Am I stubborn and big-headed ?

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I still can't get over an argument me and my parents had last night where I was complaining about some things including the fact that I had a chilblain on one of my toes and my mum gave me some advice to go to a store and get some socks she had seen in (which I did in the end today). There were other things being argued about which I can't quite remember now and then it just turned into a bit of an unnecessary argument which caused a bit of a negative atmosphere and I was told ''Why do you seem to go round your dads in a better mood and then when you come back to ours you are in a bad mood?'' My mum's partner said to me as he had told me before ''That sometimes you got to realise that your feelings upset other people's feelings.'' and that it not fair that people work all day and need to have a relaxing evening and don't always want to be bombarded with my issues and that I'm the one at the end of the day that needs to do something about it.

He did get rather angry when I brought up the fact that I can't seem to express my feelings of upset around my dads (as my dad may probably tell me to just get on with it and move on with life) and can only seem to do it at my mum's. He said he was sick of me being like this and that I never apologise for anything leaving me feeling like I'm a callous, unsympathetic and horrible person. It ended up playing on my mind the next day at work and I felt like not wanting to talk when I couldn't stay silent at work otherwise it may come across to other staff and customers like I'm being rude and it risk me losing my job.

I seem to worry as though I sometimes come across as stubborn, quite arrogant and quite opinionated. If something has annoyed me or made me angry, I feel as though I might take it personally and then feel as though someone who themselves might come across as though they know everything and that their views and opinions on something are the ''right'' views and opinions and the everyone else's means less to them does seem to irritate me a little but obviously I can't dictate what people say or can not say. I also seem to worry that I end up becoming to type of person when I don't really want to be, its just when people get angry, they say things they don't really want to say because the emotions are high. I do tell myself later that what I had is not the right attitude to have and that it was irresponsible and not a nice thing to say. I then feel bad because don't want to be a nasty person.

Sounds like me when I used to live at home and before I went on Sertraline. I'd have these outbursts that I took out on my mum. I would have a thought in my head and wait for my mum to come home from work to yell at her about it and sometimes a huge row would start up.

I didn't want to do this, and I didn't get pleasure out of doing it. It's why I hate myself, because of the way I treated my mum...who is no longer here now (had cancer and passed away). So I'm just spending the rest of my life beating myself up about it and whenever people say that stress causes cancer I immediately label myself as a murderer.

BUT this is just insecurity about myself and my sh***y f*****g Asperger's, so I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Most neurological disorders causes most sufferers to lash out verbally at the people we love the most. It's just from surviving in a world where we're misunderstood, even though our loved ones don't deserve to be bombarded with our issues, we still can't help ourselves.
As much as it stressed my mum out, she still knew deep down that I couldn't help it, and she loved me anyway. And I loved her too, and I showed it.
As the old saying goes "familiarity breeds contempt", and that goes to NTs as well. Lots of households argue and I bet a lot of people don't go on to an internet forum writing about how bad and guilty they feel about it. It's healthy to admit to your issues (I don't mean issues in a bad or snarky way, I just mean your ASD and your worries, etc).

I hope I worded that right.

i hit out physically when im having one of my meltdowns