Coping with change

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How does everyone cope with change? And not knowing what's happening?
I'm awaiting my autism assessment. Diagnosed recently with combined type ADHD (now waiting for medication) - was told during that assessment that they think it very likely uk autistic too (and I agree if I'm honest).
I've realised recently how much I DONT cope with change or not knowing what's going on. I either get so worked up and angry or I end up feeling extremely anxious and low.

These last few weeks have been full of ups and downs and a hell of a lot of not knowing what's happening as well as constant unplanned changes that have been out of my control.
Tonight I feel broken. I'm so overwhelmed I just feel like I'm going in to some sort of shut down. I keep crying over every little thing and just need to shut the world out! I've felt like this so many times throughout my life - was medicated for depression for over 20yrs when I'm not depressed. I didn't know I wasn't depressed (just believed what the dic said and took the pills!) - turned out I'm ND and now need to try and figure out how the hell I manage all the difficulties I've been having my while life

Welcome to Wrong Planet


I don't deal with change well but what helps is hyper-focusing on 1 or 2 things at a time.

I hope you feel better.

Not a doctor, but if they suspect both ASD and ADHD, they should probably also be looking for OCD as somewhere around 30% of folks with ADHD also have OCD and the symptoms can easily blend in with aspects of both diagnoses.

What I will say from experience is that I used to live and work in China and I had control over basically nothing at all. I could barely speak the language, read only a few dozen characters and was shipped off to quite a few different schools in different regions without any real understanding about what was going on or why. (Although in at least one case the school deeply regretted the decision, fat lot of good that did me)

But, I did eventually figure out that even just modest things like eating the same sweet potato for lunch from the same vendor every Wednesday helped a bit. I had to drop the vendor requirement later as commuting hundreds of miles for lunch every Wednesday wasn't viable. I'd wear the same restricted set of clothing as often as possible and pretty much just be extremely firm on the few things that I did get a say in. It didn't make it easier, but thankfully the Chinese aren't massive fans of eye contact and smiling like Americans are.

(OTOH, I just realized that there are likely thousands of Chinese people walking around thinking that all Americans are autistic. I'm not sure what to make of that lol )

Lately, I've just been kind of freaking out and wondering how much more like Raymond from Rain Man before they ask me if I'd like to just switch to nights and be done with it.

If you form an "inner core" of your life over which you have control. other things can be seen as peripheral and change in that realm can be made a little easier.

I can't cope with the change of society and having to adapt to technology instead of social interaction.
Like how we don't seem to get mail any more, and when we send a birthday card to a friend or loved one it takes about like 10 days or more to arrive even if you've used a first class stamp. It's like they're telling us that we must do all our greetings online instead of by mail, but I think choosing a card for others is enjoyable and receiving a card at birthdays and Christmas is nice too. It's not the same on a screen, even though it's free. I just hate the change of everything becoming digital. It's depressing. I want everything to stay the same as it was back in the early 2000s.

I've found that I cope with change best when I have routines in place that A) give me familiar and expected things to look forward to every day and B) intentionally make space for chaos so even though I can't always control or anticipate it, it still feels scheduled, if that makes sense.

For me, that means having a morning routine I can do first thing when I wake up as well as an evening routine I can do before going to bed. So almost every day is "book-ended" by comforting, familiar, expected things. That allows me to accept that everything that happens in the middle is probably going to be at least a little chaotic, but that's okay because I can brace for and recover from that during my routines.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I went through a similar process after I was first diagnosed with ASD. I felt angry and overwhelmed that, despite my parents and myself trying to get the right help for me for decades, I basically had to re-learn how to take care of myself from scratch since most of the advice I'd gotten before my diagnosis wasn't helpful for autism. Next week will make a year since I was diagnosed with ASD, and while I still have some sadness/anger I'm working through, overall I'm glad that I finally know what to do to help myself get through life a little easier--so hopefully you'll start to feel better over time, too, as you learn what ND-specific help works for you.

Welcome to WP!

Routines and familiarity definitely most comfortable. When change or disruption seems unavoidable then easing into the new stuff gradually and repetitively, if possible, can sometimes help. Meet the new stuff in small doses and under your control and then...as they become more familiar...you might be able to handle larger doses in the future.

Welcome. Everybody's path is a bit different in terms of getting a diagnosis and hopefully a more complete picture of whom they are. I don't believe that any of the paths are particularly easy though.

A bit of instability as you find your way is probably not surprising, I know I'm rather unstable and I at least had the benefit of some advance warning and over a decade to have the idea in the back of my mind before having to admit that it's probably true.

What kind of change? There are many different kinds of changes.

Change is tough. I'm still working on getting better from some conflicts and shake ups that happened a few years ago. Two steps forward, one back. Anger, despair, frustration, more anger.

I do better with change that's a net positive. I don't do great, but it's tolerable. When a change is a big negative, I really struggle. I don't know if I have any good suggestions on coping. I just do my best to muddle through. I've tried to tell myself that there's nothing I can control about the change (if there isn't anything I can control) and I think it sort of makes me feel better. Not much, but a little.