I hate seeing young couples (rant)

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TheUndiagnosed
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23 May 2023, 1:14 pm

This afternoon I went to the grocery store to buy stuff for my mother,
Entered the shop and there was this teenage couple (they had entered the same building slightly before I went inside).
So i found myself in this very unfortunate circumstance of witnessing this young couple shopping together.
They were talking, huggin and kissing..all the time!

Well, love rules the universe so we should be happy for them right?

The truth is that I felt like a snake bite!!
Seeing their display of affection made me extremely sad and depressed...
It reminded me on how much I have missed in life. I'm 43 and never had a girlfriend . I wasted the best years of my life trying to succeed in many fields and always failed. My teen years were lonely, i was bullied in high school and didn't have any friends, let alone any type of romantic experience.

At some point the couple left the building and I was alleviated. Thanks God that incredible source of depression was gone.
But it blows my mind how seeing stuff like this affects my mood so badly!
Does anyone experience something similar?

BTW, I have to go now, I have to feed my old mother.
Thanks for reading.



IsabellaLinton
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23 May 2023, 2:01 pm

It sounds like you hate your own life, rather than hating young love.
You wish you had young love and you likely would have done the same if you had an opportunity.

You can't go back in time.
Instead of hating young love or feeling envious, how can you make your life better now?


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Lost_dragon
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23 May 2023, 2:06 pm

I have felt something along those lines before. Not always mind you. Sometimes I see couples and I just find them annoying - such as when they're in a public place and they're blocking access to something I want.

However, yes, I have also felt sad. One time I was in a stationary store. There was a lesbian couple seemingly in their 20's. I saw one of them laughing and holding the other girl close and giving her small kisses. This made me feel a sense of longing.

I looked over at my friend who was with me at the time. She's straight and fun to hang out with but momentarily I felt sad that I was hanging out with her and not a romantic partner. Then I felt bad about wishing that because it's not like she's a bad person to be around.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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23 May 2023, 5:35 pm

Disappointment and loneliness led to a time in my 30s where I developed an attitude describable as, when elders I risked telling about my feelings would respond with "Being married is not that big a deal" I would say, Oh, if it is not that big a deal, then why have you made so much effort to gain and maintain it? They would typically, "Umm, well, uhh ..." to which I would respond along the lines of, Yeah, that's what I thought, and your personal credibility just went to the sewer, this conversation is over.

Can remember at that time really not liking going grocery shopping on account of all the couples of varying ages in our local grocery store.

Restaurants weren't much pleasant either.

I was working retail and while that was fun, Christmas and Valentines had an undercurrent of deep sadness.

Yeah, I know marriage can be bad, my brother's first wife came after him with a knife. Her boyfriends (note the plural) abused my brother's sons while the government had him off around the world doing army things in places like Somalia, and to the point where the boys have said outright they don't even want to know whether their mother is still alive.
And I still vividly remember the day when I was having both physical and emotional health collapse my since ex wife was mocking me and when I asked her to stop ridiculing me her response was to literally wave her finger under my nose with "I'll use ridicule on you whenever I want to, I'll keep using ridicule, and you'll just learn to live with it."
That marriage ended right then and right there. Was a few years later the legal formalities got done.

But yes, independent of that above, aloneness, loneliness, rejection, they are not benign, they have effects.
And the effects are detrimental.

People can literally starve to death from lack of affection, love.

As part of this, there is a thing, a named thing,

Quote:
What Lack of Affection Can Do to You
We're facing a crisis of skin hunger, and it has real consequences.

Posted August 31, 2013 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Key points

Feeling deprived of meaningful human contact can be referred to as skin hunger.
People with skin hunger, or who are affection-deprived, are more likely to experience depression and stress, and in general, worse health.
The remedy for skin hunger begins with putting down one's smartphone.


:arrow: So, tell me here, our wise and knowing Doc, how did people put down their smartphones in the 1980s and 1990s???

Quote:
A study on the lack of affection

Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. In a recent study of 509 adults, I examined the construct of skin hunger—and the social, relational, and health deficits with which it is associated. The results were consistent and striking. People with high levels of skin hunger are disadvantaged in multiple ways, compared to those with moderate or low levels.

Specifically, compared to people with less skin hunger, people who feel more affection-deprived: are less happy; more lonely; more likely to experience depression and stress; and, in general, in worse health. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction. They experience more mood and anxiety disorders, and more secondary immune disorders (those that are acquired rather than inherited genetically). They are more likely to have alexithymia, a condition that impairs their ability to express and interpret emotion. Finally, they are more likely to have a preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment style; they're less likely to form secure attachments with others in their lives.


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old_comedywriter
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23 May 2023, 5:53 pm

Just look away. If it was on TV, you would change the channel, right?

I now find myself in the same situation. I was in a relationship for 36 years, married for 34, and my wife passed away in 2017. Now I'm right back where I was, facing the same obstacles. I was planning to retire from dating when I retired from work, but it seems early retirement from dating is the better choice.


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23 May 2023, 9:52 pm

TheUndiagnosed wrote:
I hate seeing young couples . . . Does anyone experience something similar?
Nope.  I think it is cute.


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23 May 2023, 9:58 pm

I don’t hate it. Not at all. I’m happy for them. However, sometimes it also makes me feel a little sad to be completely honest.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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23 May 2023, 10:12 pm

Being reminded of what you really wanted but missed out on is never going to be a pleasurable experience. Especially with something as important as relationships.

It's a cruel world.



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23 May 2023, 11:19 pm

Jealousy is a cruel mistress huh?

I am jealous of all my friends who are married and even have kids which is causing me to desire those things for myself and is a VERY POWERFUL MOTIVATOR for making real long-lasting change!

If I lose my current boyfriend Jerry as soon as I see the therapist next month and get into Day Program I will start dating intentionally with the single men there which will eventually get me to the goal of marriage!

The problem is my brother isn't accepting of my wishes but my worker Cathy said when the time comes he will come around

I hope so...


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25 May 2023, 11:02 am

I’m significantly younger than OP but I too feel envious when I see teen/early 20s couple having fun together. I know I wasn’t ready for romance when I was a teenager, but now as an adult whose 30th birthday is slowly creeping up on him, the envy is only growing stronger over time.

I did have one relationship a little over a year ago, but it only lasted a little over a month (she decided she was more interested in women, also we weren’t sexually compatible dince she is asexual and I am not).



Fnord wrote:
TheUndiagnosed wrote:
I hate seeing young couples . . . Does anyone experience something similar?
Nope.  I think it is cute.


The difference here is that you are married and thus have no reason to feel envy.


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25 May 2023, 11:22 am

When a former friend of mine had just gotten engaged, we went into a bridal shop to look at wedding gowns. I remember seeing other women in there trying on dresses. While there, I did the best I could to fight back tears and hide them. Then afterward, my friend and her fiancee went to a fall festival and were holding hands and talking about finding a wedding dress. Being me, I started walking off another way and she caught that I was upset and jealous and let me cry until I calmed down.

I will also admit that though I was her bride's maid, I was envious that I wasn't the one walking down the aisle. When I saw her fiancee standing at the altar, I wished it was my man.

However, I learned how to appreciate being single and all of the amazing things that I got to do instead. For example, I did some solo traveling.



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25 May 2023, 7:48 pm

I will start trying on wedding dresses at thrift shops and who knows?

It might very well help my dreams of marriage manifest!! !

Perhaps you should do the same


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25 May 2023, 8:02 pm

Me too. I hate seeing young couples. I envy them. I want to be them. But I can never be in a young couple because I'm 35 and my partner is also 35. We were born in the same year.

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Jealousy is a cruel mistress huh?

I am jealous of all my friends who are married and even have kids which is causing me to desire those things for myself and is a VERY POWERFUL MOTIVATOR for making real long-lasting change!
I'm jealous of people who don't have kids. I have a daughter and she's a pain. I didn't even want to have kids.


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25 May 2023, 8:21 pm

man, your case and situation is another depressing and irritating, angry reminder, how extreme cases like this are male dominated, and yes i know unfortuneately, a statement or comment like this will unfortuneately be perceived as giving off incel vibes.

reminds me of this article of this guy from the UK, which i sometimes wish i never read it:
https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-43956366



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25 May 2023, 8:28 pm

Fnord wrote:
TheUndiagnosed wrote:
I hate seeing young couples . . . Does anyone experience something similar?
Nope.  I think it is cute.


I think it's adorable seeing two young Sweet Peas in love.


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25 May 2023, 10:21 pm

i feel the same way because i was a late bloomer unfortuneately, high school and college age couples make me feel depressed and bitter, resentful the most, or couples in the 18-25 age range especially