My mum is definitely declining this time

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So I had a very nice chat with a financial adviser. He basically said I'll have to bite the bullet and talk to my mum about getting a Power of Attorney for her.

WISH ME LUCK because she has always been very secretive about her money and loves to be in control of everything! But if I don't get POA it will cost her a lot of money and be very difficult in many ways.

Good luck.Mine already did that and had her best friend down as the one to pull the plug (if the need arises.)

I decided I really can't be bothered with it. I've been struggling, alone and frightened for 18 years now with huge responsibility for my daughter and her many problems. I've felt suicidal most days of that time. I only have so much strength, I'm worn out. It seems the reward for being responsible and careful and thoughtful is yet more responsibility. I don't have a network of friends and family to rely on, it's just me, alone, one woman. I'm human, I can't do this anymore.

I’m sorry it’s all piling on you.
Having an unpleasant parent is rough.
Responsibility is a heavy burden.

Thank you for your very kind comment. I often get told how wrong I am for feeling exhausted and had enough.

I am not unbreakable, I am not infinitely strong, I'm not infallible. I'm one human woman with limited resources.

Sweet Pea hugs

You're very nice hugging everyone today Cockney Rebel

You’re welcome.
You have to take care of your own wellbeing.You need the resources and strength to take care of your daughter.Kids can be exhausting, so much energy ,and mine were always hungry.It takes a lot to keep the house decent, cook healthy meals and take them the places they need to go.It’s a full time job.

Thank you.

It is a full time job, it's been very hard over the last 18 years with little to no support. I'm pretty worn out.

Today I had a day off i.e. not talking to social workers or my mum. So I could think properly.

I'm exhausted after trying to get my mum to agree to set up a Power of Attorney. I went very gently suggesting it but she was adamant she was quite capable of looking after herself, thank you very much! But she might think about it and say in future: 'I know! I need Power of Attorney and I'll set it up. What a great idea of mine!' She only likes her own ideas.

So we went to see my mum again. Her flat is a tip so we tidied that up a bit. She's as difficult as ever so there isn't much hope of getting Power of Attorney. I was dreading the day and I'm ill today after the stress. But it could have been worse.

I just don't know how this is going to turn out. I imagine what will happen is that she will stay in her flat until she dies because she is too stubborn to do anything else. Hopefully when we move house closer to her we can help her more.

Honestly, her community managers make me angry! They set up these 'luxury flats' for old people and didn't care that the old people need help, support and care. The managers just aren't there 24/7, they are always on courses and holidays.

So now even her bank is concerned about her and asking me questions about her. I don't know if they can get her to sign a Power of Attorney because I sure can't get her to sign one. And she needs some kind of help. But I'm glad to be in touch with the bank because her 'retirement community' (cough cough cough) are just shysters.

Everyone says, 'she's such a lovely lady' but I know that when they start interviewing her, they'll see her true colours

Well I'm still using this thread to offload my feelings, as there is no one else to talk to.

The social workers want my mum to move to sheltered housing because where she lives now is so useless with no support for her.

The latest nonsense was when she went to the community manager with concerns about her 93 year old boyfriend, who isn't eating and losing weight...and the manager said 'here's a number for you to phone and arrange for him to move somewhere else'! !! !! !

It's up to the community manager to look after the residents, not an 85 year old woman with possible dementia. That company is only interested in money.

So hopefully my mum can move ASAP to sheltered housing with a 24/7 warden service.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Let's hope your mum can be moved into sheltered housing and gets the care she needs.

Thank you Joe that means a lot.

And also the sheltered housing will be chosen by sensible people i.e. social workers and not my mum, who always chooses the very worst option she can. It's like she does it on purpose- chooses the exact option designed to cause maximum stress, problems and disruption.

And it looks like her finances are on track to be sorted out as well so that's good news too! When it gets to a certain point I think legally the care services have to step in.

So glad there seems to be something moving in a positive direction for your mom and all her family, especially for you too.