setting the table: question

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Both of my autistic children ,( age 12 and 19) when asked to set the table, will leave whatever is on the table( a pencil, a book, a phone, a bag of chips, random stuff guests placed there,) place the plates, utensils, napkins, cups .. around the items. The final product looks crazy! Does anyone else experience this? Also why do they do this? Is it an attempt to avoid asking the owners of the items on the table to move them? Do they not want to move the items and hurt its feelings?

I was taught that step one to setting a table is to clear the table. That didn't mean it all had to be put away properly tho. Things that were obvious, put them away. Everything else, find a box, another table top, whatever to deal with it all later. But one can't set an unclear table.

Younger Aspies tend to tasks tasks literally. It might be a good idea to say, "Could you clear and set the table".

Because they don't want to move the stuff/don't consider it part of the assigned task.

I'm inclined to agree with the 'be more specific' talk. I'd be breaking it down for them, first you clear off the table, this is where all that stuff is to be placed, then set the table. I'd also mention to the kids that if they don't want their stuff getting moved/touched then don't leave it on the table. Thinking on my own children, I had two of them who would go nuts if a sibling touched their stuff...telling them, hey, you don't want it touched, don't leave it on the table would have been sufficient to keep them from fussing about it later. Not sure if your kids would do that, but mine sure would've

Have you ever taught them how a table should be set? Have you actually shown them? You might want to try that.

I push the stuff out of the way toward the center of the table. It doesn’t bother me. Now the table is set. I’m 54.