Therapist Cancelled

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I was supposed to have my therapy session early this past Saturday morning, but my LCDP canceled on me at almost the last minute. I do not deal with the office for appointments, only her. The funny thing is, I had a dream about her mid week, where she canceled due to being sick and acted like it was no big deal. I just brushed it off as if it were my mind acting crazy once again and continued on with my week. On Friday, I sent her a list of foods for us to try in therapy by text and she replied by saying "Loved the image." I didn't write back as I assumed by the quick response that she was in the office and ready for our session Saturday. Friday night I went to bed a little nervous about therapy, but also confident because I had done my best to do what she asked me to do for homework this week. (Eat some baby cucs, write notes for our session, and make the food list.)

When I woke Saturday morning at roughly 6:20, I heard my phone buzz. I was very reluctant to roll over and check, but I eventually did a couple minutes later. I was thinking at first "watch this be the lady canceling our session." Then I thought "Nah, probably not because you just heard from her yesterday." Sure enough it was her canceling and saying that we needed to do it next week because she was sick. No apology for the late notice (appointment was scheduled for 8:15) and she didn't even offer me a google meet or zoom call. I had to ask if it was an option which asked what I wanted and I declined after thinking it over a bit because I don't like those computer calls, after some past trauma of them messing with my head during the pandemic. This is not the first time she has done this to me. Our first session she offered me the zoom call because she was ill. Then the third session, she said she had just gotten back into the office because she had been ill all week. Then Saturday she canceled.

Anyway, as soon as she canceled on me, I was laying in bed and I cried for a minute before getting up. Then I got up and saw my mom and cried some more, despite trying to fight back the tears of disappointment as I do not like to cry in front of anyone. Then I sat down at the table and didn't do anything for several minutes. My disabled mother offered me a yogurt which she got for me out of the fridge, along with a spoon. This at least got me to eat something for breakfast. However, what she did made my whole day hard for several reasons. One, I told my LCDP about my supposed RSD and how when people cancel on me at the last minute for something important, I shut down, feel depressed, I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, etc. This can last anywhere from 1/2 hour to several hours. Another reason is because this therapy is a lot of work as it is. I have to mention my feelings, try new foods I'm anxious about, and write in a notebook. It's a lot of work mentally and I just feel like if I'm doing all this work at home to get ready for our sessions, I don't want them to be canceled. The last reason is it makes me feel dysregulated and so unappreciated. I know this isn't true, but the way it feels to me is that I can't even pay somebody with my insurance to want to help me and talk to me on a consistent basis.

I'm sorry for rambling in this message, but I just can't do this every week. One week she brought her dog which I love dogs, but I felt this was in some ways a distraction to the therapy. Another week she changed the time from 8:30 to 8:15 without telling me (lucky I was there on time) and then asked me to wait while she refilled her water. Then last week, she was seeing emergency clients who tied her up until 8:25 which is understandable, but she didn't give me any extra time. She still ended our session at 9:06. I need to have a serious talk with her this week (provided she doesn't cancel) about what we're going to do next time she cancels should this be a frequent thing. I don't want to get too weird or personal, but if she gets, say, frequent migraines and she can't come into the office, we need a plan because my therapy can't be this unstable as it's bad for my mental health. As much as I dislike the computer calls, I may have to consider it if she can explain to me how it would benefit the therapy in the event of an emergency.

Thank goodness for my Memmere (grandmother) who I got to visit on Saturday with my mom because she calmed me down, told me none of this is my fault, I'm a beautiful person, etc. while we had lunch. My dad later had a similar talk with me as well. The thing is, I have an anxiety disorder according to my LCDP. I already have enough things that I'm anxious about normally (phobias, stress etc.), but now I have to worry about whether or not my therapist is going to cancel last minute again. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I want to stick with her because she said she would provide documentation for my anxiety and depression, plus the expose therapy is good. I don't want to sound like an inconsiderate a**hole because I know everyone gets sick sometimes. but I need some stability with my therapy so I can fully heal inside.

Any advice or experience with this would be much appreciated.

That sounds awful and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It seems like you know her well enough at this point that it seems that her pattern of being unpredictable is not going to change. That's just how she is --not that I'm excusing her, at all! So I think your options are to look for another therapist, which you already said you don't really want to do, or try talking to her about it and making sure she understands how serious this is for you. Maybe she can at least do better at communicating, letting you know when she might be late or have to cancel, so at least your expectations won't be different than what will actually happen. But really she needs to commit to being reliable.

The reason I don't want to seek help elsewhere is because this is one of the only offices open on weekends that takes my insurance. Also, my provider said she could provide documentation for my anxiety disorder and my depression that she already sees in me. I think I will try offering her to switch to a different time if this one doesn't work for her. She had originally said she wanted to do 4PM, but I don't like that time because I'd rather go in the morning so that I have the day to decompress and think about everything she said. However, if it's going to be an issue, I can switch my time. She never said time was an issue, but I'm starting to wonder if it's hard for her to get out of bed and be at the office at 8am. It's true that Therapists have emergencies and I don't want to sound ignorant, but I can't keep dealing with cancellations every few weeks because it's bad for my anxiety and depression. Also, I find it extremely odd that I have dreams about people cancelling before they do. Is this an asd trait??

Sweet Pea hugs

I am having a similar challenge with making appts at my primary care physician. They tell me I call too early, or I call too late. If it were once or twice, I have that flexibility. But it's been frequent and I need more regularity or dependability. I am going to talk to my physician personally and see what she says. Although it seems "minor" to others, I may need to switch offices because of this. Wishing you can get a plan in place with your therapist.

My therapist got ahold of me this morning at approximately 6:25 and said that she had a bad migraine due to the drastic change in temperature over here (yesterday was 84 and today was 54). She did offer me a zoom call which I accepted, but we only did approximately 20 minutes, most of which she spent complaining about her head. She kept saying that it was pounding worse than I could ever imagine and that it felt like it was on fire. She initially said that we could only do about a half an hour, but after about 20 minutes, she said "I think we're going to have to wrap it up here. Oh God, I said that too loud!" At one point during the session, she was drinking coffee telling me she hoped the caffeine would help. She kept looking like she was trying super hard not to vomit in front of me. I should also note that she was dressed and sitting in her home office, which looks very much like the regular office.

Now, while I understand she was sick and didn't push for the entire session, I still wanted the zoom call because she has canceled a few times before and I don't want to stop my therapy because I need it emotionally. I was a little disappointed by the fact that we only did a 20 minute zoom call, especially since when I mentioned a plan to her last time in the office of what we'd do when she's sick, she said it wouldn't be a frequent thing. Do I have a right to feel a little upset? Should I be seeking a new therapist soon? I also now feel like next time she says she's sick that I shouldn't push for a zoom call, even when offered because of how bad it makes her head hurt and stuff. I'm just confused about how I should feel. I went several years without a therapist, but now that I have one, I don't like when she cancels.

No you don't have a right to feel upset, imo.
If she indicates she isn't well, I wouldn't accept the Zoom either.
Chances are she was being polite.
I think you should feel glad you don't have migraines like that.
I've had them and they're almost unbearable.

It's your choice if you want to find a new therapist or not.

I understand completely where you're coming from because I don't have migraines. However, I have just one question for you. Do you know what it's like to battle suicidal thoughts? I mean the kind where you are so scared for your life and you have no idea what else to do to end the emotional pain except really stupid stuff that you know will most likely kill you? Luckily I'm not having those thoughts today or even this month, but I've battled them a lot past. Now, I have a therapist because I waited until my emotional problems got so bad that I wrote a letter for my family and swallowed 2x the lethal dose of some pills. I was never sent to the hospital as I recovered on my own, but a family member found the note a few days later and encouraged me to seek help. Why did I wait so long? It was because I felt so ashamed and I didn't want to bother people with my problems, but now I need help so my suicidal thoughts don't come back. Help requires a good deal of consistency. If I'm only getting help every few weeks, then it's not going to be as effective. I should also mention that she took last weekend out due to Memorial day. I guess what I'm saying is that I do feel really bad about her migraines, but if they happen frequently then I need a plan because my anxiety and depression need to be addressed..

Yes, I do know how that feels. I've been there many times and worse. I'm sorry it's so bad for you. Like I said though, it's your choice if you want to find a different therapist or if this one isn't meeting your needs. Being upset with her isn't going to solve anything. It won't help her to stop feeling ill, and it won't help your mental health and frustration. Perhaps she's more ill than you realise with some sort of chronic condition. Maybe she's dealing with mental health problems of her own, or going through something horrible in her private life.

I'd advise you to go to Emergency or contact a crisis centre if you need immediate support, and in the meantime start looking for another longterm therapist if you choose to break ties with this one.

I hope you both feel better soon.

Luckily, I'm not in danger right now. I just want to keep it that way though by continuing on a consistent basis with the therapy. I wouldn't be upset if she was just upfront and honest about the fact that we can't meet every week because of her illness. It's the fact that she always tells me at the last minute she has to cancel and it's frequent. I will give it one more session to see if she improves. If not, I may have to look for someone who is physically able to meet me with me every week. I mean, canceling once every 3-6 months is fine with me, but canceling once a month is just too much inconsistency.

Last week, my therapist promised me that I would see her in person this week since we haven't been able to meet in 5 weeks and I'n going on vacation on Wednesday. Today she canceled on me at the last minute again, but agreed to a zoom call. When I asked her if she was seeing her other patients today she said no and proceeded to say that this is a hard weekend for her because she lost her father due to malpractice at 15. She told me the whole story while I made comforting nods and then she started tearing up. She apologized for her story to which I told her not to worry about it and that I was listening to her. As soon as we hung up the call, I ran into the bathroom of the office and cried for over 20 minutes because her story made me feel very emotionally depressed. I also felt guilty for asking for a zoom call to talk about my feelings when I live with my father and she doesn't have hers anymore. I understand that she's human and human beings need time to grieve etc., but I can't keep taking on her emotional problems because it doesn't help my dysthymia. I don't know what to do. I might have to look for a new therapist who can be there week in and week out for me. I know migraine attacks, sadness, holidays, and helping others are legitimate reasons for someone to cancel, but I can't have it happening every week because it hurts me inside so much. Any thoughts?