Past two days, no work. Bored out of mind. Jogging, grocery shopping, eating, washing dishes, garbage, laundry, stretching, read book, watch youtube videos, stretch, wrote a former coworker a seven page letter, updated my website.
Trying not to waste too much cash.
I live alone. 39, no car, no spouse, no children. One part time job. About 30 hours a week. Sleep about 8 hours a day. Tired all the time. Autism, Gender Identity Disorder, clinical depression.
Usually don't feel like interacting w/anyone, esp when I feel negative emotions, which is pretty often.
Feel like already destroyed my "life".
Everything I attempt to accomplish, is like "there's a hole in the bucket, dear liza" and "you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."
No matter how much I studied, still academic dismissal.
No matter how hard I worked, still made redundant.
No matter how much I ate, still fat.
no many things come naturally
zero intrinsic talent
efficiency pretty low
surreal, dissociated
Cory changed e-mail addresses in October and didn't tell me, and I haven't been able to contact him.
E-mailed Dena on Thursday and it's Monday now and she hasn't answered. She doesn't always answer, though. She said she only checks the email once every three days. Maybe she doesn't want to be my "friend " anymore because I told her what I think about Kayla b***h
Been applying to other jobs. Instead of, or in addition to the current job.
Zero hobbies. Not good at anything. Not interested in anything. Everything is like, cost benefit analysis.
Failure after failure
surreal and dissociated
wounded and traumatized
12 Dec 2022, 10:50 pm
