Might autistic women not be the best match for autistic men?

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What is ND?

Neuro-diverse, people with ADHD or autism or similar.

how was your dating life in your 20s?

I got very lucky.

I'm on the ASD, while on the other hand.. my wife works with people who have disabilities both in com-hab settings, and as a TA in special ed classes. She knows how to handle me, relax me and be supportive. She is not on the spectrum, however her diligence and career path have benefited our relationship more as it's enabled us to have stronger communication and be easier in navigating life as opposed if she didn't and wasn't passionate about her advocacy and career. I think compatibility comes down to shared goals, short-medium-longterm and mapping out the steps necessary to achieve where you wanna be. If you're both rational, that's even better as it allows compromise on some things if any disagreements may arise. Overall, I do think ASD men/women relationships can be compatible - it also won't effect your entitlements/ or benefits, medicaid if you get married (If you're ASD - and marry a non disabled person, it will affect your benefits/medicaid), so.. I would tread lightly but be openminded too.

Not for me. I like charismatic girls. Shyness is a turn-off.

I was reluctant to share my story but here goes. I dated an autistic woman for two and a half years but she broke up with me because I was too afraid to have sex with her. soon after she broke up with me. she started seeing another guy with autism, had a kid with him and apparently had the kid taken a way from her. I still feel really bad for myself and for her. I feel as though I threw away my only chance at a relationship since no NT Girl would ever take me because I don't drive and have severe social anxiety and still live with my parents.

Non contrasting..preserverations....and allowing room for each others special interests .

Then why I don’t know any autistic woman in real life?

^probably because you aren't going to the right places to meet them?

We are around...

Unfortunately, my perception of an autistic female is not consistent with what I witness. They look to mostly be intelligent knowledgeable humans, with very subtle differences that could become a little more obvious in the event one is lucky enough to get to know them more. I am so appalling socially that most don't even get a chance to understand me, and my interests.

I tend to hide where I'm less likely to be approached, as I witness NT strangers behave surprisingly consistently in the tens of thousands, with the very occasional small talk that might occur once or twice a year proving pointless, due to my lack of awareness that these folks can go months if not years without saying anything to the person in question, and still remember exactly years later what was said as though there was no break in the so-called conversation whatsoever.

Their level of neutralness and self control with zero overwhelming impulses and excitement, regardless of the circumstances is foreign to me. I am usually hellbent on discussing as much as possible. Where as the NT might listen for a bit whilst looking at their phone and tapping their fingers expressing a feeling which I cannot pick up on.

I am aware of misperceptions being common at my end, to the point where they result in the person ghosting, or become distant. I have still not managed to make or retain any real friends since the f-up in 2013. Two years in a row, I've made discoveries or something which cause me to be optimistic about things improving in my so-called life (sentence), and yet they linger in my mind for ages with nothing being done to address the predicament I face every day.

But who gives a rats about what I have to say.....? I am likely to post 200 similar messages, without making any progress whatsoever, as I get older. This forum is only good for practicing submission of words to a server, and nothing else. But I continue to use it anyway.

Are you sure you don't know any? Could some be undiagnosed? I know two adult, autistic women offline, but I suspect I know others who just haven't been assessed.

Says a lot about why I haven't made any real friends from elementary school until my fourth year in high school. That's how long it took to witness the light at the end of the tunnel but even then, it didn't go rightfully the way I thought it would. I was happy to be around this ND biological female person as we info-dumped on one another but then she came out as a "man" in front of me and that's when I experienced RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) as my brain vehemently denied me to recognize her as a "man" due to her current biological appearance as well as her not having any hormone therapy taken, not even the first one.

Because of RSD, things became more tense and stressful for me that it lead to the culmination of the end of a friendship with her simply due to my inability to recognize her as a man. And now here I am, on the pursuit of another neurodivergent female individual who isn't trans. To think this would suddenly bring me back to my pre-fourth-year depression from lack of like-minded ND individuals...

Maybe because (assumedly) diagnostic services are few and far between in Lebanon?

You probably are, or you're not going to places they're interested in. I wound up married to a woman that's likely autistic and I see a bunch at the grocery store I work at.

I've actually known four somewhat confirmed autistic women offline & only two somewhat confirmed autistic men offline.

Two autistic women were my girlfriends who I met online first.

One autistic women I met at a center for people with vision problems to learn life skills. She had classic autism & usually had a caretaker with her. She was 18 & I was 19 at the time. I wasn't exactly wanting a relationship at that point in my life but she was really sweet so I woulda been interested in her if she was a bit more independent & her parents woulda been a tad less religious.

The other autistic women I knew a little when we were kids; my mom was a teacher & her mom was a paraprofessional who worked with special needs kids. She had learning problems(I think dyslexia which I also have) & she also had some vision problems but her vision was a lot better than the other women. Me & her were in elementary school at the time so I don't remember much. I met her & hung out with her a couple times when I was 20(she was a year older than me) but I was in my first relationship at the time so I wasn't interested in a relationship, we woulda just been friends. She was living in a camper on her parent's yard. Plus she had a drivers license & a part-time job so she was a lot more independent than me. I heard she got married or had her boyfriend move in with her 10 years ago.

I'd much rather have an autistic partner. I'd feel more comfortable.