful to confess such weakness. I wish they would all just use pencils.

I DO NOT have money, however, I have been considering screwing myself further into debt to get a pair of noise canceling headphones. Thing is, I need them to allow voices through so I can listen to my instructor, but block out the sounds of ADHD pen clicking. Because of that, I don't even know what pair to get. I wish I could solve the issue without such an expensive price.

So please, I'm begging you. Help me. Tell me something, anything to make it all okay. I can't drop out of flight academy. I just can't do it. I'm trying so hard to forge a path to a better life. I have to make it, or else I may as well give up on everything.

Is there a way that you can be taught alone?

That would be asking far too much. This is a very small academy. The class doesn't even have a dozen people in it and the instructor is also a fellow student at the academy.

take some kind of drug like anti-depressant just to get through college?

Yikes ..Whatta a dilemma ! If you sit closer to the class instructor sometimes you can focus and hear better .
It does sound like you have dedication to learning piloting skill . The mere fact that you are absolutely so dedicated
That it appears if you can get through this , you would make for an excellent pilot . A mild tranquilizer could help
Am not sure if this product is still available from doctors but it is call meprobamate . It really takes the edge off for me when I had some. Bose makes some of the best noise cancelling earbuds / headphones . Imho.
Absolute best wishes for your class, their are some sets of CD training programs available to the public to get your basic ground school covered . But not everyone can learn in a independent setting . Those CDs can make ground school go easier . But they are not cheap.75.00 to 100 USD . Not sure if they qualify enough to be a stand alone
Class .

You could try some basic foam earplugs and just not push them in all the way and see if they block out enough of the disturbing sound while allowing you to hear the instructor. The kind used on construction sites. I'd recommend these ones.. they're super common, can be had at pretty much any hardware store for a dollar or whatever (or free from a construction site) and they're not as dense as the more conical shaped orange ones that are next most common:

https://www.uline.ca/Product/Detail/S-1 ... hbEALw_wcB

Alternatively, maybe a pair of earmuffs or large over the ear headphones w/o any music connected to them ? Might muffle out the offending clicks and still let you hear voices well enough. Anything is better than nothing so I'd try whatever options you have available to you for free first. Heck, even a twisted up bit of paper towel if there's nothing else around.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I have misophonia and that would drive me insane too.

Short of sounding flippant, I would buy them all non-clickable pens.

Tell the instructor you need an accommodation, especially because this is done wilfully.

You should be able to get a doctor's note about misophonia.

Try foam earplugs in the meantime. Mine are 33 db.

Uhmmm. Not sure what is a good solution. I am embarissed to admit that if nurvous and I have a pen I will click it as a type of stim so isn't it good I am not on the course? But yes. Is a problwm. Never tried noise cancelling headphones.

I'm not really sure what anti-depressants would do. Maybe I'm just not well versed on all their applications, but I'm not depressed, just those sounds are killing me.

The tranqs sound like an interesting idea, but I'm a little concerned how they will effect my ability to absorb knowledge. The classes are at night and 3 and a half hours long, so they can already drone on and make me space out at times. I might straight up conk out with tranqs, even if they're mild. I'm sure a Benadryl alone would be a challenge.

I will likely try the ear plugs and ear muffs, and definitely before jumping the gun and buying noise canceling anything.

I'm gonna be honest, I did actually text my instructor asking "If I buy twist pens for everyone, do you think they'll use them?" but I never got an answer back and gaaaahd what a clown that would make me look like, no? Like good lord, people will for sure think I've lost my mind. I wish I could just give them a silent option without it being an infringement on their constitutional rights or whatever.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that I've already invested money into this academy. There are lots of sources for pilot training, a few of which I have and are helpful. I'm fairly confident that I don't need to be in class with the instructor to succeed, but participating in class would definitely be the best option, what with it being interactive and all.

Change schools?
Is there a school where you can get credit for ground school via distance learning?
I used to want to be a pilot - I did some ground school - nothing that couldn’t be learned on Zoom.
Flying is expensive. My dad got his vfr and ifr oblt after his dad died and left him some money. Some noise canceling earphones can be connected to the radio in s plain. You will probably need to get some kind of headset to fly. You have to pay for air time, fuel.
You have to pay for ground school.
You could consider the cost part of all those other costs.

Do you plan on being a professional pilot? If you put your headset on a credit card you can pay for it with that income when you get it.

Do you plan on being a private pilot? You could fund your headset the same way you will pay for all the other expenses.

I got Bose noise canceling over the ears headphones. I justified the cost by comparing it to one month of my income. If it saved my job it would be worth it.

I also compared the cost to a month of therapy. I considered that a worthwhile expense.

The condition that you are describing is called Hyperacusis.

Sound Sensitivity and Autism

Hyperacusis is an increased sensitivity to sound that is commonly found among people with autism. This means that certain noises, such as classroom bells, the radio or the TV, may be uncomfortable for your child to hear. When a sound is distressing to a child, he or she may show discomfort by covering their ears, trying to turn off the source of the sound or leaving the noisy environment.

Another article says: Essentially, the brain is responding more actively than it needs to when a noise occurs. This can spark a fight or flight response in your child: an intense feeling of anxiety that something is wrong.

Living with Autism and noise sensitivity discusses this as follows:

High and intense noises can have a severe impact on people living with Autism. Autistic children are very sensitive to specific sounds and pitches that others are not affected by. The downside to sound sensitivity is that noise quickly becomes painful and can even trigger a panic attack. When a person hears multiple sounds simultaneously, it becomes almost impossible to pay attention to the task at hand. Separating and prioritizing sounds will drain a person’s energy, and the constant assault of noise may cause a person’s anxiety level to escalate.

Misophonia is a subset of Hyperacusis which usually involves an extremely strong aversion to soft noises, and noises made by other people (e.g., pen clicking, chewing, fidgeting, clearing throats.)

These sounds do more than make us uncomfortable. They cannot be tolerated and will cause outright panic attacks, rage, and sometimes physical outbursts of violence if we can't get away.

Online Ground School (as advertised anyway)

https://kingschools.com/private-pilot-g ... upon=GAGEN