Should you save sex for marriage?

Post Reply New Topic

What are your thoughts? I want to see how this averages out on WP.

I would say it depends on the psychological needs & desires of the persons involved.

It's a hard "no" from me because I think ascertaining sexual compatibility is important. I don't really believe in marriage anyway. Well, I know it exists. I just think it's stupid, especially from a legally binding standpoint. Obviously, that's my opinion; different people think differently.

I say no, but that being said I still think sex is a very serious decision with serious consequences, not just emotional but in terms of pregnancy and STD. I don't think any two people should be doing it unless they're prepared for accidental pregnancies and whatever subsequent choices that might entail. It could mean a lifelong commitment to co-parent. It could mean infection and illness. In some cases it meant AIDS, which was a death sentence when I was a teenager.

I'm not saying people can't have fun or do one-night stands if that's what they want, but I hope these people are mature and responsible enough to deal with potential results. Men should be prepared to pay child support for 18+ years, or longer if the child is disabled. Women should be ready to raise children, or deal with abortion law wherever they might live.

I'm a buzzkill I guess. Have fun, be sexual, find what you like, but for heaven's sake also be careful and be prepared.

^ Good points!

I think people need a thorough sex education to understand anatomy, consent, birth control, and the risks involved.

I was a virgin when I got married and he turned out to be gay, but that's not what influences me.

In fact most of my daughter's friends waited for marriage, even in today's age. Some were religious but their male partners were too. Some of my son's friends haven't dated at all because they're in grad school or starting careers, and they want to wait until they're ready to make a commitment and settle down if they meet the right person. They figure there's no point dating people unless you're looking for a life partner. I assume those people will have sex prior to marriage even though they're starting their dating lives later than normal, but I don't know for sure.

Everyone's different, but I do think compatibility matters. No woman wants to be known as "frigid" if she's unhappy and avoids sex in her marriage. Nor should women submit to sex when they really don't like it. The same is true of men who shouldn't have to pretend they're satisfied when they aren't.

We can't just wave our magic pixie dust and hope everything works out OK "because we love each other". Love isn't enough to hold all marriages together or keep people happy. Sex may be only one part, but let's be real. It's a big part. I love lots of people in my life but I don't sleep with them, and if we were to be married I can imagine the other person would become frustrated very quickly. That's not fair to either person, and especially not to any children they may conceive.

Yes unless there are circumstances where it is advisable to have sex before marriage

But having sex before getting married allows you and your partner to see if you are TRULY sexually compatible before jumping into a legally-binding contract like marriage!

I am still a virgin BTW because I'm waiting for marriage

A partner could hide that they are sexually abusive or that they don't care about their partner's pleasure in any way. Marriage is a big commitment. In my opinion, it's really important to know as much as possible about the other person before marriage. In my former religious community, I saw people rush to get married so they could have sex, and it often didn't end well. I don't think that marriage should be rushed into for carnal reasons. Living together for a couple years first is smart.

Kink, fantasy, role play, BDSM, all of that factors in. It's destructive when one person wants that stuff and feels they have to repress it. That can lead to cheating, porn addictions, secret sex workers, and even SA (against the partner or sometimes somebody else.)

Saying "Yeah, I think I'll like that" or "That'll be OK" ahead of marriage isn't the same as living the marriage and doing those things. You don't know what they'll feel like until they happen. It's not just the same as masturbating or imagining it. Our bodies have minds of their own.

Another important factor is sex drive. You'll both likely be horny and roaring to go, prior to marriage. You're imagining this elusive thing and how great it will be to "connect". That excitement or curiosity doesn't always last. The novelty can wear off quickly. Women's hormones in particular can change from taking oral contraception, from IUDs with hormones, with pregnancy, breastfeeding, and postpartum fluctuations, from menopause, and any other type of physical reasons. Men's hormones can change too, but with women it's much more obvious and women often take the blame for this.

There's a lot to consider when deciding if someone is compatible. It's just as complicated as figuring out if someone is compatible for marriage, with comparable ideals about finance, spending habits, housework, and all that other boring stuff.

No, for all the reasons others have listed. I don't believe in marriage, too much legal stuff involved.