Fairfield's Bitching and Whining Thread

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I'm making this thread so I don't clog up other threads being a whiny little brat all the time. lol

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The past few days I've called myself stupid so many times at work because I sincerely feel like an idiot and like everyone thinks I'm r*tarded. I think I made the maintenence supervisor uncomfortable doing it today because I kept apologizing for dumb s**t, and now my dumbass ironically wants to apologize for apologizing.

I'm not even fighting people treating me like I'm an idiot now though, I'm just super f*****g stupid and can't do anything how anyone wants me to or say anything right. Everyone always assures me I'm not dumb either, but they treat me like they think I am, like I am incapable of meeting their expectations, and like they want me to not be around them, so I can't really believe that anyone thinks anything else. I can't even mention that to anyone ever or they'll deny it and act like I'm being dramatic, and I get that people don't realize they're treating me like that because they probably just think I deserve it and they're putting me in my place, but it sucks. And even if anyone apologizes and says they won't do it anymore, they just entirely forget about that and treat me like crap the next day anyways. People in my family even do this s**t, and I just want to not be around anyone or have to interact with anyone at this point so I don't f**k anything up and have to feel like a moron literally 24/7. I can't try to do that though because people even manage to get mad at me for that...

How does this work? Do we all get to whinge?

Like, you can if you want to. I just felt bad about spamming depressing s**t in other threads and saying the same s**t everyday, so I made a thread to whine in.

No, it's OK I can use Rants.

I just thought I'd double check.

Biitch and whine away, dude!

I laughed because you used the word r*tarded and then I laughed again because I know I'm supposed to feel bad about it. I always loved that word as a kid and never minded being called it. I hope it gets reclaimed one day.

I also get thoughts of self harming: jumping in front of trains, jumping into canals, poking my eyes out, plugging my fingers into light sockets, but in my case I don't really want to die, it's just a fight or flight reaction to feeling threatened and not feeling safe in my own skin.

I still use it around select people. It just hits different, and honestly sometimes people straight up think I'm r*tarded, or something is so f*****g stupid no other word describes it well enough.

I am legit suicidal so a lot of the time my brain heavily focuses on ways I can die. I hate it. lol

I feel you dude I've been the same way for a long time. Although really unhealthy imo, fantasizing about death is a lot better than acting it out and making actual plans. The only real sound advice I can offer is to reach out to a trained professional as soon as the fantasizing starts to become a reality. I know you fear the grippy sock vacation, but I'd prefer you in that than dead.

I need to figure out a therapist to go to and maybe also take time off of work. I think I'm getting super burnt out dealing with my MH issues + everything at my job, plus never getting to be properly alone. I just keep feeling more and more exhausted + stressed, and it makes me want to just give up and die. I have 3 vacation days so maybe I'll take time off of work in a couple weeks to be by myself and try to chill TF out, and figure some s**t out.

3 days of you time sounds perfect. Hopefully your batteries will recharge and your outlook changes.

!	Cornflake wrote:
	Some posts have been removed. Suggesting that someone should stop their medication is irresponsible and potentially dangerous. No-one but someone's doctor should suggest anything like that. Any further such suggestions will be removed and disciplinary action taken.

I hate that the only people I can really get along with are literal 10-13 year olds. It's not even like I seek out interactions with kids, but all of the people in my family that like spending time with me and that I'm comfortable around are around that age. It makes me mad and feel gross because I know some of my family members think it's weird that I always end up hanging out with the kids during family events. I am way too stunted from being forcefully isolated + having autism, and I don't really get along with other adults unless they're autistic.

That adults hanging with kids thing is so tough, what with all the "pedo" accusations always being lobbed at marginalized folk, as well as the actually "pedos" who are akin to the "one rotten apple that spoils the entire bunch" smdh gdi