I could drive to somewhere but still choose not to. Why?

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chris1989
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28 Mar 2023, 9:43 am

Even though I drive my own car, I still find myself not going out much more further a field in same way as when I didn't drive. I live in Kent in the UK and can travel down as far as Essex to where my dad and stepmum and I do remember once using google maps to find my uncle's new house for a christmas party. There are times when a part of me fancies going somewhere exciting like a theme park like Chessington or go down to London but I still won't seem to go there even though I could use google maps again to help get me there or install a Sat Nav but I still find myself not going to them. It feels as though I must be missing out on all the ''great'' opportunities of driving your own car by not always going to anywhere I like or am I just uncomfortable driving to places well outside the usual routes I take. I feel like the only one while everyone else is driving to anywhere they want to and is doing it even though it might be stressful getting there because its somewhere they have never been to before.



Iamaparakeet
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29 Mar 2023, 2:46 am

Perhaps because it's outside of the normal routine, plus each drive is a risk.

For me, I could walk to stores, albeit I'm broke I could windowshop at least, yet I don't because it's a risk.


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goldfish21
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29 Mar 2023, 12:10 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Even though I drive my own car, I still find myself not going out much more further a field in same way as when I didn't drive. I live in Kent in the UK and can travel down as far as Essex to where my dad and stepmum and I do remember once using google maps to find my uncle's new house for a christmas party. There are times when a part of me fancies going somewhere exciting like a theme park like Chessington or go down to London but I still won't seem to go there even though I could use google maps again to help get me there or install a Sat Nav but I still find myself not going to them. It feels as though I must be missing out on all the ''great'' opportunities of driving your own car by not always going to anywhere I like or am I just uncomfortable driving to places well outside the usual routes I take. I feel like the only one while everyone else is driving to anywhere they want to and is doing it even though it might be stressful getting there because its somewhere they have never been to before.


Kent to Essex 38 miles / 61 kms
Kent to Chessington 45 miles / 72 kms
Kent to London 39 miles / 63 kms

Since none of those are vast distances and all are less than an hour's drive each way - maybe more if there's stop and go traffic, but at all highway speeds they're under an hour each way - then the only real reasons you don't do it is that you don't really want to, don't feel like it due to depression, or can't afford the fuel/operating costs etc.

It's 46km, according to google maps, each way to the beach I go to almost every sunny day I can. I just hop in my car or on my motorcycle and go. And if I go work a job/contract first or run any errands, and then head over to the beach, it's easily another 20-30+ kms, so my daily regular routine drive is about the same as you driving from Kent to Essex and back every day - which is just what we call "commuting," vs. it being some sort of extraordinarily long drive one might consider a "road trip." Hell, there have been several times I've gone there twice/day -> once on the motorcycle, then come back home just after sunset when my licence expired before I got my full motorcycle licence - then switch to my car and head back to the beach for a bonfire. Even day trips to go kiteboarding in Squamish are like 110km+ each way. And full day motorcycle rides just for fun have been 700km/day up around through the mountains in a huge loop and back home - sometimes alternating direction of the loop.

So, it seems to me it's not the distance that keeps you at home since none of those places are very far at all, it's more likely that you're depressed and simply not doing things you Know you enjoy because of it. Like I haven't been kiteboarding in a few years now despite how much fun it is.. just a lot of friends/family died (like 25 people in 2.5 years) and then a professional falling out with my friend's company etc has had me in a state of knowing it's a hella fun thing I enjoy doing, but not directing my energy at doing it. Although I have gotten out and gone motorcycle riding with my dad/brothers/friends and that new hobby has taken up some fun time.. but I Also know I've wasted tons of days on this forum and facebook and reading bs news on the internet when I've just not felt like getting out into the real world and doing things, even things I want to do.

In conclusion: Maybe you need a motorcycle so you enjoy the trip more. :mrgreen:


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chris1989
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29 Mar 2023, 3:50 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Even though I drive my own car, I still find myself not going out much more further a field in same way as when I didn't drive. I live in Kent in the UK and can travel down as far as Essex to where my dad and stepmum and I do remember once using google maps to find my uncle's new house for a christmas party. There are times when a part of me fancies going somewhere exciting like a theme park like Chessington or go down to London but I still won't seem to go there even though I could use google maps again to help get me there or install a Sat Nav but I still find myself not going to them. It feels as though I must be missing out on all the ''great'' opportunities of driving your own car by not always going to anywhere I like or am I just uncomfortable driving to places well outside the usual routes I take. I feel like the only one while everyone else is driving to anywhere they want to and is doing it even though it might be stressful getting there because its somewhere they have never been to before.


Kent to Essex 38 miles / 61 kms
Kent to Chessington 45 miles / 72 kms
Kent to London 39 miles / 63 kms

Since none of those are vast distances and all are less than an hour's drive each way - maybe more if there's stop and go traffic, but at all highway speeds they're under an hour each way - then the only real reasons you don't do it is that you don't really want to, don't feel like it due to depression, or can't afford the fuel/operating costs etc.

It's 46km, according to google maps, each way to the beach I go to almost every sunny day I can. I just hop in my car or on my motorcycle and go. And if I go work a job/contract first or run any errands, and then head over to the beach, it's easily another 20-30+ kms, so my daily regular routine drive is about the same as you driving from Kent to Essex and back every day - which is just what we call "commuting," vs. it being some sort of extraordinarily long drive one might consider a "road trip." Hell, there have been several times I've gone there twice/day -> once on the motorcycle, then come back home just after sunset when my licence expired before I got my full motorcycle licence - then switch to my car and head back to the beach for a bonfire. Even day trips to go kiteboarding in Squamish are like 110km+ each way. And full day motorcycle rides just for fun have been 700km/day up around through the mountains in a huge loop and back home - sometimes alternating direction of the loop.

So, it seems to me it's not the distance that keeps you at home since none of those places are very far at all, it's more likely that you're depressed and simply not doing things you Know you enjoy because of it. Like I haven't been kiteboarding in a few years now despite how much fun it is.. just a lot of friends/family died (like 25 people in 2.5 years) and then a professional falling out with my friend's company etc has had me in a state of knowing it's a hella fun thing I enjoy doing, but not directing my energy at doing it. Although I have gotten out and gone motorcycle riding with my dad/brothers/friends and that new hobby has taken up some fun time.. but I Also know I've wasted tons of days on this forum and facebook and reading bs news on the internet when I've just not felt like getting out into the real world and doing things, even things I want to do.

In conclusion: Maybe you need a motorcycle so you enjoy the trip more. :mrgreen:


I go to Essex from Kent more than to London or to Chessington because its a route I'm familiar with and was shown that route to take even when I first started driving on that road. I've never travelled by car down to London because I've heard how difficult it is to even drive and park in London, I remember driving round with my dad in his car in London and roads were so busy that my eyes were everywhere watching for pedestrians and other vehicles crossing in front of us which was quite anxiety-inducing. Whenever I've been to London, I've always been with family and never on my own and have got the train there instead of driving. I feel bad knowing that there are so many great places to see in London which I have seen but only some but I won't seem to go on my own or even motivate myself to do so and don't know if that's because I was used to go with my parents and so on. Or is it because London is a big and busy city that its intimidating for someone with autism to deal with on their own ? I'm not stupid and I know full well that I can use common sense and calm myself if I found myself lost in London and ask people to help me where to get to or have my mobile to help where places are. If I know this, then why am I not going there on my own ?



goldfish21
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29 Mar 2023, 4:50 pm

Maybe it’s a combination of all of those things + simply wanting a travel companion to sightsee and do things with.

I know I’m kinda that way. I will go all kinds of places and do all kinds of things solo, but not some places or things - touristy places and things. I’ve never travelled overseas even though there are some places I’d like to go someday, and part of it is this feeling that it won’t be nearly as fun or worthwhile solo and that I’d at least want company - even a family member vs romantic interest. There’s a friend or two in my life that I might even pay for their trip if they’d come with.

So, maybe you just need some kinda day trip travel buddy to motivate you to go for a drive, see some things, have some experiences etc.


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bee33
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02 May 2023, 1:45 am

It sounds very stressful and that's why you're avoiding it, I think. There are just so many unknowns, like finding your way or just not being familiar with the streets and roads. I would be worried about coming a across a difficult or unclear intersection or turn that is not well marked, or some other unexpected difficulty, and not knowing what to do in the moment. Maybe if you could go with someone it would feel more reassuring and after a couple of times doing that you would be able to go on your own.