Losing oneself in a quest for "success"

Post Reply New Topic

What are people's thoughts on the whole trying to be more neurotypical in order to "succeed" in social situations and jobs? I know that's an awkwardly worded question, but I can't figure out how to phrase what I'm wondering. I learned in high school how to appropriately fake many of the necessary actions to appear like others, and had a lot of close, personal pressure to do so. But it wears me down, and I know that most of what I do is incongruent with who I am, even though it's what society tells me I'm supposed to be doing. Having a few friends, going shopping at a highly populated store, trying desperately to read people's responses and be empathetic. But how important is that? And how much of oneself should be sacrificed to achieve that? Or is there a way to avoid that?

You and me, girl.

I feel like I could easily have written that.

Unfortunately you're going to have to decide the answers to your questions on your own, because it depends largely on what you wish to do in life and what you most value.

I used to surround myself with friends and strive for the same visible signs of success that everybody else has or of which they seem to approve (education, moving up the career ladder, constant phone calls and outings, etc.). Like you say, this constant interaction wore me down terribly. I simply can't function for more than a few months, doing my best impression of "normal". You have to decide how high your threshold is and what you're willing to sacrifice (if anything) for the world's approval and feigned understanding. I don't mean to imply that such things are useless though--they can be quite rewarding and helpful. But only you can determine what measures of solitude and social rewards are appropriate, necessary and/or feasible for you as an individual.

Hopefully that makes sense. 'tis quite late. I'll reply more later if I think of something else.

When in Rome... it helps if you can speak some of the language.

It's even more helpful to learn to mimic some NT behavior. "Hi, how you doin'?" You don't need to actually care how they're doin' to mimic their birdsong.

Yeah, it can be very fatiguing being "on," (as in on-stage). I strive for a good balance of time alone and time with others.

yes !

heh, i have done this since I was mainstreamed. I do a fairly good job now, but as a kid it was hard, lucky many of the kids were not perceptive to it till later, it was always the adults, teachers, and neghboors (kids parents) that noticed my issues, which diminished over time. I lead a successful life, I want to move up into a better career (now i just have a job), I want to support a family, maintain friendships, have a GF.

I do ok at work too, but i have always been embarrased about my past, never talked about it. I started coming on here, and started perhapse feeling a little better about myself, maby more accepting, which allowed me to educate a little more, and come on here and meet all u nice ppl. I decided not to ware myself out so much, i have much practice, but dont have to ware the mask to tightly, as it causes great anxiety, pressure and depression. I realize some things u cant change, and am not afriad to be a little qwarky, just maintain myself to a degree. I dont mind being seen as a little odd, as long as I keep being social from time to time, try to blend in a bit.