Is it pointless to have sex just to say ''you've done it'' ?

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chris1989
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11 Nov 2022, 2:55 pm

Speaking as someone who hasn't yet had that experience, I seem to feel some people have sex for the first time and then later on when it might be brought up in a conversation about relationships and sex, you can say that I did it like you have been there and done it as though want rid yourself of the status of being a virgin. I remember hearing something from somewhere that the average person has sex for the first time in there mid or late teens. That still didn't happen with me as I had no relationship even I did like a friend of mine I used to be friends with even though she didn't seem to really want to be in a relationship. I also seem to think that when it comes to people having sex and then having their first child. I seem to think it happens because will feel like ''Well I'm in my late 20s, I should really start having children.'', much like what I heard this woman say in response to a story about another woman in her late 20s choosing not to have children with her partner and chose a form of sterilisation. I don't know why we feel naturally pressured to have babies early when a person might be feeling its too soon for me to start thinking about that in for example, your late teens or early 20s. I just seem to also think what would it do for me having sex or having a baby ? Would it make me feel any more content or satisfied with life. Its another question I ask myself in the similar way I ask myself would a more fancy car or having more friends and going out with them a lot make me any more happier or less frustrated than what I am now ?



goldfish21
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12 Nov 2022, 12:19 am

It’s not pointless if that’s your personal reason to do it.

It could be pointless if someone didn’t see a point in doing it for that reason.

Very personal and entirely up to each individual if that’s a sufficient reason for them to have sex or not.


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Pepe
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12 Nov 2022, 5:16 am

Quote:
Re: Is it pointless to have sex just to say ''you've done it'' ?


Using a psychological context, no. 8)


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Mountain Goat
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12 Nov 2022, 5:40 am

While passions can be strong, is best not to until you find a "Keeper".



goldfish21
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12 Nov 2022, 12:47 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
While passions can be strong, is best* not to until you find a "Keeper".

*best for You in Your opinion.

There are no absolutes or right or wrongs about this. It’s up to each person to decide for themselves if/when/why they want to have sex.

Purely for pleasure, dropping the stigma of being a virgin, only after marriage for religious reasons, only for procreation etc etc everyone has to make their own choice that works for them.


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amykitten
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12 Nov 2022, 2:13 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
While passions can be strong, is best not to until you find a "Keeper".


Why? People may be single for their whole life and never find someone to settle down with so they should remain a virgin even if they get an oppotunity not to be?



IsabellaLinton
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12 Nov 2022, 2:15 pm

It's no more pointless than anything else we do, just to say we've done it.



kraftiekortie
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12 Nov 2022, 2:19 pm

It’s pointless to have sex just so you could say you’ve “done it.”

Absolutely.

I hope your “first time” is with somebody you have a high regard for.

You have no disease when you remain a virgin. It doesn’t make you less of a person.



Nades
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12 Nov 2022, 2:46 pm

I see some people who sink into serious depression over their virginity and it's not worth it when for the sake of 15 mins, possibly years of depression, even decades can be spared.

It's honestly stupid for someone not to lose their virginity if it's really effecting their well-being and self-esteem. I sunk into a nasty spell of depression about my virginity when I was in my teens and I immediately became much more content with myself just an hour afterwards. My depression vanished in the space of a single day.



Pepe
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12 Nov 2022, 10:52 pm

amykitten wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
While passions can be strong, is best not to until you find a "Keeper".


Why? People may be single for their whole life and never find someone to settle down with so they should remain a virgin even if they get an oppotunity not to be?


Agreed.
No arbitrary man-made morality system is going to interfere with my personal self-actualisation process. 8)


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


Pepe
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12 Nov 2022, 11:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s pointless to have sex just so you could say you’ve “done it.”

Absolutely.


Not based on psychological studies which suggest that we generally need mental stepping stones to move from one point of enlightenment to achieve the next.
I.E. Sequentially...

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope your “first time” is with somebody you have a high regard for.


Having sex with someone is generally very enjoyable.
Making love with a significant other is sublime. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


Pepe
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12 Nov 2022, 11:04 pm

Nades wrote:
I see some people who sink into serious depression over their virginity and it's not worth it when for the sake of 15 mins, possibly years of depression, even decades can be spared.

It's honestly stupid for someone not to lose their virginity if it's really effecting their well-being and self-esteem. I sunk into a nasty spell of depression about my virginity when I was in my teens and I immediately became much more content with myself just an hour afterwards. My depression vanished in the space of a single day.


Agreed.
Ppl make too much of sex, imo.


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Glory to Ukraine.


kraftiekortie
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13 Nov 2022, 6:12 am

I thought, when I lost my virginity, that I would, all of a sudden, “be a man.” All my inadequacies would disappear.

It turned out to be a pipe dream.

I’m lucky the experience wasn’t bad…..but it would have been much better had we loved each other. I was just a substitute for another person that day.



Cafeaulait
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13 Nov 2022, 7:21 am

Yes I think that will be pointless. What would the benefit be of being able to say that you have done it?



QFT
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13 Nov 2022, 7:30 am

I would say the opposite. Saying "you have done it" is the exact reason *not* to have sex. Because that means you lost virginity. I walked into a movie "where the heart is" as my ex-girlfriend was watching it. I didn't know the rest of the movie, I just saw a scene with torn teddy bear. I asked her what was it about. She said kids just got raped. I interpret it to mean that teddy bear represents virginity. Ever since then, I had an idea that when you have sex you are killing your teddy bear, and felt bad about the idea of having sex even after marriage not just before (which of course she got mad at when I told her that). Well, I do plan sex *after* marriage: I don't want to die without kids as I don't want my genetic line to die out. But I am not looking forward for it.

However, let me tell you something *else* that you need to do just to say you've done it. And this is to be *in a relationship*. And the relationship is very different than sex. I been in relationships before, but I never had sex. Now, saying "you have done it" is not entirely accurate because once relatioship ends, the source of pride ends too. I would say its important to be in a relationship, currently, just to say you are in one. Thats precisely what I have been doing. Most women I been in a relationship with, I didn't even like. But I was with them just to say I am in a relationship. Of course, I would MUCH rather be in a relationship with a woman that I actually like. But if 99% of women don't like me (due to Asperger) and the 1% that likes me all have something wrong with them, then what am I supposed to do? Better be with someone I don't like than be single.



Nades
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13 Nov 2022, 8:13 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I thought, when I lost my virginity, that I would, all of a sudden, “be a man.” All my inadequacies would disappear.

It turned out to be a pipe dream.

I’m lucky the experience wasn’t bad…..but it would have been much better had we loved each other. I was just a substitute for another person that day.


Inadequacies won't disappear but the ever tormenting monkey on the shoulder of a lot of virgins will disappear. I've read stories about virgin women who wanted to be raped and men who want to kill themselves over virginity. I just don't see the point in holding on to their virginity if it effects them so badly.

Nobody even really knows the importance (or lack of) when it comes to virginity anyway. People say it's important to keep while simultaneously saying virginity doesn't mean anything and shouldn't be dwelled on. It doesn't make sense and the arguments for remaining a virgin are more often than not contradictory and nonsensical.

Sex with complete strangers and women I know much more closely feels the same to me. Nothing beats a bit of goofing off with strangers as I find them more open and confident. Women I know much better are closer but usually less open.

Also it's good to be able to say you're not a virgin if you're in your 20s to 30s though I find people just start probing you as to who and how you lost it.