Feeling very very bad ***s/h trigger warning***

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Even when I think things are going ok, there is always that something that comes along and reminds me I’m balancing on a knife edge. And on Friday I fell off and cut myself. I haven’t done that for 7 years. I think I have slipped back into the darkness. I don’t know how I can go to work tomorrow but I can’t not go because so many people have left and I’ve only just taken on some extra responsibility because of someone who left. I don’t know how to fave people at work though. I want to cut myself again.

You need to get some help. Right now. Unless you know someone well on here, this isn't the right place.

Do you have someone you can call, who knows your history and can be relied on for help? If so, please call them.

If not, go here:
Mind

Lots of info there about help services, including the Samaritans if you need to talk. Cutting is relief but talking is too.

I hope you feel better soon. Try to remember that you didn't do this for 7 years. That's massive and you can get back there. You just need a little help and if you don't have a support network of family/friends there are services that you can use.

All the best.

You are more important then your work.

Let tomorrow worry about itself. All will be ok. You shall see.

Time for some self care. Taking a day off sick might help? I can guarantee things at work will not all fall apart if you miss a day.

Reading your post it occurs to me that perhaps it is stress from the increased responsibility at work that brought this on? Identifying why you feel the way you do can lead to being able to make choices for better self care in the future.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you all. I am somewhat better today. This was triggered by a couple of work social situations, where I overanalysed my behaviour, then decided that I had humiliated myself and said stupid things and nobody would want to be my friend anymore. This triggered my feelings of low self-worth, because I don't feel worthy of their friendship anyway, and I started to hate that feeling of 'different'. Then I was sad and lonely and hating myself. I think I managed to shove the pain back in that dark room in the back of my mind for now.

Thanks for updating us, I thought about you a few times since you posted and hoped you were doing better. Can I make a suggestion? One day, when you're feeling really good, go voluntarily into the dark room and have a look around. Take a friend. Or a torch with a heavy handle. Don't wait for whatever is in there to kick the door down again.

Sweet Pea hugs