good at reading non-verbal, poor at cause & effect?

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Joined: 31 Jan 2011
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03 Dec 2022, 9:16 pm

I'm wondering if any of my fellow "Aspies" have experienced this pattern: at various points in your life, you were able to subconsciously pick up on someone's facial expressions and body language and you intuited they were upset or angry, yet you attributed the wrong cause (to that effect, as it were)? That is, you just assumed that maybe they were having a bad day and it wasn't because they were pissed at you for something (involuntarily) insensitive you said or did?

I think this is where NTs may be better at intuiting cause and effect between somebody's non-verbal and WHY. Whereas, I've always had some facility (albeit inconsistent) at noticing WHAT someone's emotional state was, but not WHY.

Trouble is, you don't wanna incessantly dwell on whether YOU were the cause, because that just leads to more consternation.

Does anyone here identify with what I'm talking about???


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03 Dec 2022, 11:56 pm

Yes. I can often correctly detect silent aggression of other people toward me, but I have no idea what's causing that. However, it often turns out not exactly that I'm offending them. It's often the gossip they have heard from others about me or simply my "weirdness" that "offends" them. In other words, it's often not my doing something wrong but the meanness of other people that causes the silent aggression. That's what I've learned from years of experiences at school/work.


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04 Dec 2022, 12:55 am

I do.

And the cause and effect issues are very much to do with my EF issues.
Even if I had it right, eventually without anyone explaining, it's too slow to come up with whatever realizations and I just can't help but be frustrated enough to hate it.

My personal theory?
Just another blame over executive dysfunction issue for running half blind. Let's add a mix of human trauma for distortions as well.

"Out of sight, out of mind", then when I see it -- I forgot, what was it for again? Why was this again? :roll: :x

Weirdness isn't an issue for me.
It's this, "this dysfunction" that wasn't here when I was younger.

Autism is more like something I have to balance on top of my head.
"This" is more like a weight I have to drag -- the beaten human child who's in a verge of this people pleasing instinct self blame for taking responsibility over someone's else's emotions, not being able to regulate someone else's emotions.

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04 Dec 2022, 7:44 pm

But we can't be mind-readers.

Actually this thread reminds me of a few weeks ago when a colleague of mine said something that made me feel hurt, so I reacted by not speaking because then that way he can't say anything else to me that might hurt. But about 15 minutes later he looked at me confused and asked if I was grouchy and why. I felt like saying "well, isn't it obvious?" But I didn't, I just said "I'm OK" and carried on playing on my phone. But I could sense he was confused and didn't seem to understand that he was a bit harsh with me earlier. He's definitely NT.
I don't generally hurt others because I like to tell people what they want to hear (in offline life). I suppose online I feel more braver to speak out the truth, but I know I'm doing it and that I might have offended someone, but I don't tend to aim direct personal attacks at anyone. I just may express an opposing opinion to a trend or cult or wokeness, out of impulsivity.



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05 Dec 2022, 2:32 am

I can tell when someone is pissed off because of the energy they emit.
I can't read eyes or faces but I can sense the energy.

Unfortunately, in my world it's always my fault no matter what, so I blame myself by default.

I'm not great at reading other types of energy but anger vibes are easy to feel, even in silence.

I've come to join your knitting circle.