Instantly disliked?

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So I have noticed that every once in a while, when I meet someone new, they seem to instantly dislike me. I am not sure if this is based on looks or something else.
I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and why you think this might be happening?

Generally , if you convey a poor first impression somehow ..usually people see in images of what they are stereotyped to believe. So if your appearance is less than their idea of desireable, you may get that response.
So the oldage that it is important to make a first good impression,is true ,most often . And often people use the stereotypes they have seen as first image forms of judgement.( visual stereotypes)
but this is only my impression. Best wishes on your future interactions

^
I totally agree with what is written above.
People work by stereotypes and by judging at first glance an appearance and what the person gives off.
If you don't correspond to the image they have of you (positive image or not), then you are somehow causing them a kind of cognitive dissonance, which is an unpleasant experience for the human brain because it is destabilizing. The human brain likes it when it sees confirmation of what it perceives, even when it is negative.
I had read on a paper that people preferred to correspond by default to a popular stereotype, even if it was a stereotype with more negative connotations in society.

Perhaps imagine Caricatures of various types of humans, a tourist or a photographer,with a few cameras hanging around their neck...and a Hawaiian shirt, or a model looking sleek and overdressed,or under dressed, , a businessman in a suit ,With glasses,and a phone attached to their ear,or a breif case in their hand ? People guess at others personalities by what they see, and respond accordingly most often , ( for their own life experiences of the stereotypes they are exposed to growing up .) But there are exceptions to this , some people seem able to rise above those limitations . But you can expect those people to be rather " rare " in most all public situations .
Often you may run into people whom have experienced much trauma, and will react to what they have experienced.
With the images of what had happened to them.Or the images of people they encountered during those traumas.
******. ******. ******. ******* ********
All you can do is the best you can ... And work with what you know about the situations you might walk into ?
Oh by the way , a good point to know...is a little used trick of getting yourself to "smile" everytime you walk through
a "doorway" . As a new habit to develop.. No matter what is in your mind about anytime any place..whether you get a smile back or not. And keep this habit forever. It will help you all your life . No matter what is in your head.
(((Whenever you go through a doorway))) these are just my opinion of dealing with my own autism throughout my life. Oh and by the way these bits of info. Are No guarrantee of good or better treatment .But will give you better odds, i think, of getting better responses. . And this smile advise is generally only meant for Aspie adults .
(btw TY Checkbox)

Last edited by Jakki on 21 Aug 2023, 9:58 am, edited 3 times in total.

Yes I get this a lot. Usually from other women because I'm 'too thin' apparently, and that is enough for them to hate me. Apparently they don't like thin women. Talk about shallow! I'm tired of it. I don't even notice what other women look like FFS.

But it does happen with other people sometimes.

Agrees with this post based on personal experience.....It does make it hard to make friends too I think.
If my clothes are a little baggy , but tasteful .. it does seem to help (sometimes ). And this atitude even prevails in dealing with legal situations too, how weird is that in a equal justice for all country. BUT this does not apply to men it has seemed to me. IMHO
( Strangley enough it seems to help,if I am condescending to these type of women that have the "thin" opinion.)
imho

That's all very interesting!

Yes. Women don't like other women to look attractive. They like them to look messy and sloppy and at their worst.

Maybe I'll try the condescending attitude, haha. I've always been friendly, maybe that's not correct. Who knows. Bloody humans.

And need to add here..I hate being condescending to most everyone and anyone.....

I don't know if I'm attractive but what I do know is that I am thin and I like a lot of women.
I don't know if women like me or dislike me.

Hope I had one day a girl as a friend … I like them as girlfriend too but I would want something that could last forever.




Edit: I think I would like some friends, actually.

I'm pretty tired of humans tbh. I always try to be friendly and helpful but the amount of attitude I get in return- being mocked and excluded for no reason. I keep to myself these days and live in my imagination, that's much better.

I can get this post....started telling anyone I met ,that I do not trust anyone anymore ...Just safer, but having said that , have made a few good friends over the years , but not by trying. Weirdly enough ...And do not lean on them if i can help it .ever! Then if ever do a favour for a stranger. Or help out ..run away right away afterwards . Cause it doesnt always pay to help someone out .And then maybe if lucky they might do the same for the next person.

There have been times where I've been made an example. For instance, I was walking down the street minding my own business, when two teenage boys walked by. One of them remarked 'Hey look, I found you a girlfriend!' gesturing at me. The other looked disgusted and told him to shove off.

I don't know why, but this has happened a fair few times with random strangers. It's usually something along the lines of 'Hey it's your girlfriend' or 'I found you a lass' or something. The other usually reacts with anger at their friend or says something such as 'Ew, imagine, I could do better'.

This behaviour seems quite strange and rude to me. It's odd since they never address me and act like I'm not there. Is it a jab at the friend? A jab at me?

I've also had remarks from strangers with a perceived assumption of promiscuity. Which, I tend to dress modestly and my life is far less thrilling than the people on the bus make it out to be. So, um, what? It is kind of amusing though to hear people debate how many men have been in my life, when I am in fact not interested in men.

There's also been the occasional gossip about how I ended up with a certain scar. All inaccurate. Entertaining though, usually far more interesting than the truth.

What do you mean they "seem to instantly dislike you". Do people tell you "I dislike you." Is it some vibe you sense from people? "Seem" is a weak verb. Do they really instantly dislike you? Or are you projecting?

Most people could not care less about most other people.

Most NT people could not care less about autistic people.

Oh I've had similar numerous times. I would be out walking somewhere and a random strange man would come up to me and say 'you're so ugly' then turn back to his group of laughing friends who would jeer and catcall. Sooo many times.

It was always when I was alone/ in an unfamiliar place/ at night (or all three) so it was very scary.

Why do men think that's okay to do that to a young woman who is walking along minding her own business? Is it fun for them? To make them look cool to their friends? WTF.

And the sad thing is when I tell my female friends they all nod sadly and say 'yes, it's happened to me too.'

Yes I have stopped trying to make friends. I read about the foolproof method of making friends- be positive, consistent and vulnerable. It kind of works but tbh British people aren't like that. Our friendships aren't neat and tidy as Americans' seem to be. Brits don't like pushy people who are positive, consistent and vulnerable.

That is crazy isn't it. And quite funny if you don't mind me saying. They are assuming you are promiscuous with men but in fact you don't like men. What strange assumptions by strangers on the bus! Very rude indeed.

I've had the opposite in a way. People have assumed I'm a lesbian for most of my life and they're shocked to find I've been happily married to a man for 30 years and have a biological child with him.