I can’t live with my dad and stepmom anymore

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CubsBullsBears
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31 Dec 2022, 10:07 pm

They say stupid stuff no one else agrees with, and they always make excuses for people doing such maddening things.


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Rossall
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31 Dec 2022, 10:18 pm

Yes but if you move out you'll have to pay for rent and bills.


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CubsBullsBears
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01 Jan 2023, 8:00 am

Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


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goldfish21
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01 Jan 2023, 12:57 pm

Do you have other options?

Are you capable of living on your own or with roommates? Do you have the money/income? Are you fully prepared to move and fly solo without them?

If yes to everything and you can make an affordable move where you live, then maybe you should consider moving out. You might find it more peaceful, but you also might discover there are entire new challenges to overcome w/o living with family. Be prepared for that if you do make a move. Especially routine things they may do for you that you'll have to do for yourself - whether grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning etc. Some peoples households divide those roles and the people that don't do them regularly don't really think about having to do them until they have to.. then get overwhelmed.

But if it's going to be a nearly impossible struggle in any way from finances to support, then maybe you just need better coping mechanisms to deal with their nonsense. Go out more, be alone in your room more, wear headphones or earplugs and don't listen to them, take up hobbies/interests that keep your focus and attention so they don't engage you in frequent conversation - even reading a book. etc.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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01 Jan 2023, 3:07 pm

I'm looking at that,

goldfish21 wrote:
that keep your focus and attention so they don't engage you in frequent conversation - even reading a book. etc.


and that,

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


and recalling ...

A kind of dad who will hunt you down and interrogate you with,

What is that book?
Why are you reading that book?
Do you know who the author is?
Do you know anything about what the author supports, what the author stands for?
Is that book promoting secular humanism?
Is that book promoting a religion?
Is that book going to increase your skills and marketability?
How is that book adding value to your life?
Why aren't you doing something more productive than reading that book?
and on ...
and on ...
and on ...


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lostproperty
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01 Jan 2023, 3:11 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


Which of these scenarios do you think would make you the most happy....

1) Your Dad and step mom stop annoying you and you carry on living with them
2) Move out and live on your own
3) Move out and live with a partner
4) Move out and be cared for by other family member or service.



CubsBullsBears
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01 Jan 2023, 4:09 pm

lostproperty wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


Which of these scenarios do you think would make you the most happy....

1) Your Dad and step mom stop annoying you and you carry on living with them
2) Move out and live on your own
3) Move out and live with a partner
4) Move out and be cared for by other family member or service.
#3 is the easy choice.


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Early 20s male with Asperger’s and what feels like a mood disorder


lostproperty
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01 Jan 2023, 4:30 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
lostproperty wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


Which of these scenarios do you think would make you the most happy....

1) Your Dad and step mom stop annoying you and you carry on living with them
2) Move out and live on your own
3) Move out and live with a partner
4) Move out and be cared for by other family member or service.
#3 is the easy choice.


I had a feeling you'd pick that one. I think most people would, we're designed that way.
Have you got a partner or are you hoping to find one?



CubsBullsBears
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01 Jan 2023, 5:31 pm

lostproperty wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
lostproperty wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


Which of these scenarios do you think would make you the most happy....

1) Your Dad and step mom stop annoying you and you carry on living with them
2) Move out and live on your own
3) Move out and live with a partner
4) Move out and be cared for by other family member or service.
#3 is the easy choice.


I had a feeling you'd pick that one. I think most people would, we're designed that way.
Have you got a partner or are you hoping to find one?
I do not. My attempts to date the last couple of years have failed.


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Early 20s male with Asperger’s and what feels like a mood disorder


lostproperty
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02 Jan 2023, 5:50 am

CubsBullsBears wrote:
lostproperty wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
lostproperty wrote:
CubsBullsBears wrote:
Just a short comment to add on: my dad is the definition of devils advocate. It’s so maddening.


Which of these scenarios do you think would make you the most happy....

1) Your Dad and step mom stop annoying you and you carry on living with them
2) Move out and live on your own
3) Move out and live with a partner
4) Move out and be cared for by other family member or service.
#3 is the easy choice.


I had a feeling you'd pick that one. I think most people would, we're designed that way.
Have you got a partner or are you hoping to find one?
I do not. My attempts to date the last couple of years have failed.


At 22, time is very much on your side.
An unfulfilled need leads to irritation and I think that's just part of the process of finding the motivation to do something about it, or to keep trying. In that state, you likely are going to become annoyed with those you live with, much much than you would be if you were content within yourself.