My partner’s mother is dying.

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She has been crying non-stop all week since Monday, her mother is at the terminal stage of cancer.
What makes her worse her work obligation preventing her to go back to her country to see her at her last breast (frankly her employer is a total jerk, she told her of the situation but she didn’t even care).

That is truly awful!

I feel sorry you're having to deal with such sadness. All I can suggest is to give her space and let her grieve in her own way.

^ actually… she had been constantly talking to me as a mean of venting; I am so terrible in “channeling” /showing emotions though. I hope I am consoling her enough.

I'm sorry Boo. That's a huge burden for you both. I want to tell your partner to quit her job or just leave and go anyway. I know it's none of my business and maybe it's more complicated than that, but you can't get back those moments. If she really can't go, I hope someone can link her by video to talk to her mum even if she's non-responsive. I sat for days talking to my dad when he was in a coma whether he heard me or not.

I hope you're able to spend time with her and give her some strength at this tough time. The fact that you've reached out shows how much you care. Please send her our thoughts and compassion at this brutal time.

Is

She probably needs someone who cares to listen more than anything else, so don’t worry that you aren’t doing enough. If you care that much, I’m sure that you are.

Actually her boss turned out to have some humanity still; she agreed to process a leave for her - but she has still papers to finish (she works as a domestic worker / chef here in a mansion, and they have a complicated migration paper procedure,… sometimes the richies cheat the law). Hopefully she can make it before it is too late.

Her mom reached the « refusing to eat and drink », the giving up stage; in my experience, this usually are final moments.

I'm glad to hear she got the leave.
That's great news, although still difficult to get it organised.

If it's any consolation my dad went quite a while without eating or drinking.
We had to wipe his tongue with wet compresses.
He had TPN or something like it for a while too.
If someone tells her that your partner is on her way, she'll likely hold on.
It's kind of magic how that happens sometimes.

Very sorry to read about this.
I hope she is able to make it in time.
Just be there for her,hold her hand, listen and make sure she takes care of her self.
When people worry they can forget to eat healthy and get enough fluids.

Can she not find a new job when she gets back?

If I were in her shoes and wanted to travel to see my dying mother, I'd simply do it. My employer wouldn't deserve to make money from my work any longer if that's the way they treated me. Jobs are plentiful - only one mother.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Well that's good news she made it there before she passed. I was kind of expecting an update to this thread to say she'd died as it's been quite a while. Much better news that she was able to get her passport/visas or whatever in order and fly back to see her mom.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I think in the story here the thing that horrified me most was the same thing that horrifies me about the world in general, ie. an employer telling an employee that he or she couldn't go see a dying parent before they passed. That sort of thing has real psychopathic tones.

Condolences to you and your partner as well.

She passed away.

Condolences to you and your GF, Boo.
I'm glad she was there and that you supported her through such a tough time.



@techstep - That happened to me because my dad was dying on a Friday 23rd December and I got a call to leave work. It was only local but they didn't want me to go because they thought I was extending my Christmas holiday. After he died on 24th I applied for extra time off for bereavement because we're supposed to get five days for a parent, but they said the Christmas holiday was sufficient and refused it.